A quick one

So I want to write a blog but don't know what to write about. Most of my blogs are usually about being frustrated with life but really that is what is on my mind a lot... I just can't help it. I was feeling really weird today...  just totally out of it... Catie said I was acting really really weird... so I took most of today off and will work on Monday... I also took a nap for 3 hours so now I am pretty awake right now.

So, this week has been fast but good. It was technically my last week at church BUT I have to do some stuff I didn't do this week so I will be around. It is crazy... 3 years and just like that... done.

On another note, yesterday was fun, I found out at 10am that a Wings of Mercy flight was leaving at 1pm that day and that I could ride along if I wanted. I did want to so I found a babysitter and took off. It was cool. It was the Metalflow private jet that we took to pick up a family from North Carolina. I like flying the more I do it... I still get a bit nervous but a private Jet is not too bad :) It is amazing how fast it is to fly places (privately).... we left Holland at 1pm and were on the ground back in Holland (after flying to NC) before 5pm it is so awesome. So today I was telling everyone at Menards... "Yeah.... I took a trip to North Carolina yesterday". It was fun.... I would do it again.

Now I am getting tired.... I guess I should be I was up at 5:20 but the nap has kept me going.

I am nervous about the upcoming week. Mostly the interview... I hope it all goes well... and it is where I am supposed to be. A couple of people wonder if they want to talk to me because I have a film background and the state of Michigan just made that movie refund for anyone that films in Michigan gets a bunch of money back.... so maybe I will be doing sound for movies.... that could be interesting. I'll have to pray about it if I get an offer.... I need to be ok with what movie I am sound editing for.... I just will have to pray how to manage faith and industry (music and film). 

Anyways, that is all for now. I am off to bed.

So I want to write another post.... everyone is in bed and Catie is at the store. I love it. 

So what is going on.... hmmm.

Well this week was interesting in many ways. It just seemed like a really weird sad week in the christian community. I pastor/friend had to step down out of leadership at his church because of some serious marriage things, Todd Bentley the guy who has been having the revival in Florida for so long just separated from his wife and stepped down from his ministry for a while, and pastor who sang on the newest Hillsong album (he sang a song about God being his healer.. saying it was inspired/written after he came home after being told he only had a little while to live and had a video about being diagnosed with terminal cancer and singing the healer song live with oxygen tubes going to his nose). So after all that he came and out said the whole thing was a lie. He even told his wife he had had cancer for the last 2 years. Wow... that is crazy.

So it was a sad week. I know stuff happens to people in the christian community all the time but it just was interesting that I was connected to or recently paid close attention to all of those guys. It is just proof of the fact that we are sinners.... NO ONE is immune. It is probably even harder for people in leadership not to make errors (and they are magnified in the spotlight). And Satan will be after then harder. It is just crazy and sad. I was really bummed out about all of them. 

My pastor/friend- biggest bummer for me and especially Catie

Todd Bentley- I wasn't as surprised... he worked a lot of hours and was really thrust into a spotlight. I was sad though and there were some articles that ripped him and his ministry pretty hard

Healer Guy- Wow, maybe the hardest to understand. Why lie about terminal cancer? And to everyone around you as well. There was about a million dollars donated to his healer fund cause thing... That is tough to swallow.

None of those are things that I like to see christians representing... but I do understand they are just people... and Satan loves to attack them, I an just amazed at the whole thing.. I wsill haven to thing about it.

anyways I am tired and going to bed 

Rolling with the waves

So yesterday I played hockey and was really frustrated for some reason. I know I am very stressed right now but I didn't have a bad day or anything... in fact it wasn't too bad at all. But last night at hockey emotions ran high and my really good friend and I were totally jawing and actually getting really mad at each other. It was quite abnormal for our weekly games. I thought he was wining too much but I was being a real ass to him as well. So we verbally rumbled... then I felt like an ass and apologized... and so did he. He is my really close friend so when we rumble (usually in sports... maybe once every year) I always realize just how dumb the whole thing was after the fact. Anyways, it was stupid by me.

There was a question he did ask me while we were arguing that almost made be stop and tell him the truth. He asked (while we were arguing) "What is up with you today?" (or something very close to that). And for a moment in my head and deep down I thought.... " I am really really stressed out about life right now... I am just really scared and tired and feel a lot of pressure from 100 different angles" but of course because I was mad at the time so I did the "manly thing" and just said "Nothing's wrong" (which of course wasn't true).

So that is over now and I had a pretty productive day today. I am nervous because yesterday I found out I am having a job interview at River City Studios in GR and I am excited but feel the pressure to make a decent amount of money and have fun at the same time. I guess I just have to trust God. I think that is usually my problem with my attitude so much of it depends on how much time I am spending in the word and in prayer. I am been very often talking to go and just saying "I give this day today you God.... for you are in control of my life".... I say that (or something like that) many mornings but a lot of time that seems to be my only real God time. Usually I just allow my life to sweep me away with the daily waves we come upon in life. 

