Job

So..... I have been stressing about getting a job lately. I can't get it off my mind... I know I have been tense and can see myself taking it out on other people (especially my kids.... although they have been especially obnoxious the yesterday... I think they are tired and can probably feel my stress... and the fact that Catie is going to work).

I just don't know. I know the place that I was hoping to work at doesn't have a full time position open... so there goes that idea.... they might have some freelance stuff but nothing consistent.... I just so tired of "nothing consistent". I am tired of it all... what I would do for a consistent job that paid ok.....

I also know that I haven't been giving my junk to God on a daily basis and that always makes me more stressed and frustrated. It is tough... or at least I make it more tough than it is.

I also don't like not going into church until later. I like that time away. I also don't have the time to do what I need to do going in later.... but I will make it work. I just keep missing the people I need to talk to... but I have to trust that this is the right thing to do right now.

To add to that I am wondering what to do about a babysitter when I get full time work. It will basically use all of Catie's paycheck.... that sucks.

I just make myself trust that God has something different for me out there. God has the place that I need to go..... I just need to find it fast...... Its funny, I say I need to trust God but I need what I want "NOW". I don't know if that works.... I just have a hard time waiting for God to put me where he needs to.

So I write this wondering how to stop the wheels from spinning. Is this life? 90% stress? 10% fun. Is that what kids are... is that where life leads? If that is the case... wow... that really sucks. I just wonder if everything seems so rocky because the stage of life I am in or if it is just going to be rocky for a lifetime. It makes me tired.... and it isn't very much fun.