B-day week...

So this week is my b-day week and it is BUSY! But honestly, I am excited about being busy. Minus the fact that I have to finish I video this week... my week is full of really fun stuff. Here is my week.

Monday- Work @ Menards 6:30am- 10:30am. Watch the kids from 10:30-3:30pm and then go to church and edit until 8:30 or so.
Tuesday -Work @ Menards. Go shopping for groceries 11:00am-12:00pm. Then watch the kids from 12:30pm-8:00pm (Catie worked late and did something after work)
Wednesday- Shovel 5:45, Menards , Watch the kids from 10:30-3:30pm. Then I am meeting with one of the youth group kids for coffee to talk (one from my small group) 3:30-5:00. 5:00pm-6:00pm Eat dinner (maybe with at my meeting) and then get ready to go sledding, 6;00pm-8:30pm sledding
Thursday- Menards, Kids, Edit from 3:30pm-9:00pm
Friday- Same as above
Saturday- My b-day.. AM- make sure video I have been editing is in the mail. 2:00-4:30pm Go paintballing with my small group (youth guys), 6:30pm-whenever b-day party!
Sunday- 8:00am-12:30pm run sound at church/attend church, 12:30-1:15pm eat, 1:30-4:00pm play snow football. 4:30pm go home. 6:00pm-end of Super Bowl watch the Super Bowl and eat... a lot


So that is my week. It is filled with good stuff. I am excited. Thursday and Friday aren't too big of a deal.. but that is good so I can edit.

It should be a good week though. It has been a pretty good week though. I have had some good conversations and I might be getting an Americorps job which doesn't pay much BUT it will be good and exciting.... I will know more in a few days. But overall it has been a good week... and it is sunny which is always amazing... I love the sun.

Saturday Night Follow up

So, I was kind of bummed about my job tonight and this week in general. I really have felt hopeless... like if I even ever do get a job it will be something I hate... and I just have been wondering if I will ever "fit" into any job I get. I am just mad that I don't have certain skills that will make me money right now (especially web design skills... which is high demand... but the idea of sitting in front of a computer all day sounds like the worst idea I am ever heard... I would almost rather work in a factory... in fact if the pay were the same I might choose factory work over still in front of a computer all day.

Anyways, that this not the point of this post my point is about listening to God... it seems to be working as of late.

So I got home tonight and was really feeling sad about my job situation and on the way home I just felt strongly like I should read the Bible. Well I got home ate some crackers and just watched some TV... but all the while I knew I needed to read the Bible. I just felt it would make me feel better tonight. And so after the 5 shows I was watching ended at 9:00 I shut off the TV and read the Bible.

I have been reading Ecclesiates lately so I opened up to Ecclesiates 5 and started to read. Well, it was exactly what I needed to read tonight. The chapter very specifically talked about life, wealth and a job.... of course :) I was reading the Message Bible so it was worded differently... and tonight that made it very clear. Here is what Ecc 5:18-20 says:

Make the Most of What God Gives

18-20 After looking at the way things are on this earth, here's what I've decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it. That's the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It's useless to brood over how long we might live.

Wow, if that wasn't almost exactly what I was thinking about.... it was crazy to read.... crazy good. Thanks God! Thank you for directing me and thank you for taking care of me... giving me what I need to live... food, clothes and shelter. You have bless me with more than enough, more that what I need just to survive. I thank you for that. I repent of always wanting more. I repent of not being happy with what you provide for me. Let me take your manna and enjoy every minute of it. Let me not grow greedy I love you God. Thank you for life!

No Kids

So today Catie and I had no kids (they were at my mom's). It was nice. I think it has been 2 years since we had no kids at our house. A couple of times Noelen and Soe have been with Grandparents but Jude has always been with us. It was nice. I slept all night... I got up at 9:30. It was great. But I do miss them a bit... I think they give me something else to think about (instead of not having a job).

