Well, here we go here comes another year. I am glad this year is over hopefully we can have fresh start as this year was far from amazing. That being said.... I have learned so much, about myself especially. I have realized I need to change a lot of things and also through the hard times I have been forced to change a lot of things that I wouldn't have otherwise. Hopefully this year will bring a new job (I have an interview with Heights of Hope on Friday) and a better economy for the nation as a whole.
So here is my year end reflection:
I realized I stressed out a lot this year. Catie had told me I have been much more tense since my parents started having problems 4 yrs ago... that is a long time... and not healthy for me or others around me. I have realized this year that I need to work on stress. I had found peace in my life being not full of stress before and now my life has a lot more stress and I realized I really didn't have my faith in Christ taking all my worries. I had faith in my regularity, money and the things that I was able to do... I wasn't living by faith. This year I learned a little more what it means to trust God when you have no control of your life. I am still working on letting go and giving my junk to God.
My kids grew and we had my last baby this year.... Judah Joshua. He is awesome and I am actually really glad that he was the last one... just that makes me less stressed :) I love my kids though. In this year they have really grown... I have seen Noelen grown up from a baby into a little boy (weird) and Soe is now running all over the house and soon Jude will be crawling.... I love to see them grow and learn. They are amazing. They have brought their own stresses this year in their naughty times. (Noelen has gotten into medicine, mouse poison and tooth paste (yeah, he tried a bit of each... scary, but he was fine)). It has been a rough year on them but they are great. I just know they have seen and felt tons of stress around the house... next year I am making sure that is not the case.
We finished our basement this year... which is amazing considering we had no money at the time. This year the basement flooded with sewage 2-3 times and we lost a lot of stuff... especially the last time... we didn't catch it in time and it really backed up. But after cleaning up once with some good friends and the second time by myself... we called our insurance company and they replaced all of our stuff we lost....... including new carpet so now our basement is awesome.... we also replaced out main drain line to the city main line so now we won't be having sewage in our basement. YEAH! And the insurance company paid enough (because I did most of the work myself) to help us pay our mortgage when I lost my job at the church.... so God provided and I learned a lot in the process. In fact, I just finished the bathroom about a week ago... it looks pretty good... not perfect but there is no standing sewage in the shower and the floor is level and it has a sink and toilet.... so it is nice. (Actually it is the nicest bathroom in the house now... but that isn't saying too much). So being able to finish our basement and get paid for it was a big blessing. I didn't see it at the time but it was really a good thing.
The hardest part of the year was not having a job for months and months and months....
It has been stretching and defeating and horrible. My family went from paying bills to being behind and worrying about where the money was going to come from but again God provided some how. Through family and friends and random videos I've done, we have been able to make it month to month so far... honestly it is hard to believe... but in all of this I have learned so much. From humility to a real faith, it has all been stretching and continues to be stretching but I know it has been good for me. It has been necessary, in making me a stronger Christian. Helping me to actually be able to relate to other people. The people I most want to help in life.
If I could pick out one thing that I would take from the year it is the importance of community. Some one at church said that same thing on Sunday. When you have nothing, Christian community is all you have.... no things... no job but people who love you and will listen. (That is a big part of what being a Christian really is). I have learned that without true community, I am lost and lonely even with my wife and kids. I have learned that Christianity is all about community and sharing your life with one another. I have learned that I believe being in a small group in not only a good thing but a necessary thing. If you aren't in one you are probably more alone in life than you need to be and you probably aren't getting HONESTLY stretched as much as you need to be to be healthy and thriving. Don't lie to yourself, you need Christian community. I have heard excuses but they are all lame... Be open and get in a group that loves you.
well that is all for 2008..... here comes 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
For the Record
My heart is broken.... for the time being at least... the Lions are the first even 0-16 team! OUCH! I like them.... but maybe this will be enough to make the Ford family hire some people who know what they are doing. Just PLEASE have a good draft.... get some defense and some linemen (on either side of the ball). DO NOT DRAFT A QB #1!!!!!!!!!!!
So now I have to have a play off team to root for and here they are:
NFC-
I like: It looks like the Eagles will be in (barring a complete failure in the second half... eat it Cowboys). Second team would be the Panthers, I have always liked Smith and Delhomme and think they are often underrated
I dislike: The Giants... they are dumb
NFC PICK: I think Carolina is playing amazing right now.
AFC-
I like: The Chargers if they win. Second, the Dolphins are a good inspiring story for me as a Lions fan (1-15 last year) and playoffs this year... I think (there is 5 minutes left and they are winning right now)
I dislike: The Broncos and the Steelers and I don't really like Indy too much either... but they are good right now
AFC PICK: If the Steelers get it together they are really good right now (although I could see the Ravens being the Wild Card Super Bowl team).
Next year hopefully the Lions
Oh, Favre just threw another INT
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas
Well, its Christmas day... and I just woke up... and no one else is up! It is nice.
So life has been interesting lately. Pretty good... there have been a few bumps but the past week or so has been good. Hmmmmmm.... so what has happened.....
Well, it has snowed like crazy this week a TON of snow and then it rained yesterday.... I didn't like the rain at all but I was glad it wasn't more snow (we are running out of room on our road and alley... it keeps getting narrower and narrow with every snow ). But the snow has brought about some good things. I got to meet 2 neighbors because one time my car got stuck and a neighbor helped me and then yesterday my neighbor got stuck and I went and helped him.... so it has been good in some ways too.
The hard part has been that we haven't had our van and we have been driving the purple car everywhere.... and seriously, that car is TERRIBLE in the snow. It is so low to the ground it is like a sports car. You know right after a plow comes through how there are little snow mounds across the road? Well, I have been on roads that a 100 cars have driven over the snow mound and taken of the top layer and my car will still bottom out. Its annoying. But soon we will have our van back.
We had a huge problem come up with our van this week. It kept overheating so we took it in to get checked out and guess what..... the head gaskets were leaking..... and they were saying it was going to be $1500 to fix it. So I started to kind of freak out but really just felt a piece about it. It had to have been God because at that price there is no way we could even start to pay for it. I was thinking "What a Christmas present! $1500 in the hole". So anyways I started to call around to different friends and see if they had any ideas on how I could get it cheaper. I called my friend Dave and asked him for ideas and he gave me a few names to call and also said that the church might be able to help out a bit too. So I called around and found a friend of a friend who would do it for $850! That was really good new BUT Catie and I had literally just paid our backed bills so we had almost no money in our account. so I talked to Dave again who had talked to Ken and the board about our situation and they decided that because they could help out and that I could just do some things (audio/video and training) around the church to "pay back" the money! I was really happy. What a blessing. Thank you!
Church has been good lately. Not necessarily the services (although they have been pretty good too) but the people who make the church. And not just because they are helping with the van. It has just felt a lot more family lately. It has been good. Catie and I were just really struggling and there were people who cared enough to talk to us and help us out. It has been good because like I said in one of the past posts... we have been lonely. This convinces me even more about the importance of kinships and convinces me more that people need people. People need people that will hear them and love them. And I have been seeing that lately. In some ways I think being a smaller church will help us rebuild foundational issues that were a part of Lakeshore Vineyard culture... one of those being lack of friendliness. Hopefully being small will help that.
So what else is up.... hmmmm.... I have an interview next week for an Americorps job. It pays not well at all but is almost exactly what I want to be doing right now. As long as I can keep working at Menards it should work out great. It is working with a non-profit called Heights of Hope. It is a ministry focused on connecting with people in the Holland Heights area (mostly the apartment areas that have a lot of trouble). Basically, I get to connect people to each other organize community building events and meet a bunch of new people. I think it will be a stretch but be awesome. I REALLY hope I get the job! And Americorps is a HUGE boost into other non-profit positions... which I am interested in. So be praying that that works out. I need another job right now..... I was just fortunate enough to get to film a wedding last weekend and make a little more money to make our mortgage payment. (But again God is providing... what can I say?)
I think that is all for now. I can't believe everyone is still sleeping and it is 8:15! It is nice but I am hungry and need to do some stuff before we have people over tomorrow!
Merry Christmas!
So life has been interesting lately. Pretty good... there have been a few bumps but the past week or so has been good. Hmmmmmm.... so what has happened.....
Well, it has snowed like crazy this week a TON of snow and then it rained yesterday.... I didn't like the rain at all but I was glad it wasn't more snow (we are running out of room on our road and alley... it keeps getting narrower and narrow with every snow ). But the snow has brought about some good things. I got to meet 2 neighbors because one time my car got stuck and a neighbor helped me and then yesterday my neighbor got stuck and I went and helped him.... so it has been good in some ways too.
The hard part has been that we haven't had our van and we have been driving the purple car everywhere.... and seriously, that car is TERRIBLE in the snow. It is so low to the ground it is like a sports car. You know right after a plow comes through how there are little snow mounds across the road? Well, I have been on roads that a 100 cars have driven over the snow mound and taken of the top layer and my car will still bottom out. Its annoying. But soon we will have our van back.
We had a huge problem come up with our van this week. It kept overheating so we took it in to get checked out and guess what..... the head gaskets were leaking..... and they were saying it was going to be $1500 to fix it. So I started to kind of freak out but really just felt a piece about it. It had to have been God because at that price there is no way we could even start to pay for it. I was thinking "What a Christmas present! $1500 in the hole". So anyways I started to call around to different friends and see if they had any ideas on how I could get it cheaper. I called my friend Dave and asked him for ideas and he gave me a few names to call and also said that the church might be able to help out a bit too. So I called around and found a friend of a friend who would do it for $850! That was really good new BUT Catie and I had literally just paid our backed bills so we had almost no money in our account. so I talked to Dave again who had talked to Ken and the board about our situation and they decided that because they could help out and that I could just do some things (audio/video and training) around the church to "pay back" the money! I was really happy. What a blessing. Thank you!
