Post #2

Are you good to your word?

I am quickly realizing that is one of my favorite qualities in a person. Will you follow through on your word? That is the question.

Lately, I have just run into people that don't follow through.... I think you do see it the more you work with people. There are some people that are good to their word and their are others that simply don't follow through... they are the excuse people. If they not able to do something there is always an excuse why they can't do it.... it is annoying..... I NEED to make sure I am not one of those people... because I think I can be sometimes.... it is the whole let your yes be yes and no be no thing.... just say it the first time, stick with it and you will be ok.

So I just want to be reliable to my friends and family. I need them to know I will be where I say I am going to be and do what I say I am going to do.

Post #1

So a few days ago I was reading the Bible. During that time I had a lot on my mind as far as church goes.... I was running over what I had talked to other people about (like who is leading the church, where we are going, and who is leaving the church because they are mad... none of which was super productive). Anyways, I was running over all these thoughts in the back of my mind and began to read 1 Samuel 12-15 (somewhere in there). Basically what happened is Samuel says hey... you demanded a king... when all you needed was God... because He is already here and in control, He is your king. But you needed a man to be King so here he is... Now if you and your king follow God, you will be ok... BUT if you don't follow God, God will be against you.

So in essence Samuel said... hey, you guys are dumb. You need to let God be in control (be your king) it would have been simple and wise BUT you demanded a man to lead you. And of course that makes things more complex because YOU have to follow God and HE has to follow God and lead you down the right path or God will get pissed at all of you and be against you.

I think a lot of times.... I am searching for a leader of the church to lead me where I need to go in my walk with Christ... and all I need to follow is God. God is here and he wants to be my king... I need to follow Him. As a church we need to follow him.... we were so long wrapped up in a man... following a man (as most churches do)... all we need is God... it is that simple... no middle man.. just me and God.

Arggg... crap....

Ok that is just how I feel about every Monday.... I am in countdown mode until I need another job (also I have a busy weekend this week). I am going to Chicago for a creative/arts conference (Thursday and Friday) and then leaving early with my friend (Matt) to come back and film a wedding on Saturday.... it is going to be fun but crazy. I am tired just thinking about it.

I need to just hand God my week... in fact I think I will do that right now.

I just stress to much.... I am pretty laid back on the outside... I am not faking that I am happy at the moment (because most of the time I am happy) but just deep down inside I am a worrier.... and I hate that. I always have been. I remember being a little kids and freaking out when my parents were 10 minutes later home than what they said. My mom is a worrier too... my dad always said I got it from her.... but I know is has a lot of stress he internalizes too.

The other problem with stress is it makes me sick (I have IBS and stress makes that worse). (Just a side note... research show that the best treatment for IBS is counseling.... crazy huh... )
And then to top it off I tend to grind my teeth at night when I am really stress. And before ( a few years ago I would get heart palpitations from being stressed). I literally fall apart because I stress to much.We aren't design to be stressed all the time... our bodies break down.

That is what I really need to work on... I know it. Catie knows it... sometimes I just "freak out" and stress about nothing.

Like this job.... I am confident I can get a job..... pretty confident at least... But I still worry all the time. Some of my favorite verses are Matt 6:25-34 I love it because that is the truth... God cares about us more than anything else. He will take care of us... I just have to trust that... I have seen it done in my life over and over again... I just have had to read that verse over and over to remember sometimes.

New Job!

Not for me but for Catie.

Catie got a job today and will work at the Our Street Office part-time (20-25 hours a week). For those of you don't know the Our Street Program is a City of Holland organization that helps neighborhoods (and the people in them) with everything from landscaping & siding to neighborhood resource classes & programs. She is super excited but really nervous because she hasn't worked in 3 years. She will get paid ok BUT the kicker is babysitting will cost almost as much as for her to work.... but she needs a job and wants job... and it is a great step towards what she wants to do in the future (social work non-profit stuff).

So thank God for that one.

New Office...

As a salute to Dave....

Here is my office after August

Catie

So tonight Catie baked some homemade pizza in a toaster oven (because our oven has been broke for 2 months).... and it was really good. It was just cheese (mind you 3 kinds of cheese) BUT it was awesome. I was really proud of her.

Now to some this may seem like a simple task.... but for those of you that know Catie you know that it is pretty amazing for her to just up and make anything from scratch (especially pizza). So I just wanted to say that I was happy and surprised. She is the best

I like when she cooks :) It's nice.

Parents make all the difference

It is interesting what influence parents have in shaping their kids lives and even personalities. I am actually quite amazed. I have been thinking about it quite a bit lately. Just looking at my own kids... they do have their own personality but it just amazes me how much of you ends up in your kids. If your kids is popular... you probably influenced that; if your kid is a dork, you probably had a lot to do with that; if your kid is awesome, you probably had something to do with that.... you get the idea.... what you do and how you raise your kids makes a big difference.

Catie and I were just talking the other day about whether we would let our kids dress dorky (or in essence be dorky). Catie says no... I probably would try and steer them to dress not dorky.... but, on the other hand, my junior year in high school I wore sweatpants and pajama pants (almost everyday)... mind you at that point it didn't matter as much in school (I hung out with most people (from "dorks" to jocks)).