Catie and I had a good day today. We just went to a bunch of different stores and looked around.... with not kids. It was good to just have with me and her. Going out to the stores make me really bummed though... I just wish we had money to spend on things that we want but we don't have any real "spending" money and we just need certain things. It is just hard to not get things you want... I am tired of not having money. I am learning a lot from not having money but it is not fun I have really been bumming the last couple of days about a job. I hate this.. I hate not knowing what I am going to do. I don't know.... I just have to pursue God in this.

Anyways, tonight I am just chilling (BY MYSELF! That has been a while too!) Catie is out with some friends and I am just watching COPS... and other stuff.. college basketball.. UFC... Antiques Roadshow... and all of these at the same time. Good times... Good times. I just have to make sure I take some time to read the Bible... I need to do that.

So that is all for the weekend. Tomorrow I get my kids and then back to the grind! I love my kids though! Yet it was a nice break..... much needed.

Scared

My newest revelation: I am scared about the economy....

I came to that conclusion last night when talking to Catie. It was not a fun conclusion to come to. I have known I was nervous but I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel for me or other people. I am scared that there will be no jobs for me. I am scared that a lot of that I know people will loose there jobs. And frankly I am scared that I will be stuck doing something I hate for a while and not making any money (not that Menards is anything close to something I would have chosen to do... or the amount of money I make is close to what I want). It is not a fun time right now. It is sad.

That leads me to me next thought. Which might be the answer to my fear... I was praying about finding a job while at work the other day, and I said to God very bluntly, "What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do!?" And literally instantly I just felt God say "pursue me." It was weird.... it wasn't just a normal thought in my head. Because usually if I think of something "God might say to me" it is something I would say myself... wording I would use... And that was not my wording. Also it was an instant answer... as soon as I got the thought off, I had the answer ... and this wasn't a question I had been asking before... so I personally hadn't thought it out before. And then to top it off I had a chill run up my spine.... (although at the time I was semi-close to the door opening closing.... and it was kind of drafty... but still it was different than my normal Josh's wandering mind musings).

After I got over the fact that God may have given me an answer... instantly.... I ask, "What does that mean?.... pursue me?" I was a bit frustrated, thinking "Yeah, I know..." I do slightly remember a semon using the word "pursue" from a little while ago... that God wanted us to pursue Him. (Like the way you would pursue a boy/girl when dating.) But "Pursue me"...???? Does that mean, read the Bible more? Pray more? Don't worry about your job, I got it... Because when I asked God "What to do you want me to do?" It was in the context of finding a job. I was thinking I my get answers like, maybe someone might call me back for an interview or I might actually get a job I applied for or someone would approach me with an awesome deal asking me to do the exact thing I want to do. Or maybe the economy would start turning around all of a sudden (hey, miracles are possible)... but no, I got "Pursue me". Honestly, I was really excited that God may have answered me that quickly but "Pursue me" doesn't make me any money... it doesn't even point me where to go for the most part.

Since then, I haven't really pursued God. Honestly I haven't been pushing harder to find God in all of this. I have been reading my Bible a bit more (which still isn't a ton) but that is hardly a pursuit of Him... pursue is a very descriptive word... like Lions pursue their prey, Cops pursue criminals in high speed chases, I pursue the ball in a soccer game... everything is a chasing after... with everything you have. If a lion really doesn't care about catching his prey it won't happen.. they won't eat, if the police don't push it hard when chasing a person they won't catch them... and a criminal will be free and if I don't pursue the soccer ball I will lose the game (and I hate losing).

So here, I go pursing God as a way to find a job.... apparently leaving the rest up to Him (not that I am stopping looking but apparently the detail He will take care of).... which will be hard to do. I know this sounds like the typical Christian answer, "Just pray about it" but this I guess will be different. I am not praying.... I am pursuing.

I am happy...

About Obama.

Seriously, that guy can give a speech (not that that will make him a great president but still he is nice to watch). I also received an email from a past foreign exchange student that lived with my family for a summer when I was about 16 and he was 17 or 18. He talked about becoming a doctor (in Germany... where doctors make no money) and then he said "Congratulations on your new president. I watched the inauguration on TV over here. It was great!" How many times did you here other countries excited about a president of ours lately... Not that popularity is the best (in fact some people are scared of Obama because people actually like him...why they think we need a big turd in the White House is beyond me... ). But I thought it was cool that my friend was watching the inauguration in Germany. Whether you like Obama or not the fact that he is the first African American president is saying something (although he is just as white has he is black... and honestly that could have played a role in it... but still it is awesome!). I heard on Senator say that he was happy to see the support of a lot of white people yesterday, even if they didn't vote for Obama and probably won't vote for him in re-election, they were very supportive of the historical event that yesterday was.