Church has been good lately. Not necessarily the services (although they have been pretty good too) but the people who make the church. And not just because they are helping with the van. It has just felt a lot more family lately. It has been good. Catie and I were just really struggling and there were people who cared enough to talk to us and help us out. It has been good because like I said in one of the past posts... we have been lonely. This convinces me even more about the importance of kinships and convinces me more that people need people. People need people that will hear them and love them. And I have been seeing that lately. In some ways I think being a smaller church will help us rebuild foundational issues that were a part of Lakeshore Vineyard culture... one of those being lack of friendliness. Hopefully being small will help that.
So what else is up.... hmmmm.... I have an interview next week for an Americorps job. It pays not well at all but is almost exactly what I want to be doing right now. As long as I can keep working at Menards it should work out great. It is working with a non-profit called Heights of Hope. It is a ministry focused on connecting with people in the Holland Heights area (mostly the apartment areas that have a lot of trouble). Basically, I get to connect people to each other organize community building events and meet a bunch of new people. I think it will be a stretch but be awesome. I REALLY hope I get the job! And Americorps is a HUGE boost into other non-profit positions... which I am interested in. So be praying that that works out. I need another job right now..... I was just fortunate enough to get to film a wedding last weekend and make a little more money to make our mortgage payment. (But again God is providing... what can I say?)
I think that is all for now. I can't believe everyone is still sleeping and it is 8:15! It is nice but I am hungry and need to do some stuff before we have people over tomorrow!
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Dear Note to Note
So I got a message from someone who reads my blog.... only I don't know who it is because they sent it from note to note. (For those who don't know note to note sends anonymous email messages). At first I didn't want to read it (due to the earlier anonymous email) but this email was really well written and well thought out. It wasn't a bad message or mean. In fact, it did spur me to think a bit more about what I am doing now and what is best for my family. The email just stressed thinking more about the possibility of moving to get another job somewhere in a church. And because of the email Catie and I started discussing that possibility more last night.
It was a good discussion, it was similar to many we have had before, only this time we were searching all over the country for a job. We didn't really find any (on churchstaffing.com) except maybe one in Texas (which I will most likely send my resume to). BUT we still ran into the same issues with moving that we always do.
Here are our reasons.... not excuses just true feelings and thoughts
#1.We want our kids to have family around them. We already often wish we had grandparents closer to us because we want our kids to have that relationship with them.... and most of them only live an hour or 2 away at most. The further away we move the more alone we will feel... even more than we do now (and there is no way we are going to be paying for 5 plane tickets every year).
#2. We really don't want to move from the area. Although we like our friends around here; that is only a small part of what keeps us around here. We really love Holland and love Michigan... even on days like today. I love the seasons (although I would consider moving to Tennessee or one of the Carolinas maybe).
#3. Catie has a job at the city she loves... with people that love her (after a little more than 6 months).... that is a good job and rare... and there is a good chance she will move up in the next year or two too.
#4. We can't sell our house. For a couple of reasons. First the market is crap and we would lose a bunch of money. Second, a lot of the work we did (to even get our house) was through the county and was supposed to be almost 85% paid for with grants BUT for some reason they only paid like 60% of the improvements (and told us that after the fact). So we have thousands of more dollars added onto our house on a second mortgage. (Now that mortgage has no time period to pay back and no interest... we just would have to pay it back if we sold our house). So if we sell right now and don't make any money then we would be paying back many thousands dollars out of our own pockets... instead of waiting for the value of the house to increase (although I have heard house values will only decrease for years to come). But still being $10,000+ dollars in the hold sounds like a bad move... the job would have to be somewhere in the range of 50-$60,000 a year to make it make sense to try and move.
#5. Because of some rough times we have had lately, our credit is probably not nearly as good as was when we bought our house..... meaning we would live in an apartment or pay a ton of money to a lender to get a house (because we are now "high risk")
What you have to realize is both Catie and I have thought about moving quite a bit... me more than her... but we are almost literally stuck where we are for now. It all seemed like a good idea when we did it. Everything fell into place to buy the house and we just felt like God had blessed us with more house than we could have ever imagined for a really good price. In hindsight, I still might have done it... although there are some things that would make me think twice about it now... moving being one of them... also the housing market crash (but hindsight is 20/20 right?). Anyways, I would have to get the perfect for it all to work out... but I know God is a perfect God and He can do whatever he wants. (In fact Catie said that last night). I also know that if we moved we would make friends. I know that, I make friends pretty easily where ever so the state doesn't matter too much to me.
So all of that said. If I had a job opportunity somewhere else, I would seriously look at it... it just has to be worth the move.... also I don't know if I want to work in a church... but I might, if the church was the right church.... I do miss ministry and church a lot of the times.
It is all so confusing. It makes me tired.... but hopefully I will snag a job somewhere some how soon.
The basic idea of the note was to seriously consider moving if I could find a job doing video some other place
It was a good discussion, it was similar to many we have had before, only this time we were searching all over the country for a job. We didn't really find any (on churchstaffing.com) except maybe one in Texas (which I will most likely send my resume to). BUT we still ran into the same issues with moving that we always do.
Here are our reasons.... not excuses just true feelings and thoughts
#1.We want our kids to have family around them. We already often wish we had grandparents closer to us because we want our kids to have that relationship with them.... and most of them only live an hour or 2 away at most. The further away we move the more alone we will feel... even more than we do now (and there is no way we are going to be paying for 5 plane tickets every year).
#2. We really don't want to move from the area. Although we like our friends around here; that is only a small part of what keeps us around here. We really love Holland and love Michigan... even on days like today. I love the seasons (although I would consider moving to Tennessee or one of the Carolinas maybe).
#3. Catie has a job at the city she loves... with people that love her (after a little more than 6 months).... that is a good job and rare... and there is a good chance she will move up in the next year or two too.
#4. We can't sell our house. For a couple of reasons. First the market is crap and we would lose a bunch of money. Second, a lot of the work we did (to even get our house) was through the county and was supposed to be almost 85% paid for with grants BUT for some reason they only paid like 60% of the improvements (and told us that after the fact). So we have thousands of more dollars added onto our house on a second mortgage. (Now that mortgage has no time period to pay back and no interest... we just would have to pay it back if we sold our house). So if we sell right now and don't make any money then we would be paying back many thousands dollars out of our own pockets... instead of waiting for the value of the house to increase (although I have heard house values will only decrease for years to come). But still being $10,000+ dollars in the hold sounds like a bad move... the job would have to be somewhere in the range of 50-$60,000 a year to make it make sense to try and move.
#5. Because of some rough times we have had lately, our credit is probably not nearly as good as was when we bought our house..... meaning we would live in an apartment or pay a ton of money to a lender to get a house (because we are now "high risk")
What you have to realize is both Catie and I have thought about moving quite a bit... me more than her... but we are almost literally stuck where we are for now. It all seemed like a good idea when we did it. Everything fell into place to buy the house and we just felt like God had blessed us with more house than we could have ever imagined for a really good price. In hindsight, I still might have done it... although there are some things that would make me think twice about it now... moving being one of them... also the housing market crash (but hindsight is 20/20 right?). Anyways, I would have to get the perfect for it all to work out... but I know God is a perfect God and He can do whatever he wants. (In fact Catie said that last night). I also know that if we moved we would make friends. I know that, I make friends pretty easily where ever so the state doesn't matter too much to me.
So all of that said. If I had a job opportunity somewhere else, I would seriously look at it... it just has to be worth the move.... also I don't know if I want to work in a church... but I might, if the church was the right church.... I do miss ministry and church a lot of the times.
It is all so confusing. It makes me tired.... but hopefully I will snag a job somewhere some how soon.
The basic idea of the note was to seriously consider moving if I could find a job doing video some other place
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Doomed!
Its funny I am at home more and have less time to blog... I miss blogging more.
So it seems that the whole US economy is doomed. At least that is what the news says and everyone else seems to think. That is what I feel right now. Seriously, I hate looking for jobs... I am at about 80 resumes and the jobs that I am applying for now are a real stretch. I am just so tired of the whole economy. I really wish I wouldn't have stayed with the church for the final 6 months that I really wanted. I would have had a job otherwise.... and now I have nothing.
Like sucks right now. I can't even tell you... I don't even have the words to say how I am feeling. I just wonder is God listening...? I just sometimes really really wonder that. I think He is... but lately.. I am not sure that is true. I just feel abandoned. I think part of it is my fault but I just feel so alone. So alone. I try to pray but I am getting to the point where I just don't want to anymore. I just wonder, is there a point?
Menards is wearing on me a bit. I don't usually mind the people but I am so angry I just don't care who I piss off anymore. Today, I was mad at a girl in my department who was on a power trip and was trying to tell me what to do (although she has no authority over me)... and before, I probably wouldn't have said anything but lately I have just been so mad. I didn't really snap, I just gave her a dirty look and then ignored what she said to me. Later I apologized (I didn't want to but I felt like God wanted me to do it so I did). I am just so angry inside.....overwhelming anger. Mad at everyone anger. Seriously, what I have I done, that this is life for me?
