So its been another week

I just haven't written because I haven't had much nice to say. I have just been really mad lately... and on Friday I was also busy..... making sure I have no more kids.... and then going to the ER. But all is well now. I am feeling good health wise.... although it did make me re-evaluate what I eat (I need to eat better and be more healthy... I want to be around for my kids).

I still haven't had ANYONE call me back since I had the recording studio call me in and tell me they didn't have a job for me.


Life is tough right now. I am really struggling with God this is the first time I have really been like "God what is up? Where are you?" But I am mad so I don't take the time to really spend praying and talking to God or even reading my Bible.

Totally off subject. My friend Dave told me to get Joshua Radin... he is good. I am listening right now. I always like pop-folk... that is probably my favorite kind of music... it has been for a while.

So what do I do. Right now I go to work at Menards at 6am get off at 10am (getting paid $8 an hour). Then I go home and watch the kids while Catie goes to work until 2:30pm and then I go in and work on the last video project I have left. Life is not fun... its so freakin stressful. I am honestly lost.

I know I know. "Its the economy." Yep, I've heard that. I always feel like saying "You have a job... you don't even understand... but thanks for the uplifting words...let me know how it is after you can find a job... and pay the bills".

So, thanks God.... where are you? I know I still have a home and food.... but soon I won't have enough to pay for that. I do know you are in control. I really do. But I just don't know where you are right now... where do you want me? I am confused. I have sent out a bunch of resumes and heard nothing... it is really crappy.

On a bright note out insurance is replacing a bunch of our stuff that got flooded in the basement. I have felt really blessed by that... especially because the basement has been such a pain... it makes me thankful. Honestly, the insurance is one of the few ways I have seen God working in bad situations lately (in my life at least).

I would pretty much do whatever job right now to feed my family. I am beginning not to care. I would like to go somewhere where it matters that I went to college... but that never seems to be my life. I was sitting back thinking the other day that I just don't get life..... especially school. Your always told.... work hard in High School... so I did and graduated in the top 10 of my class with a 3.78 (we only had 83 kids in my class). So then I went to college and studied an "up and coming career" and again graduated with Honors.... and you know what all of that means. NOTHING! nothing at all. What a joke. (Although I am glad I worked hard at school (it helps throughout life) and I like that I know how to do video.... it is fun).

So now what? Whats next? Another job that keeps me floating for 6 months? I am just really tired of transition. I have been on a 6 month period for the last 3 years.... I don't want that anymore... yet... I do like new things.. but it is really stressful right now.



Be the light on my path, God... because I can't see where I am going and feel like I keep running into crap in the dark.