I liked Obama's speech. I liked that he was honest about the situation we are facing. I liked that he said that a lot of this problem came because people were greedy. It was nice to hear some truth (or what I perceive as truth) given in a speech. I think that I am drawn to Obama because he seems to tell it more like it is.... as much as you can in politics. I just enjoy that. We will see how the presidency plays out in the next few years.... he has his work cut out for him. So in the mean time I will be praying that God works through him and that God protects him and his family.

add on to the last one

I think it was also a hard day because I felt like the door had totally shut on my LVC days. They have move on.. I should too. There is a part of me that really wants to hang around and feel like old times but I can't and shouldn't. It is just hard... I had been around for 5ish years so it was hard to just cut it off... and say... "it been fun. Sorry. See you on Sundays". (Now I know that was not said).

It just wasn't home anymore... whether that is just me feeling that or what... Letting go is just hard... it has been hard. But like I said today will help close the chapter. It was just a hard one. No one did anything wrong... just confirmation are sometimes hard to stomach

Learned something today

Today I learned that I do not miss being at church most of the time. I am either wired for a different church (but Catie and I are call to LVC now) or a different area of church that does not include much alone in my office time (there is a chance that this is an impossibility in church ministry.

Catie was sick today (she threw out her back or something) and I got to go into church (around noon) and edit a wedding video. I just realized while I was in here that I really don't miss it too much. I love the people... but I hate the "semi-isolation"/ library environment. (I do like that they still let me come in though... that is really nice).

I realized I just don't like the each person sitting in there individual rooms communicating only with one another only when necessary (at least that is how I felt today). (quiet, library quiet...) I sat in my room and edited and when tried to chat was given the "I'm busy" feeling. I understand that... I think I do that too when I am really into editing... I just want to plug away and get it done (because I need to). I just was a bit bummed because I was excited that I could come in and see people... and I was hoping they were excited to see me... I am happy that I am still allowed to use the computer and equipment... that is a blessing.. for sure. But, I found out that could end sometime soon too (the church needs a new computer and selling the editing equipment might make the most sense... it is not good for me because I use the equipment (especially now that I have no real work) but as hard as it is, I understand). So that was a bummer today too... it probably just added to my frustration.

Now, I do get the idea that things can't just be dropped every time someone comes in to the church because nothing would get done then. I guess I am just bummed out about it. Oh, well. It was a confirmation of sorts... I am ok with that (not that I was going back to LVC.. but just church ministry in general... I couldn't do it for now). I have been praying for doors to shut and this was a good confirmation (even if it was just a mental shutting). So maybe this was my sign for the week that thinking about being in church ministry is not the thing for me right now. I don't know why I am drawn to churches but for now, I need something with more people around me and less silence (this also could be because I am used to 90% of the time I am awake, I have 3 screaming kids.. but really that isn't the only reason).

I think I need to be praying more. Taking time to REALLY pray and read the word. Taking time with Catie to pray and listen. I want God to take my life and drive me down the tracks that He wants. But it is hard for me to listen, submit and let go. I am really going to try and work on that tonight. And because Catie and I finished that series (did I mention that is was a good one?) we should spend some time doing in prayer tonight (I hope).

That is all for now.

Whats next?

Man, I just got done reading the most awesome blog post. I think it was just posted by my friend Dave on JANUARY 9th... oh wait that was a few Fridays ago..... I sure wish he would give an update. (Sorry Dave, had to get you the message).

Anyways.... so Catie is back to obsessing over my job and stressing over my job. Seriously, when she does this it stresses me out a bunch.