Noelen has been super naughty the last few weeks. Really bad. Like ate mouse poison, broke all the eggs in the fridge all over the house, made other messes naughty. He was getting up before Catie and doing all of that ) at like 6:30am. So now he is stuck in his room until Catie gets him up. I know he is 3 and super curious. He really is great but I know he knows Catie and I have been fighting and that we both are depressed. (Catie is having a really hard time. I wish she had insurance to go to the doctor but that isn't happening.... and to top it off she has a really bad cavity and we don't have dental insurance either... but the first of the year I am going to get some from Menards). Anyways, like is honestly terrible. I am so freakin tired. It is unbelievable. I wish I could have a break from my kids.... it isn't all them for sure but our house is already stressed right now and then adding in 3 young kids and it is maddening. I know it was our choice to have the kids so close but I thought life would get better as I got older.... it just isn't it is getting worse and I really don't see an end in sight. I am tired of going to food distributions at different churches, I am tired of having no insurance, I am tired of not having a good job, I am tired of kids screaming, I am tired of life kicking me in the face over and over again. Where are the breaks in life? I don't feel like I have made the worse life decisions (I am not into drugs, drinking and stay out of trouble.... Catie and I are both educated.... but we it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Seriously, what the hell?
Its not that I don't want a job. Its more that I need a job that makes it worth getting a babysitter. I can't go work for less than what Catie and I pay a babysitter to watch the kids. It doesn't work... the numbers don't work. I can't go out and "take any job" (as I have been told to) and think I will be any better off. I just doesn't add up. I should have been a teacher or lived somewhere else. Catie asked if I wanted to move today.... I don't, not at all. It makes me angry to think of moving.... and moving would completely screw us over even more financially unless the job was a killer job.
I am running out of time financially and running out of patience with life.
So it seems that the whole US economy is doomed. At least that is what the news says and everyone else seems to think. That is what I feel right now. Seriously, I hate looking for jobs... I am at about 80 resumes and the jobs that I am applying for now are a real stretch. I am just so tired of the whole economy. I really wish I wouldn't have stayed with the church for the final 6 months that I really wanted. I would have had a job otherwise.... and now I have nothing.
Like sucks right now. I can't even tell you... I don't even have the words to say how I am feeling. I just wonder is God listening...? I just sometimes really really wonder that. I think He is... but lately.. I am not sure that is true. I just feel abandoned. I think part of it is my fault but I just feel so alone. So alone. I try to pray but I am getting to the point where I just don't want to anymore. I just wonder, is there a point?
Menards is wearing on me a bit. I don't usually mind the people but I am so angry I just don't care who I piss off anymore. Today, I was mad at a girl in my department who was on a power trip and was trying to tell me what to do (although she has no authority over me)... and before, I probably wouldn't have said anything but lately I have just been so mad. I didn't really snap, I just gave her a dirty look and then ignored what she said to me. Later I apologized (I didn't want to but I felt like God wanted me to do it so I did). I am just so angry inside.....overwhelming anger. Mad at everyone anger. Seriously, what I have I done, that this is life for me?
Noelen has been super naughty the last few weeks. Really bad. Like ate mouse poison, broke all the eggs in the fridge all over the house, made other messes naughty. He was getting up before Catie and doing all of that ) at like 6:30am. So now he is stuck in his room until Catie gets him up. I know he is 3 and super curious. He really is great but I know he knows Catie and I have been fighting and that we both are depressed. (Catie is having a really hard time. I wish she had insurance to go to the doctor but that isn't happening.... and to top it off she has a really bad cavity and we don't have dental insurance either... but the first of the year I am going to get some from Menards). Anyways, like is honestly terrible. I am so freakin tired. It is unbelievable. I wish I could have a break from my kids.... it isn't all them for sure but our house is already stressed right now and then adding in 3 young kids and it is maddening. I know it was our choice to have the kids so close but I thought life would get better as I got older.... it just isn't it is getting worse and I really don't see an end in sight. I am tired of going to food distributions at different churches, I am tired of having no insurance, I am tired of not having a good job, I am tired of kids screaming, I am tired of life kicking me in the face over and over again. Where are the breaks in life? I don't feel like I have made the worse life decisions (I am not into drugs, drinking and stay out of trouble.... Catie and I are both educated.... but we it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Seriously, what the hell?
Its not that I don't want a job. Its more that I need a job that makes it worth getting a babysitter. I can't go work for less than what Catie and I pay a babysitter to watch the kids. It doesn't work... the numbers don't work. I can't go out and "take any job" (as I have been told to) and think I will be any better off. I just doesn't add up. I should have been a teacher or lived somewhere else. Catie asked if I wanted to move today.... I don't, not at all. It makes me angry to think of moving.... and moving would completely screw us over even more financially unless the job was a killer job.
I am running out of time financially and running out of patience with life.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thanksgiving.... holidays... no relaxing
So it was an ok weekend/week.....
WENESDAY
Wednesday was crazy. I worked, then Catie worked, then I went to run sound at church, then I left and Catie and I dropped off Soe and Noelen with Catie's mom (until we went down to see the family on Friday). Then we went shopping for food making supplies.
THURSDAY
Thursday was nice, it was just me Catie and Jude. We went to church and had thanksgiving, which was fun and relaxing.... I could have stayed longer. The food was good. I mad a sour cream apple pie and southwest black bean soup... they both turned out pretty good (especially since I had never made either of them). I was pretty impressed with myself.... I cooked the black beans from dried ones..... and let me tell you... that takes a long time. It took about 3 hours or more... but the soup was good, so it was worth it. In fact all of the food was really good. Barry had a turkey that he raised himself... it was tasty. So were the mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry punch. mmmmmmmmmmm.... I could go for all of that right now.
FRIDAY
Then on Friday I worked at Menards and Catie went shopping... @ 3:30 am ... she is insane. Work for me was crazy but very entertaining and the time went by fast. People are crazy on black Friday but a lot of them are actually really nice and just having a great time shopping. As long as they are having fun, they are really easy to deal with. The only frustrating part was the manager from plumbing asking "Are you doing anything or just wandering around". My first thought was, "Are you serious?" This was after I had just walked a customer to another side of the store and on the way back to my department I looked at a faucet for literally 20 seconds.... I didn't even really stop. So I said back, "What are you doing?" He didn't know what to say, because he was doing the same thing I was doing. I think he was mad at that response but I am a hard worker and the manager is 2 years older than me. I know I probably won't get in trouble for it... not a great response but seriously.... I don't need to be bullied around, just because some dude needs to use his power.
Menards is a hard place to work for me sometimes. I know that I could be a manager and probably do a better job then some of the managers but being a morning stocker we are mere peons. It has been humbling... as most of my life has been as of late. But I guess all you can do it just keep being humbled. It sucks sometimes but I learn a lot.
Anyways, Friday night Catie and I drove to Catie's mom's house. It was good to see Noelen and Soe again, they were excited to see us but they were more excited to see Jude (which was cool). Then we chilled and ate pizza.... so it was pretty ok.
SATURDAY
Saturday morning I woke up at 7:30 and watched TV and played with the kids. We were supposed to meet Catie's mom and her boyfriend at a restaurant for lunch (and Noelen's b-day) at 11:30 but Soe pooped all over herself at 11:00am and I got it all over the only pair of pants I brought so we didn't get to the restaurant until about 12:00 but it was ok. The food was pretty good. I ate shrimp but the kids were all grumpy and ready to nap.. so it was hard to sit down and eat as always. Catie's mom brought presents to the restaurant but the kids were so crazy we made Noelen go out to the van to open his presents... he got a couple trucks and a stuffed snake... he loved it. Then we took the kids home to nap for a bit (a few hours). Catie took a nap too and I watched a bit of football (there just wasn't much good on). Then at 4:30 we went to Catie's dad's thanksgiving. It was pretty fun. We had really good pizza, I played catch/football with Catie's 2 younger cousins and then I watched Alabama slap around Clemson. Then Noelen opened a few more presents (good day for him) and we all ate cake and ice cream. Then we went home and put the kids to bed. Then I watched Oklahoma slap around Oklahoma State... and fell asleep until 5:30am..
SUNDAY
I woke up to hear Jude crying and hungry at 5:30am. I thought it was only 3:30 (there are no clocks around) but I was strangely awake... so I watched the History channel until 6:30 when the rest of the kids woke up. Then I played with the kids for a few hours and drove down 45 minutes to pick up Catie's grandma. When we got back to the house we found out no one was really coming to the dinner except immediate family (like 3 more people besides my kids). So we had a lot to eat.... but the food wasn't very good, seeing Catie's mom is not the best cook.... and the turkey was dry again.... every year.... this year at least she made it have more flavor. So ate and watched football for as long as possible (about an hour) and then we left to come back home (3:30 so we got home about 5:00ish). It was good to be home.....
So that is Thanksgiving.... now we get to do it all again in 3 weeks (only with more families)... yeah! Holidays are so relaxing and fun!
WENESDAY
Wednesday was crazy. I worked, then Catie worked, then I went to run sound at church, then I left and Catie and I dropped off Soe and Noelen with Catie's mom (until we went down to see the family on Friday). Then we went shopping for food making supplies.
THURSDAY
Thursday was nice, it was just me Catie and Jude. We went to church and had thanksgiving, which was fun and relaxing.... I could have stayed longer. The food was good. I mad a sour cream apple pie and southwest black bean soup... they both turned out pretty good (especially since I had never made either of them). I was pretty impressed with myself.... I cooked the black beans from dried ones..... and let me tell you... that takes a long time. It took about 3 hours or more... but the soup was good, so it was worth it. In fact all of the food was really good. Barry had a turkey that he raised himself... it was tasty. So were the mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry punch. mmmmmmmmmmm.... I could go for all of that right now.
