Scared

My newest revelation: I am scared about the economy....

I came to that conclusion last night when talking to Catie. It was not a fun conclusion to come to. I have known I was nervous but I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel for me or other people. I am scared that there will be no jobs for me. I am scared that a lot of that I know people will loose there jobs. And frankly I am scared that I will be stuck doing something I hate for a while and not making any money (not that Menards is anything close to something I would have chosen to do... or the amount of money I make is close to what I want). It is not a fun time right now. It is sad.

That leads me to me next thought. Which might be the answer to my fear... I was praying about finding a job while at work the other day, and I said to God very bluntly, "What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do!?" And literally instantly I just felt God say "pursue me." It was weird.... it wasn't just a normal thought in my head. Because usually if I think of something "God might say to me" it is something I would say myself... wording I would use... And that was not my wording. Also it was an instant answer... as soon as I got the thought off, I had the answer ... and this wasn't a question I had been asking before... so I personally hadn't thought it out before. And then to top it off I had a chill run up my spine.... (although at the time I was semi-close to the door opening closing.... and it was kind of drafty... but still it was different than my normal Josh's wandering mind musings).

After I got over the fact that God may have given me an answer... instantly.... I ask, "What does that mean?.... pursue me?" I was a bit frustrated, thinking "Yeah, I know..." I do slightly remember a semon using the word "pursue" from a little while ago... that God wanted us to pursue Him. (Like the way you would pursue a boy/girl when dating.) But "Pursue me"...???? Does that mean, read the Bible more? Pray more? Don't worry about your job, I got it... Because when I asked God "What to do you want me to do?" It was in the context of finding a job. I was thinking I my get answers like, maybe someone might call me back for an interview or I might actually get a job I applied for or someone would approach me with an awesome deal asking me to do the exact thing I want to do. Or maybe the economy would start turning around all of a sudden (hey, miracles are possible)... but no, I got "Pursue me". Honestly, I was really excited that God may have answered me that quickly but "Pursue me" doesn't make me any money... it doesn't even point me where to go for the most part.

Since then, I haven't really pursued God. Honestly I haven't been pushing harder to find God in all of this. I have been reading my Bible a bit more (which still isn't a ton) but that is hardly a pursuit of Him... pursue is a very descriptive word... like Lions pursue their prey, Cops pursue criminals in high speed chases, I pursue the ball in a soccer game... everything is a chasing after... with everything you have. If a lion really doesn't care about catching his prey it won't happen.. they won't eat, if the police don't push it hard when chasing a person they won't catch them... and a criminal will be free and if I don't pursue the soccer ball I will lose the game (and I hate losing).

So here, I go pursing God as a way to find a job.... apparently leaving the rest up to Him (not that I am stopping looking but apparently the detail He will take care of).... which will be hard to do. I know this sounds like the typical Christian answer, "Just pray about it" but this I guess will be different. I am not praying.... I am pursuing.