We are looking at different jobs all over the country now; which isn't very fun for us to think about but it is a reality. Since the Thursday night job talk thing Catie and I went to I have felt really unsure of what to do. One thing that did help was I actually forked over all my b-day money to that that super over priced Kolbe test ($65... would have rather used that to do something else). But, that being said it did confirm a lot of things about me and it has a list of 100 job field and talks about how well (or not well) I would do in each one. Unfortunately, there is not a lot out there I am qualified for.... I can't just become a lawyer.

I seriously have no idea what to do... I was "debating" with pastor Ken at church about whether I would just take a job anywhere, away from all family, friends etc and do something I didn't really want to do. He told me, "Its not about whether you like it or not". And I thought "Hell yes it is, if I am moving away from everything I DO like I better like my new job because I can tell you one thing, life at home will not be fun for a little while after we leave". Its not like going and being a pastor somewhere... where you are almost automatically brought in and loved by most people because you are being brought into a community that is supposed to be loving anyways.

A friend of mine emailed me about my last post and he talked about how much money the people that the speaker (from Thurs night) usually tries recruits make.... which is 80-100k. Yeah, I would probably pull up my bootstraps and take off for 80k a year. But lets be realistic here.... unless I am totally missing something.... I am not going to make that.... I will be lucky if I make 40-50k... quite lucky it seems.

So my outlook is not great right now. I need to be in prayer more. I also have noticed that when Catie and I don't do the Bible study thing together we are much more stressed out at each other (and she freaks about jobs more). I just realize the power of spending time together in prayer and God's word. So I should make myself keep doing it even if I don't want to at the time.

So my questions is what should I do? I have no idea.....

To stay or Go... that is the question

So, Catie and I went to this small meeting/class at our church about getting a job and how to get a job. It was ok. I didn't mind it. The guy talk a bit too much about himself/money at the begining but overall near the end I thought it gave some decent ideas on how to search for a job better. He talked about getting to the guy who is hiring... to try and bypass the HR people who just screen you out. He talked about trying to connect with people... trying to be "one of them" on an interview. It was all good to know. (he also gave out some CDs and a resume outline which could be helpful).

So there were some good tips. BUT there was also a fair amount of GLOOM AND DOOM. The whole "Michigan is going down, get out while you can... because it is not getting better anytime soon". He gave the places that were the good ones to move to... Texas... the Carolinas. I think it freaked a lot of people out including Catie.

I think he spoke better to guys then girls. Because the woman that asked questions such as "Do you know anything about jobs in other countries". He quickly, snapped an answer of no not really unless it is mission organization and if it isn't they probably don't need you to work over there". Which is true (in the case of Mexico especially... when you don't speak Spanish) but still I think the woman almost started to cry.


Overall, his advice was ok but you are better off just emailing Dave Ramsey... because really it is a financial decision. So now Catie is freaking out AGAIN about me getting a job... which means she will be on me all the time about getting a job and freaking out when I don't get one and becoming more and more worried/depressed when I don't get one. I was enjoying the time together not being worried. Hopefully this will not be the case but either way apparently Bill was the the speak that Catie needed to hear.

For it was neither here nor there. It was helpful but also a bit unnerving at the same time. I don't know what to do though. First I need to figure out what I am called to do. Because if I were to leave everything behind that I love... it better be for a pretty sweet job... because money isn't everything (although it does help me be less stressed sometimes). So here again would be the reasons to move or not move. Pros and Cons.

Pros
I would be able to have a job and make more money
I might get a job I really love
I would be in a new environment and learn new things
I would meet new people
The kids aren't in school yet so it is easier
I would be excited about life a bit more, if it was the right job

Cons
I don't have good credit now (after this time) and would not be able to get another house, meaning 5 people in an apt
I would be leaving my family and Catie's family (which is important to us.. and take our kids)
I would be leaving all my friends
I would be leaving my church
I might move and find out I hate the job and be stuck with nothing
Catie doesn't want to move
I don't want to move
We would have to find a new group of people we trust to watch our kids
We would lose money on the house

So Catie, called today and said, "We need to finish up all the projects around the house so we can be read to move". It was really weird and sad to hear that. I know with all her heart she doesn't want to move... and honestly, I am open to the idea but NOT excited. Catie and I feel alone around here enough as it is sometimes (and we have a lot of friends). We already wish we were closer to family so we could see them more and have a break from our kids more often.