That is why I titled this blog Rolling with the waves... I want to be swept through life right now... only I don't want me and my schedule to be the thing sweeping me through life. I need to be swept away by God. I know that sounds a bit cliche BUT really I feel like a lot of my life is me trying to swim against the giant waves of life. And I am just getting hit over and over and over again. And I feel like I have been treading water for days or even years just to stay afloat in life's crazy current. I need to just float and trust that God will lead me where I need to be. Because I can't stay afloat much longer... and it is not even a financial thing as much as it is a personal thing that I need for myself and my family and my relationship with God.

So God I need you to sweep me up and roll me in your waves. I know you are in control of where I am going. Help me to know that. You know how much money I need... you always have known. 

On a side note my computer is broken again and I have an older mac book pro... it is sweet. The keyboard is buttery smooth... I will get a mac next.. for me at least... Catie is not convinced. 

That was until I tried to "apple paste" and it didn't work. I dont like that about this mac

10 days...

So I haven't posted in a while. So much has happened over the last week and a half... it has been crazy.

Up to date:

1. I still don't have a job. Monday I am calling everyone that I sent my resume to and going into Manpower.... I need to pay the bills

2. We had a final "townhall" meeting at church to discuss the future and what happened with Paul leaving... it was interesting... it went as well as expected... I have my own thoughts I may share at some time but really I just want to be done with that.

3. My basement flooded with sewage... again... and it cost me $600 to "fix" for now (get the pipe unplugged).

4. Catie has been working and my schedule is crazy

5. I started working at Menards again. I really didn't want to go back... but man do I ever like the people there... I just love interacting with them... most of them are awesome and if they are just ok, I still usually like them :)

6. Had a garage sale today that was good. IT IS SOOOOO FREAKIN HOT AND HUMID OUT!

7. I made canvases for church tomorrow... they are ok they will work I hope... now I just need to hang them up.

8. I have to run sound tomorrow then have draft parties from 1pm-10pm... wow that will be a long day.

9. I like fantasy football.... hopefully it is better this year

10. I am getting older.... I can barely keep my eyes open and it is 9:40


so that is all for now more to come soon!

but really I think only 3 people read this so it doesn't matter :)

Quick post

So what has been happening lately..... hmmmmm.


Well I talked to one of my friends online (on Facebook). We hadn't talked in years.... she was a good friend in high school and our parents were friends. It was a really good chat. She is now a preacher's wife and mother of a little girl. The crazy thing about her being a preacher's wife is that her husband was really into drug and other stuff in high school and now he has done a complete 180... it is always cool to see God at work.

So anyways we had a good conversation about life and then we transitioned into talking about salvation and if you need to be baptized to be saved. I said I didn't think so and she said she believes you have to be baptized to be saved. Then we continued to talk and she gave me some verses to look at (the verses that she believes points to baptism and faith in God as the way to salvation). I said I didn't have a bunch of verses to prove that you don't have to be baptized to be saved BUT I said let me do some research and find out.

So lately I have been reading her verses (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38, Rom. 6:3-4, Col. 2:12,
Gal. 3:27, I Pet. 3:21). I have read most of them and the surrounding verses to try and put it into context.... and so far after talking with some people I respect a lot, doing my own research, and comparing notes... I still don't think you have to be baptized to be saved BUT I think it is true (and most people have said this) that baptism is a more important part of salvation and Christianity than we often make it.

My old pastor (Paul) told me that baptism is symbolic (which is all throughout scripture) and that not being baptized is like not having the wedding ceremony at a wedding....
Biblically you could (just you and you wife) go into the woods and make a commitment to each other and to God and then hop into the sleeping bag together BUT there is something about having the wedding publicly that is both essential and needed (and symbolic... 2 being made 1 and the symbolism of the wedding ring). The ceremony isn't biblically needed BUT at the same time there is something about expressing you commitment publicly.

So I have to go and do more research but right now I think I am leaning toward the reality that baptism is not needed to be saved.... I just don't think it works that way.

Married

So my mom got married this weekend... it was good... a little bit weird but I am actually ok with it. I am just at peace with the whole thing. I got to walk her down the isle so that was good and strange at the same time. I just am happy that she is married and taken care of... and has a partner that is actually attrated to her...

It is so weird to think that not only are my parents not married but my mom now is married to someone else... if you would have told me that 5 years ago I don't think I would have believed you.. in fact I know I wouldn't have believed you. Wow... in just a few years the people I thought I knew the most are in the most different places I would have though. I also realized I didn't know either of them very well... I saw them through the rose colored glasses they put on me. A life that seemed good on the outside but was really tough in fact. I realized my mom was really needy and had no idea how to take care of herself (but I will say she has grown a ton over the past few years). And then there is my dad... I found out he led a secret life and was not the man that he seemed... to anyone. He is still a good dad and grandpa, I just will always have a hard time knowing if I can believe him and what he tells me. But that is a whole other issue.

So my kids will have a bunch of grandparents now (or at least it seems like it). I still don't know what to do about my dad's partner, especially if they stay together for a long time (which I think is possible) I guess they will just call him by his first name...

So that is all... those are the thing I think about and struggle with as far as my parents go. I will say it makes me feel like I will make my marriage last no matter what... it sucks to be on the other side... the kid of divorced parents.

typing

oh God I need you.... I feel like I am drowning. I need to catch my breath. I need your breath... your air to free me. I am so tired of the 6 month cycle of uncertainty. I am tired of worrying about bills and not saving.

