Learned something today

Today I learned that I do not miss being at church most of the time. I am either wired for a different church (but Catie and I are call to LVC now) or a different area of church that does not include much alone in my office time (there is a chance that this is an impossibility in church ministry.

Catie was sick today (she threw out her back or something) and I got to go into church (around noon) and edit a wedding video. I just realized while I was in here that I really don't miss it too much. I love the people... but I hate the "semi-isolation"/ library environment. (I do like that they still let me come in though... that is really nice).

I realized I just don't like the each person sitting in there individual rooms communicating only with one another only when necessary (at least that is how I felt today). (quiet, library quiet...) I sat in my room and edited and when tried to chat was given the "I'm busy" feeling. I understand that... I think I do that too when I am really into editing... I just want to plug away and get it done (because I need to). I just was a bit bummed because I was excited that I could come in and see people... and I was hoping they were excited to see me... I am happy that I am still allowed to use the computer and equipment... that is a blessing.. for sure. But, I found out that could end sometime soon too (the church needs a new computer and selling the editing equipment might make the most sense... it is not good for me because I use the equipment (especially now that I have no real work) but as hard as it is, I understand). So that was a bummer today too... it probably just added to my frustration.

Now, I do get the idea that things can't just be dropped every time someone comes in to the church because nothing would get done then. I guess I am just bummed out about it. Oh, well. It was a confirmation of sorts... I am ok with that (not that I was going back to LVC.. but just church ministry in general... I couldn't do it for now). I have been praying for doors to shut and this was a good confirmation (even if it was just a mental shutting). So maybe this was my sign for the week that thinking about being in church ministry is not the thing for me right now. I don't know why I am drawn to churches but for now, I need something with more people around me and less silence (this also could be because I am used to 90% of the time I am awake, I have 3 screaming kids.. but really that isn't the only reason).

I think I need to be praying more. Taking time to REALLY pray and read the word. Taking time with Catie to pray and listen. I want God to take my life and drive me down the tracks that He wants. But it is hard for me to listen, submit and let go. I am really going to try and work on that tonight. And because Catie and I finished that series (did I mention that is was a good one?) we should spend some time doing in prayer tonight (I hope).

That is all for now.