FRIDAY
Then on Friday I worked at Menards and Catie went shopping... @ 3:30 am ... she is insane. Work for me was crazy but very entertaining and the time went by fast. People are crazy on black Friday but a lot of them are actually really nice and just having a great time shopping. As long as they are having fun, they are really easy to deal with. The only frustrating part was the manager from plumbing asking "Are you doing anything or just wandering around". My first thought was, "Are you serious?" This was after I had just walked a customer to another side of the store and on the way back to my department I looked at a faucet for literally 20 seconds.... I didn't even really stop. So I said back, "What are you doing?" He didn't know what to say, because he was doing the same thing I was doing. I think he was mad at that response but I am a hard worker and the manager is 2 years older than me. I know I probably won't get in trouble for it... not a great response but seriously.... I don't need to be bullied around, just because some dude needs to use his power.
Menards is a hard place to work for me sometimes. I know that I could be a manager and probably do a better job then some of the managers but being a morning stocker we are mere peons. It has been humbling... as most of my life has been as of late. But I guess all you can do it just keep being humbled. It sucks sometimes but I learn a lot.
Anyways, Friday night Catie and I drove to Catie's mom's house. It was good to see Noelen and Soe again, they were excited to see us but they were more excited to see Jude (which was cool). Then we chilled and ate pizza.... so it was pretty ok.
SATURDAY
Saturday morning I woke up at 7:30 and watched TV and played with the kids. We were supposed to meet Catie's mom and her boyfriend at a restaurant for lunch (and Noelen's b-day) at 11:30 but Soe pooped all over herself at 11:00am and I got it all over the only pair of pants I brought so we didn't get to the restaurant until about 12:00 but it was ok. The food was pretty good. I ate shrimp but the kids were all grumpy and ready to nap.. so it was hard to sit down and eat as always. Catie's mom brought presents to the restaurant but the kids were so crazy we made Noelen go out to the van to open his presents... he got a couple trucks and a stuffed snake... he loved it. Then we took the kids home to nap for a bit (a few hours). Catie took a nap too and I watched a bit of football (there just wasn't much good on). Then at 4:30 we went to Catie's dad's thanksgiving. It was pretty fun. We had really good pizza, I played catch/football with Catie's 2 younger cousins and then I watched Alabama slap around Clemson. Then Noelen opened a few more presents (good day for him) and we all ate cake and ice cream. Then we went home and put the kids to bed. Then I watched Oklahoma slap around Oklahoma State... and fell asleep until 5:30am..
SUNDAY
I woke up to hear Jude crying and hungry at 5:30am. I thought it was only 3:30 (there are no clocks around) but I was strangely awake... so I watched the History channel until 6:30 when the rest of the kids woke up. Then I played with the kids for a few hours and drove down 45 minutes to pick up Catie's grandma. When we got back to the house we found out no one was really coming to the dinner except immediate family (like 3 more people besides my kids). So we had a lot to eat.... but the food wasn't very good, seeing Catie's mom is not the best cook.... and the turkey was dry again.... every year.... this year at least she made it have more flavor. So ate and watched football for as long as possible (about an hour) and then we left to come back home (3:30 so we got home about 5:00ish). It was good to be home.....
So that is Thanksgiving.... now we get to do it all again in 3 weeks (only with more families)... yeah! Holidays are so relaxing and fun!
Monday, November 24, 2008
100x Media version 2
So.....
I am still waiting for a job. But I am doing some stuff to fill in my time... I have been actively looking into starting a non-profit that does media (web, print media, audio and video) for other non-profits and ministries around the area for free or very low cost. I am found the problem is we have a lot of really awesome ministries around the area and a lot of them have no way to get recognized (through the web or by advertising with print media). So a lot of ministries go overlooked and/or don't survive because they have no way to get their name out.
I found that as I worked more and more with non-profits they were really awesome and really needed media but often times didn't have the budget to do what needed to be done. So I thought about this for a while.... I loved working with non-profits but hated charging the price I had to (and hated that so much of their money had to go to media when it could be going for what really matters... helping the people in need).
So I was going to just let this idea try to fall into place (which it wouldn't have just fallen in my lap most likely) but then I had time... to think and pray... and all of a sudden I had people asking for the exact service that I was thinking of... so I thought.... hmmmm... maybe I am supposed to do this.
I guess it does seem to fit really well. It is ministry, it is helping TONS of people... in ways I will never even see. This will give me time to be away from the Church for a while and clear my head and attitude.... and help me mature enough to maybe lead people (in a church) later after I mature more and learn more. It is just really exciting.
I am excited.... I am know, I know, I am a big idea person but this is more than that (I hope). I am already following through on... so it is in motion. I have looked into a lawyer to start the 501c so I can get donations. I just had a meeting with the founder and just retired president of Wings of Mercy and am going to meet with a few other people for advice (which is one of the pieces of advice Pete VandenBosch (the Wings guy) just gave me.
So here is my to do List for the next couple weeks
1. Talk to more people. Take notes. Take advice.
2. Make a website
3. Get a web and design guy
#3 is my problem right now.... I have a guy (in mind) who would be great at programing the websites BUT he isn't great at design... so I either have to find someone who does both or figure out how to design stuff myself.... or run a 3 man team..... I want to find a Hope student that could help... or someone like that... even a high school student... it is all internet so it doesn't matter too much where they are located... I just need someone cheap that is interested and has a passion for people more than a passion for money. So we will see what happens.
It sound like a big undertaking but I have heard only good things... which is rare. The only negative I have hear was from someone who said "Why don't you just start a business and make money doing it". And to that I say, #1. You are missing the point #2. I don't need a bunch of money to be happy in life. I love people and want to minister to people... in some form.
I am still waiting for a job. But I am doing some stuff to fill in my time... I have been actively looking into starting a non-profit that does media (web, print media, audio and video) for other non-profits and ministries around the area for free or very low cost. I am found the problem is we have a lot of really awesome ministries around the area and a lot of them have no way to get recognized (through the web or by advertising with print media). So a lot of ministries go overlooked and/or don't survive because they have no way to get their name out.
I found that as I worked more and more with non-profits they were really awesome and really needed media but often times didn't have the budget to do what needed to be done. So I thought about this for a while.... I loved working with non-profits but hated charging the price I had to (and hated that so much of their money had to go to media when it could be going for what really matters... helping the people in need).
So I was going to just let this idea try to fall into place (which it wouldn't have just fallen in my lap most likely) but then I had time... to think and pray... and all of a sudden I had people asking for the exact service that I was thinking of... so I thought.... hmmmm... maybe I am supposed to do this.
I guess it does seem to fit really well. It is ministry, it is helping TONS of people... in ways I will never even see. This will give me time to be away from the Church for a while and clear my head and attitude.... and help me mature enough to maybe lead people (in a church) later after I mature more and learn more. It is just really exciting.
I am excited.... I am know, I know, I am a big idea person but this is more than that (I hope). I am already following through on... so it is in motion. I have looked into a lawyer to start the 501c so I can get donations. I just had a meeting with the founder and just retired president of Wings of Mercy and am going to meet with a few other people for advice (which is one of the pieces of advice Pete VandenBosch (the Wings guy) just gave me.
So here is my to do List for the next couple weeks
1. Talk to more people. Take notes. Take advice.
2. Make a website
3. Get a web and design guy
#3 is my problem right now.... I have a guy (in mind) who would be great at programing the websites BUT he isn't great at design... so I either have to find someone who does both or figure out how to design stuff myself.... or run a 3 man team..... I want to find a Hope student that could help... or someone like that... even a high school student... it is all internet so it doesn't matter too much where they are located... I just need someone cheap that is interested and has a passion for people more than a passion for money. So we will see what happens.
It sound like a big undertaking but I have heard only good things... which is rare. The only negative I have hear was from someone who said "Why don't you just start a business and make money doing it". And to that I say, #1. You are missing the point #2. I don't need a bunch of money to be happy in life. I love people and want to minister to people... in some form.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Oh, the basement is done!
Thanks to all who help after the first flood... because after the insurance money here is our basement.
A Once a Weeker
Yeah, I haven't been posting that much lately. I guess I have just been busy and drained. I just have had a hard time getting myself to write lately. In fact I have had a hard time getting myself to do anything that takes a lot of thought lately. I think blogging is hard because I have kids that scream at me all the time during the day, but I think it is mainly hard because in blogging I usually reflect on life... which I don't really want to do right now.
But here is my reflections as of late.
Ok, seriously Catie and I have been fighting a lot and as much as I would like to pass the blame onto her... a lot of it is me. I am sure a lot of it is me... I can feel it. I am frustrated by a much of what she does... and it isn't any different than what she used to do. I am just snappy... at her and the kids. But probably more at her lately. I can just feel it.... I feel all crappy inside and I am always tired. That could have something to do with me getting up with Jude every night once or twice a night but I have a feeling it is because I am a bit depressed too.
I also have noticed I am more mean, cocky and snappy to other people. Catie said something about me being more cocky lately. And honestly, I couldn't disagree... I have been kind of jerky lately to a lot of people... just really short, really opinionated and all about what I want... so if anyone is reading that I have been a jerk too, I am sorry. I have learned that a lot of my cockiness comes from my being unsure of who I am (so apparently experts are right when they say that people over compensate when they are unsure of themselves).
I just feel lost. I realize how much of my identity comes from what I do... which I know as a Christian is not a good idea. I need to spend more time with God. Just crying out and listening (I need to listen more). I just don't know if God is listening anymore... I mean really... I know God is listening but... sometimes... I wonder. Ken was talking about asking and receiving from God... I just don't know why I don't have a job yet. I will say that without the insurance money that we got we would be a month or 2 behind on our house payments. Also there have been little things here and there that give us money (from friends to relatives to me getting a tiny side project that will give me a $100 or so.
