Can't Sleep...

So last night I slept terrible. I don't know why... Even when I have stuff on my mind I can usually sleep ok.... but not lately and especially not last night. I just keep thinking about church... not just my job either... I am just sad and kind of angry about the whole thing. (i.e. people leaving and not giving just because they are mad.) I guess whatever but I wish people knew what community was... I wish we at church knew what community was (Although I think some people do). I wish (as I said in one of my last posts) that the truth would have been told. Because I don't think Paul has ever really sat down in his own mind to evaluate the last 2 years... right now the story he tells people is mostly just a reaction to what has just happened with the church. There is a quite large back story that most people just will never know... and I think that is ok.... I tell myself that is ok at least... I think it needs to be ok so we (as a church) can move on. It is just hard for me to let it go and be satisfied with people just knowing half truth.

So right now there will continue to be fall out. Everything that has ever happened to anyone from leadership within the church can now be used as an excuse to leave or be pissed (at least that is how I feel it is going). I believe that to be a totally stupid excuse but hey... I guess if the church needs a "full reboot" then people have to go... it is just kind of a bummer.


So as I sat up last night and though about stuff... the only thing that would put me to sleep was praying.... I would say, "ok God, what do you want?" and then start waiting... and then I would fall asleep again.... who knows maybe God just wanted me to fall asleep.