Honestly, I don't know what to think. I guess I need to pray about it more. The problem with moving somewhere is I don't even know what I want to do... I certainly know it probably isn't video... I guess it could be but I would rather do something else... less technical more people. But that might not be the reality. It just is hard for me to stomach, moving away from everything you love, not really liking a job but just getting paid a good amount. It seems like a crappy option. But sitting around doing nothing isn't working very well either... I hate that too (yet I still find happiness in other stuff... like playing video games tonight).

So here it is:
God, if you want me to move. I need it to be apparent... that is the bottom line. I will look and try not to resist where you are leading Catie and I.

Great Lesson

Last night Catie and I had another good prayer and breaking curses time. It was a good lesson on the Midianite Curse (in a nut shell it is the curse that steals away time, money, emotional well being every year). Then Catie had a dream about the whole thing. She was dreaming about God covering up past issues in her life. Then when she woke up and really thought about what she was dreaming about she realized the significants of it all. It just gave her conformation that God has broken some curses on her life, and on our life. It was cool.

The whole spiritual realm is a bit newish to me. I grew up in a charismatic church so not too much is new but because of some weird things I saw at that church I have been really wary of really getting into the spiritual side of things (even though I knew it was real). To be ok with it and not be overly skeptical or scared of what goes on there, is a new experience. But it has been good. I am growing and understanding and learning to trust that God is bigger than anything I will ever encounter.

That being said I look forward to the next lesson!

Pruning

So to go along with the church theme for today I have been thinking about pruning.... church pruning to be exact.

A long time ago I wrote about LVC needing to be pruned for people that were not in line with what God had in store for us as a church. At the time a knew a few people were leaving (or going to possibly leave). But not all left because they disagreed with something. Some people just left because they felt called somewhere else or they needed to move... or whatever. Yet, since that time the church is much smaller.. numbers have dropped, offering has gone down and yet, I have the feeling we are beginning to gain momentum.

I think the church had filled up with a bunch of people with not the same vision. LVC was trying to be baptist, pentecostal, vineyard and reformed all at the same time... while offending no one... which is not going to happen.... in fact it was making the church dysfunctional. So now we are smaller and still finding out what God has in store for us as a community but we seem to have a vision. At least now, most of the branches that were once in the way of growth (of our church) have since been pruned in one way or another.

Now I am not saying the people that left (or were pruned away) did not fit or would not fit today (although some wouldn't fit) all I am saying is that it seems in order to make the church start to move again there had to be a major overhaul. MAJOR. Like most of the leadership and a lot of the big givers, a lot of people. But that is what needed to be done. any God has been faithful in all of it. I am glad that the leadership didn't fear losing some people... they feared God (and that is what matters).

Yet, all this time I had/have been thinking... "What if I was one of the people that needed to be "pruned away" was me?" I always wondered if I would be ok with that. I just had felt like I tried to hold on so long to be at the church... yet, in the end I always seemed to have the cards stacked against me (in one way or another). For a while I was frustrated but now I wonder if God wasn't involved in the whole thing anyways. I wonder if I needed to be off staff... maybe that was a good thing.. for me and for the church... maybe I was holding things back. I know that God knows what is best... and in hindsight I am beginning to think that it is better that I am not around.

I feel like I am really learning about God lately instead of being frustrated at everything that goes on inside the church right now. If the church didn't need me to be pruned from being on staff ... I needed it. I know that I want to be in ministry (at least that is what I think for now) but being in ministry leading people doesn't work well if you yourself aren't firmly locked into what God is saying. God doesn't need another infomercial spokes person, a person that knows the right lines to say when the camera is on but in reality doesn't really know what the heart is of the people trying to sell it. That would have been me... I was actually at times getting less and less plugged into the Holy Spirit and more and more learning the knowledge of how a church runs.

Now you and I both know that I would never had said whatever the "company line" was just to be a spokes person but still... I was getting further and further from knowing God's heart for me and for the church... and that doesn't add up if you want to be in ministry.

