Can't Shake it....

So.... hmmmm... I wish I could.... I sometimes wish I could get rid of the fact that I seriously want to be in ministry. But I feel ok with the fact that I am where I am right now. Learning what I need to learn for this moment and in the future. I know that I need to mature more personally and spiritually to be able to minister to other people. I need to be stable in myself in order to be stable for others. There is so much I need to learn... although I know, I will never be "fully ready" in my mind. It is like having kids. Yeah, getting "enough" money and time and a good stable job is a good and wise approach before having kids but seriously... you will never have enough time, money, energy or stamina to be ready to have kids. It's like Lake Michigan you just need to jump in.. and eventually your legs will grow numb and the water will feel nice. (I think I just did an example of an example).

Anyways, last night's financial curse/blessings series was good again. I was tired so it was a bit hard to pay attention but still it had a lot of good stuff in it (even if I was only paying attention 80% of the time). Last night the speaker talked about claiming your birthright. And how you go about doing it. How to do it the right way. He talked about timing and patience. And used Jesus as a great example of it. He said that Jesus wanted to begin his ministry when he was 12 (in the temple) but that wasn't the right time and he knew it. So for 18 years he spent his time working for others in a different manner that he really wanted too (doing carpentry). And even when he got into ministry he didn't do miracles and sermons on demand. In fact he did it as quietly as he could for a long time. He was always on God's time. Even if it seemed to be a weird timing. That's the same way it was on the cross. He was all alone, it was his/God's decision. Everyone had left him, no one was pushing him to die for everyone (well I guess the pharisees were wanting him to die). But the timing was all God's perfectly setup. Everything was as the prophets had said and the timing of the cross was perfect.... in only a way that God could make it.

So I guess I will continue to wait (really what choice do I have?). I know God has something more for me than media... I need him to and I just know that there is more (I just have to wait to see in what capacity that will be). I want to be a part of something more than computers and media. I want to help people see the reality of Christ and the life that Christ brings and the hope that real Christian community can bring.

That lead me to say.....

I was thinking the other day about not being a Christian and thinking about what the point of life would be... and I realized. Seriously, there is no point just survival and pleasure... That is all. You see for me, I think about a day or a week and realize there are billions of people out there that need to know Jesus Christ, that need to know the freedom... the hope of something more.

I really began to think about this when I was down in the dumps. I just realized that my life, my purpose is serving God and without that... life is really really crappy. What is the point? Nothing. That is all. Life is just... life. And if Christianity isn't true that how many people really truely believe in heaven or hell? I would kind of wonder... all the time. If I wasn't on earth serving some God.... why the heck would there just be a heaven? I guess for most people it just make them feel better about dying... or gives them a way to understand evil in their minds.

When you think this way it makes more sense why people who don't know Jesus as their savior act the way they do. The whole way they view life is completely different from me. It is virtually the exact opposite. The only thing guiding them is the law... besides that.. all you have to deal with is maybe some guilt



All that being said... that is why I am passionate about people and passionate about people knowing the awesome TRUTH and FREEDOM in Jesus Christ. I know many have heard of Jesus but there is such a difference (even just in your mentality alone). Christianity is something awesome. The reality of Jesus' death on the cross is awesome. It is a family when you have none, a freedom from oppression, a hope for something better, a knowledge of something stronger, the power to do the incomprehensible, a blinding light in the dark, a reality of heaven, a incorruptible justice... it is something to live for. You know something.... you are a part of something... someone.... that will change lives... that will save lives. That is your mission in life... all the other stuff is just surviving.