I just wonder where God is... God I know you are out there but I am having terrible faith right now. I just pray that you give me more faith... true faith, no worries, just a peace in knowing that I can't do it but you can.
I just feel lost right now. And really tired. I could pretty much sleep at anytime... like right now :) a nap would be good. All that being said, I have gotten to work on my basement and house a lot and I have got to spend time with my kids a lot more... although sometimes I don't like that...
So all that to say. I really need God more than a job. I am really disappointed in myself for having such little faith. (I am disappointed in myself for a lot of stuff right now but mostly, I
wish I could have stood strong in faith through this time).
So I guess all I need right now is a good time with God. Hopefully that will be a cure-all.
But here is my reflections as of late.
Ok, seriously Catie and I have been fighting a lot and as much as I would like to pass the blame onto her... a lot of it is me. I am sure a lot of it is me... I can feel it. I am frustrated by a much of what she does... and it isn't any different than what she used to do. I am just snappy... at her and the kids. But probably more at her lately. I can just feel it.... I feel all crappy inside and I am always tired. That could have something to do with me getting up with Jude every night once or twice a night but I have a feeling it is because I am a bit depressed too.
I also have noticed I am more mean, cocky and snappy to other people. Catie said something about me being more cocky lately. And honestly, I couldn't disagree... I have been kind of jerky lately to a lot of people... just really short, really opinionated and all about what I want... so if anyone is reading that I have been a jerk too, I am sorry. I have learned that a lot of my cockiness comes from my being unsure of who I am (so apparently experts are right when they say that people over compensate when they are unsure of themselves).
I just feel lost. I realize how much of my identity comes from what I do... which I know as a Christian is not a good idea. I need to spend more time with God. Just crying out and listening (I need to listen more). I just don't know if God is listening anymore... I mean really... I know God is listening but... sometimes... I wonder. Ken was talking about asking and receiving from God... I just don't know why I don't have a job yet. I will say that without the insurance money that we got we would be a month or 2 behind on our house payments. Also there have been little things here and there that give us money (from friends to relatives to me getting a tiny side project that will give me a $100 or so.
I just wonder where God is... God I know you are out there but I am having terrible faith right now. I just pray that you give me more faith... true faith, no worries, just a peace in knowing that I can't do it but you can.
I just feel lost right now. And really tired. I could pretty much sleep at anytime... like right now :) a nap would be good. All that being said, I have gotten to work on my basement and house a lot and I have got to spend time with my kids a lot more... although sometimes I don't like that...
So all that to say. I really need God more than a job. I am really disappointed in myself for having such little faith. (I am disappointed in myself for a lot of stuff right now but mostly, I
wish I could have stood strong in faith through this time).
So I guess all I need right now is a good time with God. Hopefully that will be a cure-all.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wow what a night
So last night I was checking my email and found 2 very disappointing emails. The first one was from Gentex where I had an interview for a Marketing Associate... I thought it went well but apparently not well enough to get me the job or another interview. So that was a huge bummer because I was excited about the potential of that job.
the second was a crazy email about the Obama sign that was once in front of our house. The person address the email to Catie and I. And in it told us that they were "so deeply troubled I drove past your house and saw an Obama sign". Then they go on write that "Obama openly supports abortion and homosexuality". And then goes on to tell us that because we voted for Obama we voted against God's Law. They then explain that we will "continue to struggle" until we "publicly repent". The said I (Josh) lost the respect of a lot of people and "destroyed [my] Christian witness and any aspiration of pastor ministry". And lastly, they give us hope by stating that "God will not over look this".
On a high note they did say, "I love you both, but am deeply concerned about your spiritual condition and lack of discernment."
Wow... hey Matt maybe that is why you felt like you needed pray for me after practice yesterday.
Needless to say I was PISSED and sad and embarrassed. I sent back an email telling them to tell me who they were or else the email would just be considered SPAM. I also said don't sit back and fling hurl insults at my family without tell me face to face. I was embarrassed to call myself a Christian at that moment.
Catie did the more wise thing and sent them a long email. She is much better with words and kept her cool quite well.
here is what she said.
Hi,
This is Catie writing this email - since you addressed it to both of us, its only fair that I give you my response to your email. I have a couple of things to say.
1. I think you have acted like a coward by not signing your name to your email. You have asked for a public repentance of us, yet you will not even privately give us your identity.
2. If you thought we were making a poor voting decision, you could have talked to us in person last week before we voted. Sending us such a letter written in such a harsh tone does nothing for us this week. Josh and I welcome discussion on various topics and are always open to changing our point of view if a logical, well supported opinion is presented. Maybe you would have changed our minds...we'll never know, but today you lost our respect.
3. The way you wrote this email - including our names, details about our family and current situation and then not signing your name or giving us your contact information anywhere in the letter makes this seem, to me, a bit like a stalker. This is the very most hurtful part of the whole letter. I was stalked for 3 years and it took about 6-8 moves before that person finally lost me or quit pursuing me. So when I read this with no person attached, I immediately recalled being stalked...and so instead of reading this with an open, humble heart, I rebuked this email, in the name of Jesus because I will not have the enemy steal the healing God has done in my heart regarding the stalking issue and unfortunately, the enemy was working through you in the way that you presented your concern for our family. If you really knew us and loved us, as you say you do, you would have known that this is not the way to speak love and truth to Josh and I, especially in the hard times we're going through.
4. Just so you know, since it seems like you are assuming in the first line of your email, race has nothing to do with why I voted for Obama. And you make your self sound racist when you assume this is an issue of race. If you would like my views on why I voted for Obama, I'm more than happy to discuss them with you.
Finally, I just want to ask for an apology from you to me and my husband. Josh is an amazing man and many people like and respect him. He works hard for his family, he is an excellent father and a wonderful husband. God has and is using him in many ways to minister to the people he works with, even by physically praying with them on the job, so to say his Christian witness is damaged is untruthful and your own assumption. They way you went about this whole thing was so hurtful in the fact that you attacked us without even speaking to us. You don't know why I voted for Obama and you didn't seem to care to ask - you just attacked our family after a time that nothing could be done about it. I feel really sad for you, that you believe this is the way to call others to repentance and hope that you are not doing this to non-Christians. You have been nothing but mean and hurtful in your email. I also want you to know, regardless of what you think of me or how I voted, that I am pro-life. I believe, more than making policies and sending berating emails, it is our jobs as Christians to walk along side people we think are wayward. It is our jobs as Christians to volunteer places where they help women make decisions about whether or not they should keep their babies. It is our job to financially and emotionally support women who have chosen not to abort their babies, even if it means we go without. That's what will lead others to Christ - you're saving two lives instead of one (and most likely more since that baby will grow up as a Christian too). So I challenge you to put your energy into volunteering at the Lakeshore Pregnancy Center (and maybe you are and that is truly a blessing) or find a women who chose to carry and raise her baby and financially support her or provide for her needs (and you may already be doing this and I thank you for that) instead of sending emails to people who have a different view point from yours without asking them how they really feel and why they feel that way.
May God bless you and your family and may we do better to you than you have done to us.
Sincerely,
Catie Hauch
So after she sent that the person emailed back and apologized. They seemed like a different person the second time (their tone was totally different and they actually knew proper grammar... unlike in the first email).
Cati,
Thank you for your letter. It was well thought out and a very mature
response. You are right, I should have spoken to you in person. I am
deeply sorry I have hurt you. I do agree with your comments on Josh. I
do believe he is a good and hard working man. I was just very
concerned about your vote for Obama. I see liberals and destroying our
beautiful country. I don't question you as people only your
discernment. I will agree to disagree with you on that matter. I do
love you and Josh and I am NO stalker. I do attend LVC. I am way to
embarrassed to reveal myself to you so this will be my last email to
you. Please forgive me for causing you hurt. I do wish I would
written the email differently. Perhaps you can eat any meat in the
letter and spit out the bones. The letter from Dutch Sheets I included
in my last email has some sobering thoughts in it. I do hope the best
for you both and I will leave your political future in God's hands.
Please forgive me for that.
So Catie sent back a "we forgive you" and the person responded with one more apology.
So now I just think the whole thing was crazy. Wow, what a time.... Insane. I think it is a little funny now. But still frustrating because these type of email and little things said to other Christians and non-Christians are the things that make people hate Christianity (and Christians in general). It just made me sad. I do forgive the person. As they said in the last email "It was a good learning experience"..... I guess it was a learning experience... think before you blast someone and question their faith.
Anyways, I am actually like 1000x more bummed about not getting the job than getting that email. I know Dave deals with that kind of stuff sometimes so I take it as kind of an honor to be slammed. Because ultimately I do want to be in ministry so I guess I am involved enough to get a lashing. :) They still never told who they were but I think I actually like that better. I am fine with not knowing, in fact it is easier. I won't be "stand-offish" to anyone. They will have to deal with it.
So that was last night and early today. My prayer is just that that person learns more about people before they judge and I also need prayer that I find a job. I have never been turned down by so many jobs in my life.
the second was a crazy email about the Obama sign that was once in front of our house. The person address the email to Catie and I. And in it told us that they were "so deeply troubled I drove past your house and saw an Obama sign". Then they go on write that "Obama openly supports abortion and homosexuality". And then goes on to tell us that because we voted for Obama we voted against God's Law. They then explain that we will "continue to struggle" until we "publicly repent". The said I (Josh) lost the respect of a lot of people and "destroyed [my] Christian witness and any aspiration of pastor ministry". And lastly, they give us hope by stating that "God will not over look this".