A new Start

So on Sunday Ray Befus (the Regional Vineyard Overseerer) announced that Ken Thomas was going to be the senior pastor at LVC. The announcement didn't come as a surprise to me (I had know that was probably the case for a while) but I still had mixed feelings about the whole thing. When I first foudn out about it, honestly, I was not excited much at all. Not because I don't like Ken, because I really love the guy and think he is awesome, but because I just didn't know if I thought it was the right step for the church to take. I thought there were some problem that might come along with Ken as the head pastor.

To start I didn't know if it was health for him to do it. I just think that because of the whole thing with Paul leaving (and other people thinking Ken squeezed him out... which he did not!) I just am not sure that it doesn't look a bit like a "take over". I think there is a reality that some people will always view it that way (even if they are wrong). Even me who know most of the behind the scenes action of the whole thing am left sometimes wondering if this is what he kind of wanted... even if I know it is not the case.

I know there will be a few people that leave because of this (as I have already heard from one) but that is ok there were a lot of really excited people too (I thought that was a good sign... it surprised me!). I am sure it made Ken feel a little better (as I am sure he was a bit nervous).

The second reservation I had was that I am not sure that teaching and vision casting is the strongest part of Ken as a leader (I think his strengths are in one on one quite time and administration). I just felt that at the time the church needed a person to really lead them... a person people wanted to follow (I guess maybe more charismatic). I also know that Ken doesn't exactly appeal to the younger generation as much... I think Dave does a better job of that (in actions and preaching).

I guess all in all it is up to God. I just have to trust that the elders made the right choice and that God is in this whole imperfect thing. I know that God is present in this whole mess... That being said Sunday was awesome and the most "Vineyardish" I have see in years. Good worship and a good response. God was moving in the church yesterday... in a big way.. it was awesome.

So maybe God was pleased with the decision whether other people were or not. What I do know is that God knows what he is doing. And sometimes he does things that we think, in are feeble minds, are a bad idea... and then it all works out. God has a mysterious way of doing things.

No Heights of Hope Job

So I got an email that I was waiting for saying that I didn't get the positions I applied for BUT that is ok. It went to someone who was already living in the apartments (understandable). So.. God has something better. I will not fear.


God it is up to you!

Financial Curses and Blessings

Seriously, this sermon series I am listening too should be heard by everyone... seriously we should do something like this at church. It is amazing. I think I am going to copy the CD and the material so I can have on hand. Honestly, I am thinking of going through it again right away. Just so I can follow along in the Bible... this a rare thing for me... listening to a whole series more than once (especially something of this length (like 7-9 hours). It is really good. Everyone who reads this blog should be asking me how to get a copy (I recommend the church leaders... seriously listen... it would be really good for the church I think... and of course anyone). It is just really eye opening. If you want to hear them just let me know. If don't that is ok too.. :)

Sunshine!

I love the sun! It is nice. A beautiful day... sun with a few small snow flakes drifting in the air. As Noelen says happily "It is sunny and snowy!"

And our neighbor just snowblew my front path... that was nice. He is a nice guy... he snow blows everyones driveways without them asking. I think he loves to snowblow and just help people out (in fact he just came over with a shovel and "cleaned up" more snow. The sad part for me is that I don't think he is a Christian yet, in a lot of ways, he is more friendly than me (always saying hi as he rides by on his bike or walks). I am impressed of him.... he seriously looks like he is homeless, smokes and drinks all the time BUT is the most genuinely friendly guy on the block. Saying hi and remember everyones' names.... I am embarrassed sometimes that that is not me... it should be me more than it is now. The sad part of the whole thing is that I know we have at least 3 houses near me that have Christians in them.... and they are all much less friendly than he is... in fact... I rarely see the other people.

We are such a "independent culture" and we are taught to be an independent culture (all well following a certain set of unwritten rules of course... that ultimately makes people fit in together). I just realize this summer I need to be outside more... and not in my backyard. This summer Catie and I are going to take more walks and get to know our neighbors better. I want to really know the people I am living around... and you have to start somewhere, hopefully we will see people this summer (I need to remember everyone's names too. That helps in making people feel important... In fact, I can't remember our snow blowing neighbors name). Anyways, it is time that I got out more and loved my neighborhood more... loved the people that are around me that I drive by everyday and never talk to... I should ride my bike more this spring/summer... that would be a start

Can't Shake it....