It just amazes me how MUCH of you is in your kids. I love sports.... most likely at least one of my 3 kids will like sports because of me (or at least it will be an influence in their life). The same goes with music and art... Catie and I both value fine art stuff so most likely one of then will like music and/or art too... but who knows.... you never can tell. Maybe I am just hoping. But I have noticed some of my parents in myself lately (scary....... apparently parenting brings that out in you).

I don't think my kids will be dorky because as far as I know Catie and I aren't too nerdy. BUT we did talk and decide that we would rather have a kid that is a dork and doesn't get into drinking, partying, and everything that goes along with that. Dorks and nerds are fine as grown-ups... (most of them at least). A lot of them just end up making a lot of money :)


Realistically I won't make the difference whether they are cool or dorky... and it shouldn't matter to me either... I am not going to live through my kids. I just am going to love my kids the best I can and steer them to God. That is the other thing that parents GREATLY influence... your relationship with Jesus... it just matters. If God is first in your life it impacts your kids. Now that doesn't mean your kids will all go the same direction in their faith as you (and it doesn't mean they will stay out of trouble) but you love for Christ... when you show it.... makes a huge difference.

If you haven't seen this you should

This must be why PCs are better than Macs.....

Cool Little Video

well...

I don't have much to write about today.... I am tired this morning.

I am getting ready to move on from church. It should be good... I think. It is a bit of a bummer but in the end I think it will work out for the better. It should hopefully give me a bit more of a focus on where I should go with my life... but who knows. I am admittedly nervous about the coming months because I am not sure about paying bills but I just have to trust that God will provide for us as a family. He always does.

I think I will probably end up in a job in Grand Rapids... there are a lot more media jobs out there. I am not looking forward to the drive in the winter or the gas. Yet, I do like driving most of the time... it will give me a chance to listen to my ipod more.

So that is all for now.

God Counterpunch

So this morning I was kind of bumming about the church and the people but then I got to church and got reminded that
#1. There are still a lot of people there that support the current leadership
#2. God is a lot bigger than me or anyone who is mad about whatever they are mad about
#3. I believe in the leadership we have in the church

So we had a good service... Ken preached a (kind of long) but good sermon. Worship was really good... I don't think I have ever heard Matt be that free to do whatever he felt lead to do... it was awesome. People were into the worship and into the message. There were a lot of people that the message impacted (even if not a ton of people came up after the service to get prayed for). You could feel it in the crowd and hear it in the crowd (someone even said "Now that's good preaching!" Which I though was funny but cool). So Ken dropped his original message and preached what he felt called to preach and God delivered.

So after all my worrying and complaining.... God showed me what I knew was true. It is all going to work out. There will be hard times. Mistakes have been made along the way on both sides. But forgiveness will happen (in time) and it is necessary for us to move together. It is ok if people leave... it will happen... and me of all people should know that it is ok to let people move on (I am the one who always talked about wanting to cast a real vision and follow it whether everyone likes it or not).

So here we go. We are going to be a church on the move and I believe God will bless it and bless us in the process... we maybe a bit tight at times financially BUT God is in control... I just have to remember that.

Can't Sleep...

So last night I slept terrible. I don't know why... Even when I have stuff on my mind I can usually sleep ok.... but not lately and especially not last night. I just keep thinking about church... not just my job either... I am just sad and kind of angry about the whole thing. (i.e. people leaving and not giving just because they are mad.) I guess whatever but I wish people knew what community was... I wish we at church knew what community was (Although I think some people do). I wish (as I said in one of my last posts) that the truth would have been told. Because I don't think Paul has ever really sat down in his own mind to evaluate the last 2 years... right now the story he tells people is mostly just a reaction to what has just happened with the church. There is a quite large back story that most people just will never know... and I think that is ok.... I tell myself that is ok at least... I think it needs to be ok so we (as a church) can move on. It is just hard for me to let it go and be satisfied with people just knowing half truth.

So right now there will continue to be fall out. Everything that has ever happened to anyone from leadership within the church can now be used as an excuse to leave or be pissed (at least that is how I feel it is going). I believe that to be a totally stupid excuse but hey... I guess if the church needs a "full reboot" then people have to go... it is just kind of a bummer.


So as I sat up last night and though about stuff... the only thing that would put me to sleep was praying.... I would say, "ok God, what do you want?" and then start waiting... and then I would fall asleep again.... who knows maybe God just wanted me to fall asleep.

Trust?

So today I found out that at the end of August I am done working at my church. Bummer. It is not that they don't want me there. It is that they have no money. So that sucks. I am pretty bummed... and worried about getting another job, because frankly I don't know what I am going to do. Right now I am screwed because I need to make real money... college educated money. Freelancing won't work (I am not organized enough) and I don't really want to go to another church if I don't have to. And if we had to move, because the economy around here is absolutely terrible, we would probably lose $7,000 when selling our house...ouch.