On a high note they did say, "I love you both, but am deeply concerned about your spiritual condition and lack of discernment."
Wow... hey Matt maybe that is why you felt like you needed pray for me after practice yesterday.
Needless to say I was PISSED and sad and embarrassed. I sent back an email telling them to tell me who they were or else the email would just be considered SPAM. I also said don't sit back and fling hurl insults at my family without tell me face to face. I was embarrassed to call myself a Christian at that moment.
Catie did the more wise thing and sent them a long email. She is much better with words and kept her cool quite well.
here is what she said.
Hi,
This is Catie writing this email - since you addressed it to both of us, its only fair that I give you my response to your email. I have a couple of things to say.
1. I think you have acted like a coward by not signing your name to your email. You have asked for a public repentance of us, yet you will not even privately give us your identity.
2. If you thought we were making a poor voting decision, you could have talked to us in person last week before we voted. Sending us such a letter written in such a harsh tone does nothing for us this week. Josh and I welcome discussion on various topics and are always open to changing our point of view if a logical, well supported opinion is presented. Maybe you would have changed our minds...we'll never know, but today you lost our respect.
3. The way you wrote this email - including our names, details about our family and current situation and then not signing your name or giving us your contact information anywhere in the letter makes this seem, to me, a bit like a stalker. This is the very most hurtful part of the whole letter. I was stalked for 3 years and it took about 6-8 moves before that person finally lost me or quit pursuing me. So when I read this with no person attached, I immediately recalled being stalked...and so instead of reading this with an open, humble heart, I rebuked this email, in the name of Jesus because I will not have the enemy steal the healing God has done in my heart regarding the stalking issue and unfortunately, the enemy was working through you in the way that you presented your concern for our family. If you really knew us and loved us, as you say you do, you would have known that this is not the way to speak love and truth to Josh and I, especially in the hard times we're going through.
4. Just so you know, since it seems like you are assuming in the first line of your email, race has nothing to do with why I voted for Obama. And you make your self sound racist when you assume this is an issue of race. If you would like my views on why I voted for Obama, I'm more than happy to discuss them with you.
Finally, I just want to ask for an apology from you to me and my husband. Josh is an amazing man and many people like and respect him. He works hard for his family, he is an excellent father and a wonderful husband. God has and is using him in many ways to minister to the people he works with, even by physically praying with them on the job, so to say his Christian witness is damaged is untruthful and your own assumption. They way you went about this whole thing was so hurtful in the fact that you attacked us without even speaking to us. You don't know why I voted for Obama and you didn't seem to care to ask - you just attacked our family after a time that nothing could be done about it. I feel really sad for you, that you believe this is the way to call others to repentance and hope that you are not doing this to non-Christians. You have been nothing but mean and hurtful in your email. I also want you to know, regardless of what you think of me or how I voted, that I am pro-life. I believe, more than making policies and sending berating emails, it is our jobs as Christians to walk along side people we think are wayward. It is our jobs as Christians to volunteer places where they help women make decisions about whether or not they should keep their babies. It is our job to financially and emotionally support women who have chosen not to abort their babies, even if it means we go without. That's what will lead others to Christ - you're saving two lives instead of one (and most likely more since that baby will grow up as a Christian too). So I challenge you to put your energy into volunteering at the Lakeshore Pregnancy Center (and maybe you are and that is truly a blessing) or find a women who chose to carry and raise her baby and financially support her or provide for her needs (and you may already be doing this and I thank you for that) instead of sending emails to people who have a different view point from yours without asking them how they really feel and why they feel that way.
May God bless you and your family and may we do better to you than you have done to us.
Sincerely,
Catie Hauch
So after she sent that the person emailed back and apologized. They seemed like a different person the second time (their tone was totally different and they actually knew proper grammar... unlike in the first email).
Cati,
Thank you for your letter. It was well thought out and a very mature
response. You are right, I should have spoken to you in person. I am
deeply sorry I have hurt you. I do agree with your comments on Josh. I
do believe he is a good and hard working man. I was just very
concerned about your vote for Obama. I see liberals and destroying our
beautiful country. I don't question you as people only your
discernment. I will agree to disagree with you on that matter. I do
love you and Josh and I am NO stalker. I do attend LVC. I am way to
embarrassed to reveal myself to you so this will be my last email to
you. Please forgive me for causing you hurt. I do wish I would
written the email differently. Perhaps you can eat any meat in the
letter and spit out the bones. The letter from Dutch Sheets I included
in my last email has some sobering thoughts in it. I do hope the best
for you both and I will leave your political future in God's hands.
Please forgive me for that.
So Catie sent back a "we forgive you" and the person responded with one more apology.
So now I just think the whole thing was crazy. Wow, what a time.... Insane. I think it is a little funny now. But still frustrating because these type of email and little things said to other Christians and non-Christians are the things that make people hate Christianity (and Christians in general). It just made me sad. I do forgive the person. As they said in the last email "It was a good learning experience"..... I guess it was a learning experience... think before you blast someone and question their faith.
Anyways, I am actually like 1000x more bummed about not getting the job than getting that email. I know Dave deals with that kind of stuff sometimes so I take it as kind of an honor to be slammed. Because ultimately I do want to be in ministry so I guess I am involved enough to get a lashing. :) They still never told who they were but I think I actually like that better. I am fine with not knowing, in fact it is easier. I won't be "stand-offish" to anyone. They will have to deal with it.
So that was last night and early today. My prayer is just that that person learns more about people before they judge and I also need prayer that I find a job. I have never been turned down by so many jobs in my life.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Racism is stupid so don't be a racist
Ok, seriously, if you are racist you are an idiot. I just here so much about Obama and some less than appropriate things being said just because he is "African American" (even though he is only half black). I just think racist people show just how uneducated and ignorant they really are. It is amazing all the hate that comes out of people when they have the chance to vent it all. It just shows how far we still have to go as a society and as people. It also shows me that we as human beings will seeming always have problems with race differences. It is really sad but unfortunately true.
You can see it very clearly throughout the Bible and all through the history of mankind. The sinful human nature wants to divide, separate and hate people and things that are different from themselves. It is sad... and I hate it. I do like how far we have moved over time as a country but hatred still burns deep within people. People that you would never think to be the bit racist show their true colors when they feel the time is "right". I am embarrassed to be an American sometimes. But realistically I am embarrassed of humanity sometimes.
I think it is a matter of the heart. You can hide stuff for a really long time but eventually all of that stuff that you don't deal with inside always finds a way to leak out. I have found that lately with my attitude and language. If I am not really trying to control my tongue and if I am not being conscious of what I am thinking all the time (if I am mad or frustrated) it eventually comes out. I have also noticed it tends to make me more mad as well. If I don't take the time to pray and read the Bible and ask God to deal with me and my tongue and am much more likely to "fly off the handle".
The same is true of sexual thoughts about someone else. If you don't control it in the early stage it will advance and turn into something else (just like a cavity or mice problems.... if you don't deal with it up front soon you will have a house full of unwanted guests).
I think this is what a lot of Christians miss in their relationship with God. We have to being to make it more personal... it is just really hard to do. In fact, I struggle with that all the time. Not following the new laws and regulations but letting the Holy Spirit be a part of who I am..... a true part. Like... just my body is mine... the rest can be the Holy Spirit. It is not easy though. It is much easier to see the Christian rules, follow those rules and be saved... but that isn't the case. Often times I wish it were the case, it would be seemingly easier.... follow these 10 rules and you will be all set. But God wanted so much more than that... he wanted relationship with the thing that he created... he wanted us as humans become a part of him.
Anyways, I went on a rabbit trail but it worked
The old cover up. I often think that is one of the biggest problems of Christianity. We mask our problems because we are taught that certain things are not good... but eventually it seems that most of that junk finds its way to the outside.
You can see it very clearly throughout the Bible and all through the history of mankind. The sinful human nature wants to divide, separate and hate people and things that are different from themselves. It is sad... and I hate it. I do like how far we have moved over time as a country but hatred still burns deep within people. People that you would never think to be the bit racist show their true colors when they feel the time is "right". I am embarrassed to be an American sometimes. But realistically I am embarrassed of humanity sometimes.
I think it is a matter of the heart. You can hide stuff for a really long time but eventually all of that stuff that you don't deal with inside always finds a way to leak out. I have found that lately with my attitude and language. If I am not really trying to control my tongue and if I am not being conscious of what I am thinking all the time (if I am mad or frustrated) it eventually comes out. I have also noticed it tends to make me more mad as well. If I don't take the time to pray and read the Bible and ask God to deal with me and my tongue and am much more likely to "fly off the handle".
The same is true of sexual thoughts about someone else. If you don't control it in the early stage it will advance and turn into something else (just like a cavity or mice problems.... if you don't deal with it up front soon you will have a house full of unwanted guests).
I think this is what a lot of Christians miss in their relationship with God. We have to being to make it more personal... it is just really hard to do. In fact, I struggle with that all the time. Not following the new laws and regulations but letting the Holy Spirit be a part of who I am..... a true part. Like... just my body is mine... the rest can be the Holy Spirit. It is not easy though. It is much easier to see the Christian rules, follow those rules and be saved... but that isn't the case. Often times I wish it were the case, it would be seemingly easier.... follow these 10 rules and you will be all set. But God wanted so much more than that... he wanted relationship with the thing that he created... he wanted us as humans become a part of him.