So.... hmmmm... I wish I could.... I sometimes wish I could get rid of the fact that I seriously want to be in ministry. But I feel ok with the fact that I am where I am right now. Learning what I need to learn for this moment and in the future. I know that I need to mature more personally and spiritually to be able to minister to other people. I need to be stable in myself in order to be stable for others. There is so much I need to learn... although I know, I will never be "fully ready" in my mind. It is like having kids. Yeah, getting "enough" money and time and a good stable job is a good and wise approach before having kids but seriously... you will never have enough time, money, energy or stamina to be ready to have kids. It's like Lake Michigan you just need to jump in.. and eventually your legs will grow numb and the water will feel nice. (I think I just did an example of an example).

Anyways, last night's financial curse/blessings series was good again. I was tired so it was a bit hard to pay attention but still it had a lot of good stuff in it (even if I was only paying attention 80% of the time). Last night the speaker talked about claiming your birthright. And how you go about doing it. How to do it the right way. He talked about timing and patience. And used Jesus as a great example of it. He said that Jesus wanted to begin his ministry when he was 12 (in the temple) but that wasn't the right time and he knew it. So for 18 years he spent his time working for others in a different manner that he really wanted too (doing carpentry). And even when he got into ministry he didn't do miracles and sermons on demand. In fact he did it as quietly as he could for a long time. He was always on God's time. Even if it seemed to be a weird timing. That's the same way it was on the cross. He was all alone, it was his/God's decision. Everyone had left him, no one was pushing him to die for everyone (well I guess the pharisees were wanting him to die). But the timing was all God's perfectly setup. Everything was as the prophets had said and the timing of the cross was perfect.... in only a way that God could make it.

So I guess I will continue to wait (really what choice do I have?). I know God has something more for me than media... I need him to and I just know that there is more (I just have to wait to see in what capacity that will be). I want to be a part of something more than computers and media. I want to help people see the reality of Christ and the life that Christ brings and the hope that real Christian community can bring.

That lead me to say.....

I was thinking the other day about not being a Christian and thinking about what the point of life would be... and I realized. Seriously, there is no point just survival and pleasure... That is all. You see for me, I think about a day or a week and realize there are billions of people out there that need to know Jesus Christ, that need to know the freedom... the hope of something more.

I really began to think about this when I was down in the dumps. I just realized that my life, my purpose is serving God and without that... life is really really crappy. What is the point? Nothing. That is all. Life is just... life. And if Christianity isn't true that how many people really truely believe in heaven or hell? I would kind of wonder... all the time. If I wasn't on earth serving some God.... why the heck would there just be a heaven? I guess for most people it just make them feel better about dying... or gives them a way to understand evil in their minds.

When you think this way it makes more sense why people who don't know Jesus as their savior act the way they do. The whole way they view life is completely different from me. It is virtually the exact opposite. The only thing guiding them is the law... besides that.. all you have to deal with is maybe some guilt



All that being said... that is why I am passionate about people and passionate about people knowing the awesome TRUTH and FREEDOM in Jesus Christ. I know many have heard of Jesus but there is such a difference (even just in your mentality alone). Christianity is something awesome. The reality of Jesus' death on the cross is awesome. It is a family when you have none, a freedom from oppression, a hope for something better, a knowledge of something stronger, the power to do the incomprehensible, a blinding light in the dark, a reality of heaven, a incorruptible justice... it is something to live for. You know something.... you are a part of something... someone.... that will change lives... that will save lives. That is your mission in life... all the other stuff is just surviving.

New style

Soe woke up with this new up and coming style that she designed herself. I believe its kind of an 80's meets today... it even looks like she has on too much blush... perfect.

