That being said the other day I woke up and felt completely free and happy and worry free for the entire morning. I was excited to just be going through another day... I haven't felt like that for YEARS literally is has probably been 3 years.... it felt awesome. I don't even really know why I felt like that. I was talking about starting a non-profit media company up.... and that excited me... but that doesn't seem like it would relieve all of my stress about finding a job...
Then the polar opposite came into play. The next morning I woke up and I just felt angry. I was thinking about all the church stuff that has happened over the past 2 years and thinking how it was dealt with and thinking how people reacted... it made me want to yell at someone about it. That being said I am just frustrated about life right now, so maybe church is just the thing I vent about.... which I think is possible... but it is more than just a thing to vent on.
Anyways, I am tired of the whole church thing..... and it has really left me with a bad taste in my mouth as far as church ministry goes. I just don't know if I am cut out for it... you have to be too nice about everything....nice isn't really the word.... I guess I realized you just can't say many things because people won't like to hear it... it doesn't matter if it is true you just can't say it. And if people aren't happy then the whole church is in an uproar and people don't tithe and they are mad all the time.... even if they don't know even a teeny tiny amount of what ACTUALLY went on. (They hear only what the one side wants them to hear and then from there the people filter everything though their own personal filter and then come up with ideas far from the truth.) Anyways, hopefully we can just be done with the whole church thing. I know I am.
Ultimate I have learned you can't tell people the truth... at least not the full truth... you don't have to lie... but the hard thing about being in ministry at a church is you have to be ok with people just not knowing the whole story.... and I even agree that that philosophy sometimes is the best way to go. But that being said I hope I will always be brutally yet lovingly honest (is it possible that those two ideas even fit together? I think they can... but I have to work on the loving part).
That al being said Lakeshore Vineyard is a great place. They have done a lot for me personally and spiritually... I love the people there. Church is just hard for me to stomach right now... I am interested in being a part of it but who knows if I will ever fit into being on staff at one again... I kind of hope so.. but only God knows.
So that being said today was a good day. I like that I am able to film different things. Filming has taken me around the world and continue to let me do cool stuff. Today I flew up to Traverse City (it was a pretty flight) and filmed for a few hours (ate some pancakes) and then was back home by noon... flying is great the more I do it the better it is.
So that being said today was a good day. I like that I am able to film different things. Filming has taken me around the world and continue to let me do cool stuff. Today I flew up to Traverse City (it was a pretty flight) and filmed for a few hours (ate some pancakes) and then was back home by noon... flying is great the more I do it the better it is.
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