Anyways, I went on a rabbit trail but it worked
The old cover up. I often think that is one of the biggest problems of Christianity. We mask our problems because we are taught that certain things are not good... but eventually it seems that most of that junk finds its way to the outside.
A Big Change
So last night it happened. Obama won the presidency. I am happy... I think... I am nervous as well though. It will be a big change. The hardest change and biggest surprise for me was the overall "wiping out" of Republicans in office. It was crazy. I am not a fan of no real check and balance in government (that is all I am really nervous about). I am praying too that God keeps Obama safe and his family safe because unfortunately there are still a lot of stupid people out there that have problems with race still (that have a problem that he is "African American" even though his mom was white).... I just pray that he is safe from people that hate. I would be really upset if there was any attempt at an assassination; REALLY UPSET. I hate racism. It isn't even logical.... stupid....
Catie was happy. She really wanted Obama to win (as you can tell by the sign she place outside of the house). I had fallen asleep and she woke me up to tell me he had won... although when I fell asleep he was way ahead at the time and McCain had already lost Ohio and Pennsylvania. I thought he would win before I even knew he was running for president. Basically I thought anyone who was not a Republican would win just based on the disapproval of Bush.
So here we go. He is a charismatic and young guy that has some serious ground to make up after the last few years (even though I know that wasn't all on Bush). I just pray that he stays pure and way from temptation (as he will be faced with it even more than other presidents... I think). I think he will be good. Yes, I know. He is "very" liberal.... but we will see how that plays out. I think there are always "major" flaws in different candidates that often time never are seen. I remember when Clinton went into office my parents make it sound like there would be all these major problems with him in office... they acted like the U.S and morals would crumble... but that didn't happen. Clinton had other problems..... like keeping his hands to himself (he had moral issues) but the U.S. didn't crumble.
I have also heard that Obama will be not good because he is so inexperienced. But seriously, was Bush experienced.... yeah I guess. How did that turn out? Was Carter experienced... yeah, I guess.... How did that turn out? There are "experienced" presidents that do a bad job too so why not have Obama in? I am sure there are people that disagree with this but sorry... that is how I feel and I never heard one really good argument why to vote for McCain.... I heard a lot of why not to vote for Obama but no really good reason on why McCain is good. And too me that is a problem. Don't just sit and try to point out all the flaws, tell me what McCain will do better and different. I was just a little bit frustrated that other Christians thought I should vote McCain just because I am a Christian. I think that is a really really stupid thing to say.... there are bad things about Obama's ideas, there are also bad things about McCain's ideas. Don't try and pigeon hole me... that is a major problem with a lot of Christianity in general (but that is a whole other subject).
So that is all for my political rant right now. I just pray for a peaceful change in the White House and in this country.
Catie was happy. She really wanted Obama to win (as you can tell by the sign she place outside of the house). I had fallen asleep and she woke me up to tell me he had won... although when I fell asleep he was way ahead at the time and McCain had already lost Ohio and Pennsylvania. I thought he would win before I even knew he was running for president. Basically I thought anyone who was not a Republican would win just based on the disapproval of Bush.
So here we go. He is a charismatic and young guy that has some serious ground to make up after the last few years (even though I know that wasn't all on Bush). I just pray that he stays pure and way from temptation (as he will be faced with it even more than other presidents... I think). I think he will be good. Yes, I know. He is "very" liberal.... but we will see how that plays out. I think there are always "major" flaws in different candidates that often time never are seen. I remember when Clinton went into office my parents make it sound like there would be all these major problems with him in office... they acted like the U.S and morals would crumble... but that didn't happen. Clinton had other problems..... like keeping his hands to himself (he had moral issues) but the U.S. didn't crumble.
I have also heard that Obama will be not good because he is so inexperienced. But seriously, was Bush experienced.... yeah I guess. How did that turn out? Was Carter experienced... yeah, I guess.... How did that turn out? There are "experienced" presidents that do a bad job too so why not have Obama in? I am sure there are people that disagree with this but sorry... that is how I feel and I never heard one really good argument why to vote for McCain.... I heard a lot of why not to vote for Obama but no really good reason on why McCain is good. And too me that is a problem. Don't just sit and try to point out all the flaws, tell me what McCain will do better and different. I was just a little bit frustrated that other Christians thought I should vote McCain just because I am a Christian. I think that is a really really stupid thing to say.... there are bad things about Obama's ideas, there are also bad things about McCain's ideas. Don't try and pigeon hole me... that is a major problem with a lot of Christianity in general (but that is a whole other subject).
So that is all for my political rant right now. I just pray for a peaceful change in the White House and in this country.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
One of those days
Wow... one of those days I guess.
So today everyone was really tense at work today... or at least it seemed like everyone was a but tense today (including me). I guess it was one of those weird days where everyone seems to be mad or acting strange. From the people at work to my kids at home everyone was pretty grumpy today. I was frustrated about job stuff today, just really wondering where God wants me to be and what he wants me doing... One thing I did realize was that God will use me wherever I am. I've been trying to follow God's leading more at work lately and in the last 2 days I've gotten to pray for 2 different people.
It has been cool. I just have felt, God saying "pray for them" and I find myself thinking, "Do I have to? Right here?" But I have been trying to do it. I got to pray for one guys back that has been hurting him really bad and today I asked if I could pray for a guy (who is 21) who caught his wife cheating on him and is getting a divorce. He is kind of a different guy but he is really nice and really open. He is hurting a lot and just wanted to talk to anyone and everyone that would listen to him. So I listen and then was walking out of the store and felt like I should go back in and pray with him. Now beside working with this guy a little bit, I have felt a connection because he and his wife had a baby girl a day before Catie and I (and they were in the hospital at the same time we were).... so there is a connection there.
But man does that ever suck. It just broke my heart to see him.... filled with emotion... fighting back tears with anger. Cursing her and in the same breath saying how much he loves her and is hurt by her.... I even felt like crying... my heart just breaks for that situation... him, her, their daughter...... God just be present in that situation. Bring wisdom to him and clarity her to see what she is doing.
So yeah, it was a stressful day. I was glad to pray with the guy but would have rather prayed under different circumstances..... wow......
But on a brighter note Catie didn't go into work until later and she and I got to drive up to Grand Haven and drove along the Lakeshore on the way home (which was really pretty).
And now there are people outside digging up all of my pipes and so I will have no water today.
Oh, boy...
So today everyone was really tense at work today... or at least it seemed like everyone was a but tense today (including me). I guess it was one of those weird days where everyone seems to be mad or acting strange. From the people at work to my kids at home everyone was pretty grumpy today. I was frustrated about job stuff today, just really wondering where God wants me to be and what he wants me doing... One thing I did realize was that God will use me wherever I am. I've been trying to follow God's leading more at work lately and in the last 2 days I've gotten to pray for 2 different people.
It has been cool. I just have felt, God saying "pray for them" and I find myself thinking, "Do I have to? Right here?" But I have been trying to do it. I got to pray for one guys back that has been hurting him really bad and today I asked if I could pray for a guy (who is 21) who caught his wife cheating on him and is getting a divorce. He is kind of a different guy but he is really nice and really open. He is hurting a lot and just wanted to talk to anyone and everyone that would listen to him. So I listen and then was walking out of the store and felt like I should go back in and pray with him. Now beside working with this guy a little bit, I have felt a connection because he and his wife had a baby girl a day before Catie and I (and they were in the hospital at the same time we were).... so there is a connection there.
But man does that ever suck. It just broke my heart to see him.... filled with emotion... fighting back tears with anger. Cursing her and in the same breath saying how much he loves her and is hurt by her.... I even felt like crying... my heart just breaks for that situation... him, her, their daughter...... God just be present in that situation. Bring wisdom to him and clarity her to see what she is doing.
So yeah, it was a stressful day. I was glad to pray with the guy but would have rather prayed under different circumstances..... wow......
But on a brighter note Catie didn't go into work until later and she and I got to drive up to Grand Haven and drove along the Lakeshore on the way home (which was really pretty).
And now there are people outside digging up all of my pipes and so I will have no water today.
Oh, boy...
Monday, October 27, 2008
So
So people are funny. I just think that people watching is fun. I was at work this morning and I just found myself laughing at how quirky people are... it's just funny. I am sure if someone watched me they would think I was funny too (so I am not making fun of anyone). There is one lady in particular that is always kind of high strung. She make me laugh because literally almost everyday she rushes around the entire store, in a paranoid fashion, looking frantically for he little white ladder and most of the time it is an aisle over from where she started..... it is funny because she asks every person she sees if they have seen her ladder.... I don't know I guess you just have to be there.
I always hate going back too the weekdays..... the weekends are so nice. Not that I hate going to Menards... I just feel like I can relax for just a minute and not worry about a job or really anything on the weekends. When I am at home I think about a job almost every minute.... it seems. I just don't know why I can't find anything. Catie and I have to be pushing close to 60 resumes and applications sent out by now. And I am sending apps for almost anything that is out there. Its a bad time to have been cut from a job... but that is probably what everyone who got laid-off thinks...
So I have been thinking that I still want to be in ministry I just don't know where I fit of if I will ever fit.... I do know I need to work out some stuff personally. This job thing (and my life in general) has really tested my faith and patience (and I have failed my times). I am trying to figure out if I just want to steer clear of ministry and make money for now. I just want a regular job that would be nice. There is a [art of me that wonders if I should be applying for youth pastor positions.... I am not sure that is what I am called to do but I really have enjoyed the teens lately (a lot more than the last few years) And that would be "working towards what I want to do later in life".... at least I think it would. But I don't know if I could do that. I don't know that I could grow a youth ministry.... and youth pastors don't make much.... but I would be in minstry and I would begin to work towards doing other minstry that way. I don't know... I am just thinking out loud.