You are my source.... I don't know that I always make you my source but you wait patiently for me. Waiting and watching. Waiting for me to come running to you. You just wait. As I spin around and around and around..... making myself sick for no reason. You alone hold the answers and direction to my life. I thank you for that, God.

So just speak into my life. Let me allow you to become a part of who I am daily. I need you to guide my path because right now I am lost. My path is dark and I don't know which path to follow. God, you alone..... You alone are my source. I thank you for being willing to sit and watch me and still except me when I try to do everything on my own.

I thank you for the hard times. The hard time that have lead me closer to you. I thank you for what you have shown me through the last 3 years.

It has been tough... the last 3 years have seemed like 10 years... from my family crumbling apart, to having a son, finishing school and then having 2 more kids... life has been crazy and tiring.... and just like always... I don't think I make my life easier all the time. I thank you for those hard times though. I thank you for the wisdom and experience I have gained from everything. I thank you for the dark chapters in my life. Honestly, they suck and I don't enjoy them... but you use all things for good... I draw closer to you because of those hard times. They have given me such a passion to know you and follow you.... I make me NEED to know who you actually are. And I love you more because of it. Thank you God.

may I just find a plce of rest in you. May I take the time to find rest in you... real rest God. I just thank you for my family, friends and everything else that I have been so vastly blessed with. You have given me a lifetime of wealth.... let me be statsified with that wealth... it is not about financial wealth... help me to truly know that in my spirit. You give me everything I need.... you are everything I need.

I thank you for the beauty of the day. The new day you bring. I thank you for growing kids... and my awesome wife... and that they are healthy... you have given me so much. You are beautiful Lord

Thank you

Job

So..... I have been stressing about getting a job lately. I can't get it off my mind... I know I have been tense and can see myself taking it out on other people (especially my kids.... although they have been especially obnoxious the yesterday... I think they are tired and can probably feel my stress... and the fact that Catie is going to work).

I just don't know. I know the place that I was hoping to work at doesn't have a full time position open... so there goes that idea.... they might have some freelance stuff but nothing consistent.... I just so tired of "nothing consistent". I am tired of it all... what I would do for a consistent job that paid ok.....

I also know that I haven't been giving my junk to God on a daily basis and that always makes me more stressed and frustrated. It is tough... or at least I make it more tough than it is.

I also don't like not going into church until later. I like that time away. I also don't have the time to do what I need to do going in later.... but I will make it work. I just keep missing the people I need to talk to... but I have to trust that this is the right thing to do right now.

To add to that I am wondering what to do about a babysitter when I get full time work. It will basically use all of Catie's paycheck.... that sucks.

I just make myself trust that God has something different for me out there. God has the place that I need to go..... I just need to find it fast...... Its funny, I say I need to trust God but I need what I want "NOW". I don't know if that works.... I just have a hard time waiting for God to put me where he needs to.

So I write this wondering how to stop the wheels from spinning. Is this life? 90% stress? 10% fun. Is that what kids are... is that where life leads? If that is the case... wow... that really sucks. I just wonder if everything seems so rocky because the stage of life I am in or if it is just going to be rocky for a lifetime. It makes me tired.... and it isn't very much fun.

Karitos Conference

So I just got home from the Karitos Conference. I had to leave early because I have to film a wedding today... but that is ok. I think the conference was intersting...... a whole bunch of creative people together is good... it was good for me too see and experience too. They are just a lot more free to worship... it was also cool because it is really mixed culturally... so you get to see a different perspective and hear different music, which is always fun. So overall the conference was pretty good. I think that Catie likes the conference more than me but I am glad I went.

There were some things that I would impliment in church if I could... I just wonder if it works so well at a conference because the people at the conference and leading the conference all think alike so it is a lot easier to do things... but it could work. I just have to remember the stuff that I liked. One thing I do know that I liked was the OPENNESS to the moving of the Holy Spirit is worship and people were just excited... they were excited about praising God. Even if things didn't go well all the time musically people were into worship and teaching BECAUSE they were excited about worshiping God... it was refreshing. Very Refreshing.

Also there was this painter/sculptor who I got to talk to that was really interesting. He just travels the country painting and sculpting stuff during worship. It was awesome.... he is amazing and has some cool stories about traveling around the country and just stopping at random places and painting in the middle of a town somewhere. He simply goes to Walmart buys a sheet and some wood to build a frame... and then goes into the middle of the town and begin to paint. He also randomly goes to high schools and does chalk drawings on the ground (usually as a reminder of Jesus). It was cool... he has rubbed elbows with a lot of people... from David Crowder to Billy Graham. He actually got started when he randomly met Keith Green and Randy Stonehill... when on a family vacation in California.

Long story short... Keith Green and Randy Stonehill were out witnessing and they witnessed to, Richard (the guy who I met). Richard already was a Christian but they exchanged phone numbers and eventually Richard went to live with those guys and realized his call to ministry (in art).



So that was cool. I would love to do that kind of art on stage. So that is all for now. Maybe I will have more to say later.