Curses and Blessings

So Catie and I had a good night last night. We are going through this series about financial curses and blessings. I was skeptical at first but honestly the more I heard (it is a audio series), the more everything lined up with Catie and my lives. The man speaking, Arthur Burk, is really interesting and runs a ministry named Plumbline (somewhere in California). He talked about the reality of curses and blessings and spiritually in peoples finances (so often we just cut spiritually out of parts our lives). It was really interesting. I began to listen harder as he described how some people just never seem to have real favor in the matter of their own finances. Things just happen to them that don't usually happen to other people. He gave an example of having your credit cards paid off and then your transmission fails, or someone gets sick and you don't have insurance (and I a lot more). Now I realize all of these things can happen to anyone at anytime but he also spoke on it happening usually at the same time each year (and it happens almost EVERY fall for Catie and I since we got married). The words he spoke just hit on many things we were feeling.

Yet, he also talked about the reality of people spending money unwisely.... and that is why they have a hard time with money... it may not be a curse... it may be a problem of greed. Catie and I think ours is a little of both. We have made some stupid moves with credit cards in the past... and we are now paying for that (literally). But also there have been so many things that have happened that seem to set us back every year. From jobs, to landlords switching our contracts to force us to pay more, to hospital visits (literally every time someone in our family doesn't have insurance we have a trip to the ER... it is really weird). And usually this always happens in the fall... it is really strange.

Arthur talked about it happening at the same time every year as being a sign of a curse. It just seemed to line up really well. And he back almost everything with scripture... he talked about the Israelite's enemy the Moabites, and how each year at the same time they would come and take food after the harvest... they would come in, take, and then leave. The main idea was that someone along the line forgot to claim their birthright in Jesus Christ. They forgot to claim that they are a part of Christ Jesus... finances and all.

Anyways, there is a lot more to the whole thing... it is hard for me to explain.. but it was really good for the first series. I learned a lot and was able to basically go through a freedom appointment for my finances (or the start of one). It was also really good to take time and pray and study with Catie... it has been, probably 5 years or so since we really did that. I loved sharing that time with her thinking and praying. Just that was worth it.

So we continue on tonight. It will be good. I am excited to heard more and learn more and spend that hour and a half or so with Catie.

Shower

So I got home from Menards today and Noelen had left a BIG surprise for me in his diaper (we have been working on trying to get him to potty train but not this time!). Parents... it was one of those really bad ones.... the ones that do not stay contained in the diaper... yep. Anyways, I wiped off most of it but Noelen still smelled awful so I took him downstairs to the basement bathroom to give him a shower. He has taken showers before but was resistant at first... that was until he got in. Then I think the power of a shower took over him because he stayed in there for 20 minutes (basically until I turned off the shower).

Here is how the shower went:
After about 5 minutes I asked if he wanted out. He responded quickly "No, I still have poop on my bottom". So I proceeded to wash him off... if there was any poop left on him it wasn't much...

At 10 minutes I asked if he wanted out and he gave me the same answer... apparently he figured it worked before why not use the same line again.... like a bad pick up line.

About 15 minutes into the shower I heard him calling me from the shower. I had assumed by this time he was done (that is a longer shower than I usually take). But, no. He called me in to tell me that he "needed the water hotter".... it was cooler but still I started laughing and told him he was almost done and he again gave me the "I still have poop on my bottom line". Oh well I thought... a few more minutes.

So at minute 20 I went in and turned off the shower. I could tell he was bummed and told me for the last time that he had "poop on his bottom still". I responded that "your fine" and he proceeded to get out of the shower. At that point he told me that tile floor was cold and tiptoed across the floor onto the carpet. At that point he was dried off and I put on a fresh diaper and clean clothes.


Don't long leisurely showers start when kids are teenagers? Not when they are 3? I guess that is just a sign of what is to come. It was funny though.

A new Year

Well, today I had an interview. Here it goes! Here comes a new year!

Everything went pretty well EXCEPT... I was having such intense stomach cramps that I though I was going to throw up in the interview and had to "go get a drink" like twice. It was embarassing.. and just seemed to be another thing in my hard times to get a job. But hey, if it meant to be it will happen. I just hope I get to the second set of interviews. (My down side will be that I own a house and can't relocate to the apartment complexes they try to reach).