So this is where I trust God.... I guess..... It is tough. Do I believe nothing is impossible for God as I sang on Sunday? Sometimes I don't know. I think I am ok with being done at church.... I am just scared that I won't find something to make enough money.

So life sucks... again. Catie and I were excited about her getting a job BUT now she can't because I probably won't have flexible hours sooooooo we will spend more years on government support..... yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (actually that sucks and I usually hate it). So that leaves me nowhere.

So God, I need a hand. Cause right now I am sad and confused and pissed and tired of life. I was already tired before this...

This was just the icing on a cake that life was baking for me. But at the same time I know God is going to move me somewhere I guess I need to be. I do have to trust... I do trust. It just seems kind of shitty right now.

Let's be honest

So first off... good service on Sunday. It was different and good. It was good to see God at work in the midst of our church and the congregation again... its been a while.

So as of late I have been thinking about honesty. What is honesty? And how honest should we be? Most people will tell you they want you to be honest with them, but most of the time that is just not true.

I was reflecting on the last year and many events and realized most people want to hear what they want to hear.... even me. You don't want to hear the truth when you have already formed your opinion. It happened a lot in my church over the past year. People like the pretty picture they have of the church... not a place with flaws. (unfortunately, it is easier to not know what is going on behind the scenes... hopeful that will change).

Honesty is tough.... I love it but it can get out of hand. When honesty is just opinion, you run into trouble. Likewise, if you tell everyone everything it can become a problem.... I guess there are somethings that people are better off not knowing (although in many cases for me that is still up for debate). Often people don't want to hear your opinion (even if it is truth) unless they ask or unless you agree with them (more often the latter). People don't want truth unless it is pretty or doesn't involve them. It is sad but true.


I think throughout life we find ways to excuse not being honest with one another. Yes, it will be awkward and hard to say the truth but ultimately, "the truth shall find you out"... and if the truth is never found... your "skating around the truth" will often come back to kick your ass (or other people's....). Deceit is much easier... for everyone (at least it seems to be true at the time). Deceit = getting out of a tough situation and avoiding any awkwardness/anger. It seems good at the time but usually never works out.

A good example is when my wife asked me if she looks good in a certain outfit. The easy answer is "Yes, honey, you look good in anything" but I don't say that because I hate bull $#!T. So usually I say VERY nicely that it doesn't look great and what I would change. Catie doesn't always like the answer but I know in the long run she appreciated not going in public with a weird outfit (or whatever the case may be). The same goes when a person has something on there face (like food or a booger). Yes, telling them is weird sometimes but it is better than them going the whole day looking dumb.

Unfortunately, I have found Christians do this as more often then people outside of Christianity. A lot of that has to do with the fact that we are trained to be nice and happy and not to say "mean" things to people (which a problem in itself).

#1. Being "happy" and "nice" it not always the correct answer. #2. People do need to hear the truth and sometimes the truth is hard to say... but necessary (you have to use your best judgment when saying hard things to people... I have learned from experience... think and pray before you speak).

A lot of the church stuff over the past year could have been avoided if we were all honest... it wouldn't have fixed everything but it would have made the end result a lot easier. If the congregation wouldn't have been deceived, if the staff would have been completely honest with each other... things would have been a lot different. It would have been harder at the time but the end result would have felt better (at least to me :)

Likewise, in a lot of the other situations where I have avoided the awkward conversation at the time to save my own butt... that comes back to haunt me. I either get more stressed about it over time or somehow the person that I should have told the truth to earlier find out the hard way what I should have told them long ago.

The Bible speaks a lot on honesty and how important it is but it also speaks on the power of the tongue.... so speak wisely. Prayer and wisdom is the key.

Getting Old

So I think I am getting old or something.....

#1. I drive a minivan.... and frankly kind of like it because it is SUPER comfortable.
#2. TV shows and certain music bothers me to listen to if it has a really bad message or is trashy. Like a lot of the MTV shows and hit songs..... man I feel old just saying that.

#2. is the one that is more strange to me. I know in college I would watch shows like family guy and for the most part I thought it was awesome and hilarious... now I definitely don't watch it when Catie or the kids are around but even when they aren't around.... it is too "trashy" a lot of the time. I just can't watch it. Some parts are funny... but it is the other stuff I don't like.

And it is the same way with music. I would rather spend my time listening to worship music (most of the time... not all the time) then listening to the latest hits. I will say I don't have to just listen to christian music or think I need to... I just sometimes like it more.

I say all this to say.... I hope I am not turning old and uptight. Those are two things I want to avoid.... big time. But my problem is some stuff is just so bad... I don't want to watch or listen... it actually bothers me.

So here is my conclusion....
#1. I am getting older
#2. I have kids and I really start to realize the crap you/they watch sticks with you and forms who you are.
#3. I am more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I realize more now that God doesn't want me filling my head with crap... and I know that. And I think I know His voice better than I used to.

I just don't want to go down the road of the uptight Christian.... but I guess if that means steering clear of junk for my family and listen to the Holy Spirit I will probably be better off anyways.....

Oh boy... here we go... the journey to being old. :)