Hard times

HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Sigh.....

I thought I was going to be able to go into church and edit some last project but out babysitter fell though today... oh well I guess.

So this week has been really hard. Tuesday night Catie and I had a big fight. I think we are emotionally both tired and not doing too well. It was tough. We are good now but everything is hard right now. I AM SO FREAKIN TIRED OF LIFE! I am really tired and even though I look generally pretty happy on the outside I am actually super stressed and pretty angry... I just don't dwell on that all the time, so a lot of people miss it unless you know me. I am not hiding my pain and anger from people... it just doesn't consume me all the time.... but it is in the back of my mind all the time... and I tend to have a shorter fuse... much shorter.

So after Catie and I fought we both ended up crying it was good but I am still stressed... a good cry (which is very rare for me) made me feel a little bit better. The job thing is just really getting me. And as time went on I realized more and more that I haven't been really happy/excited for a long time. Life is just a car and I am tied to the back of it dragging down the road. I've been trying to run along with the car but I am getting tired and am getting dragged more and more as time goes on. I want to drive the car... or maybe let God drive.... but I would love to at the very least sit in the back seat.

My family is the thing that keeps me going. That and putting my mind somewhere else (in sports and fantasy football). But I don't need an escape because those escapes are fun but they don't relax me and release me of my tension.

I know I need to spend more time in prayer... I really do. I am just tired... of everything. Sometimes I don't even want to pray anymore... but I deep down inside know Jesus is the answer... relying on Christ for my needs and comfort is the only thing that will work.

I think as I grow older (not that I am old and wise now) I just begin to understand life and people a little bit more. Pretty much I few years ago I didn't know anything... and really I don't know all that much now. I just more and more realize what a hurting species we humans are. Life is painful for A LOT of people. The road is rough for a lot of people too... and the more I go through it the more I sympathize with more people. I think hard times make me mad but I feel more and more compassionate for people too. Life is not fun very often... and I don't think that is the way that God intended it to be. And not just before the sin of Adam and Eve... I think God wants us to enjoy life RIGHT NOW! I will always believe that... even if I have a crappy job.... I will continue to try and find a job that I do want to do. Work is too much of life not to like it. I think we are supposed to have fun


I also have learned that money doesn't by happiness but it sure as heck would make me feel a little bit better. I would be less stressed that's for sure.

So thats all for now........