So I don't know what to do but what I do know is the longer I am away from doing ministry stuff the more I want to do it. I would love to just pour myself into church but I have 3 kids under 3 at home and a house that needs major work so I am not exactly in a position to do a lot without it being my job. I am heard the "you can volunteer anytime" from people and I think.... "I know, why don't you just volunteer instead of working at a church"..... because you (like me) feel a bigger calling to people and ministry that can't be done in a few hours.
So I don't know. I don't think Catie is excited about me in minstry which doesn't help. I mentioned it to her about the youth thing and she rolled her eyes.... but I don't want to be a car salesman either....
I always hate going back too the weekdays..... the weekends are so nice. Not that I hate going to Menards... I just feel like I can relax for just a minute and not worry about a job or really anything on the weekends. When I am at home I think about a job almost every minute.... it seems. I just don't know why I can't find anything. Catie and I have to be pushing close to 60 resumes and applications sent out by now. And I am sending apps for almost anything that is out there. Its a bad time to have been cut from a job... but that is probably what everyone who got laid-off thinks...
So I have been thinking that I still want to be in ministry I just don't know where I fit of if I will ever fit.... I do know I need to work out some stuff personally. This job thing (and my life in general) has really tested my faith and patience (and I have failed my times). I am trying to figure out if I just want to steer clear of ministry and make money for now. I just want a regular job that would be nice. There is a [art of me that wonders if I should be applying for youth pastor positions.... I am not sure that is what I am called to do but I really have enjoyed the teens lately (a lot more than the last few years) And that would be "working towards what I want to do later in life".... at least I think it would. But I don't know if I could do that. I don't know that I could grow a youth ministry.... and youth pastors don't make much.... but I would be in minstry and I would begin to work towards doing other minstry that way. I don't know... I am just thinking out loud.
So I don't know what to do but what I do know is the longer I am away from doing ministry stuff the more I want to do it. I would love to just pour myself into church but I have 3 kids under 3 at home and a house that needs major work so I am not exactly in a position to do a lot without it being my job. I am heard the "you can volunteer anytime" from people and I think.... "I know, why don't you just volunteer instead of working at a church"..... because you (like me) feel a bigger calling to people and ministry that can't be done in a few hours.
So I don't know. I don't think Catie is excited about me in minstry which doesn't help. I mentioned it to her about the youth thing and she rolled her eyes.... but I don't want to be a car salesman either....
Friday, October 24, 2008
Well.... no job yet
So yesterday I had an interview that I thought went really well. It was for a Audio book company in Grand Haven Michigan. At first the idea of the whole thing sounded really good but as I listen to more of what I would have to do at the interview the less I like the idea. So here is the problem. They record books. ALL BOOKS. EVERY BOOK YOU CAN THINK OF. Romance novels, Playboy books, Horror books, New Age stuff.... EVERY book. So basically I would sit in a dark room (literally) with no window even close to me.... and either edit and/or record any and all books 8 hrs a day everyday..... so that is what I would be filling my head with.... I have had suggestions to ask if I can avoid those kinds of books... which could work, but how do I ask not to do ANY horror, pornish stuff, and new agey stuff if that is my job and they told me I would have to do it? How do I say, "Yeah, I won't do 30% of the books you record".
There were other warning signs too. One being that my future boss, was not actually nice to me... and it was only my interview. She asked me if I had had any other jobs besides my church work and freelance. And I said "When, like recently? Or growing up?" And then I tried to look at my resume (that was on the table) to see if there was some kind of time gap she was looking at and she said in a snotty voice " This is you, right? You are Josh, right?" At first I started to smile and then I just realized she wasn't being nice. I just said, "Yeah that's me".
Then she laughed at the amount of money I asked for and said "Especially because you have no experience in this area and are only 2 years out of college". Then she told me there was basically no way I would even make close to the amount I asked for.
So if you can at least be fake nice the first day but she wasn't.... I am a little nervous about that. The interview was really intense too. Like 5 people were there drilling me with questions and then I had to go into a studio and record some stuff... which was ok but weird because I have never recorded spoken word... but had to use equipment I've never seen and record the voice "properly". It was intense.
So here is a list of the goods and bads
Good
I would have a job that paid me
I would be using my degree in some form
I would get experience
We wouldn't need a babysitter at first until they changed the times
Bad
The boss is seemingly not nice
I would have to record stuff that I am morally against
I have to sit in a dark room alone listening to stuff I don't like (which is what I liked less and less at church)
I am not going to get paid that much
I will see Catie 1 hour a day
I can't do youth group or worship practice or anything on Friday nights
I have to listen to crap....
So off the top of my head that is it. But I am getting more and more nervous about paying the bills. This is a tough situation to be in. You start to see who/what you really trust and who is there to help you through.
There were other warning signs too. One being that my future boss, was not actually nice to me... and it was only my interview. She asked me if I had had any other jobs besides my church work and freelance. And I said "When, like recently? Or growing up?" And then I tried to look at my resume (that was on the table) to see if there was some kind of time gap she was looking at and she said in a snotty voice " This is you, right? You are Josh, right?" At first I started to smile and then I just realized she wasn't being nice. I just said, "Yeah that's me".
Then she laughed at the amount of money I asked for and said "Especially because you have no experience in this area and are only 2 years out of college". Then she told me there was basically no way I would even make close to the amount I asked for.
So if you can at least be fake nice the first day but she wasn't.... I am a little nervous about that. The interview was really intense too. Like 5 people were there drilling me with questions and then I had to go into a studio and record some stuff... which was ok but weird because I have never recorded spoken word... but had to use equipment I've never seen and record the voice "properly". It was intense.
So here is a list of the goods and bads
Good
I would have a job that paid me
I would be using my degree in some form
I would get experience
We wouldn't need a babysitter at first until they changed the times
Bad
The boss is seemingly not nice
I would have to record stuff that I am morally against
I have to sit in a dark room alone listening to stuff I don't like (which is what I liked less and less at church)
I am not going to get paid that much
I will see Catie 1 hour a day
I can't do youth group or worship practice or anything on Friday nights
I have to listen to crap....
So off the top of my head that is it. But I am getting more and more nervous about paying the bills. This is a tough situation to be in. You start to see who/what you really trust and who is there to help you through.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
convicted
seriously a lot of times I get more out of Wednesday nights then other times. It was a good Wednesday night for me.
I think I had vented a lot of my frustrations and felt genuinely listened too (which I normally feel listened to).
So tonight the talk was about watching your tongue and I was just convicted about not always being nice... in fact I felt bad about some of the stuff I wrote in my last post. I has being really harsh and not very building up of people. In fact I was embarrassed of some of what I said. So first off I say sorry to all who read it. And secondly, I deleted it... one of those times that you want the words back but it is a bit too late.
I do follow up by saying this. Ken is a great guy, I think he is a great administrator and that he really does care about people. He cares about me and I know that. I just don't think he is leading the church to reach the next generation. The same is true of Ann. She is a really hard worker and puts in a lot of time into children's ministry and women's ministry, but like Ken I often found that she likes what she is comfortable with, which is often not changing. But I love them all. They have done a lot for me and my family. I have learned a lot. And whether I am around LVC for a long time is not really their problem. They are trying but sometimes it doesn't work if you aren't passionate about something.
I also would hate to see Ken go from the church. I think he is a great Associate pastor... not just a good administrative guy.
It is a tough situation. I am kind of glad I am not being dumped on (like they often get)... but I also wish I was a part of it.... I do miss the discussion part when I was apart of it.
Yeah so again I apologize I think it was a bit to much of a vent.... I often just free flow my thoughts on my blog.... which doesn't always work because people actually read it.
So, I am sorry!
I think I had vented a lot of my frustrations and felt genuinely listened too (which I normally feel listened to).
So tonight the talk was about watching your tongue and I was just convicted about not always being nice... in fact I felt bad about some of the stuff I wrote in my last post. I has being really harsh and not very building up of people. In fact I was embarrassed of some of what I said. So first off I say sorry to all who read it. And secondly, I deleted it... one of those times that you want the words back but it is a bit too late.
I do follow up by saying this. Ken is a great guy, I think he is a great administrator and that he really does care about people. He cares about me and I know that. I just don't think he is leading the church to reach the next generation. The same is true of Ann. She is a really hard worker and puts in a lot of time into children's ministry and women's ministry, but like Ken I often found that she likes what she is comfortable with, which is often not changing. But I love them all. They have done a lot for me and my family. I have learned a lot. And whether I am around LVC for a long time is not really their problem. They are trying but sometimes it doesn't work if you aren't passionate about something.
I also would hate to see Ken go from the church. I think he is a great Associate pastor... not just a good administrative guy.
It is a tough situation. I am kind of glad I am not being dumped on (like they often get)... but I also wish I was a part of it.... I do miss the discussion part when I was apart of it.
Yeah so again I apologize I think it was a bit to much of a vent.... I often just free flow my thoughts on my blog.... which doesn't always work because people actually read it.
So, I am sorry!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Better days
I have had a better few days lately. I am not too sure why because I still don't have a job (maybe it was the prayers).
Anyways, yeah... things have just been better. I did hear back from one job at a church on the east side of the state BUT I doubt I would take it. Moving wouldn't be worth it and I think I would rather work in at most other jobs over here then move. Plus we would lose a bunch of money on our house and I don't know if I want to work at a church.... just sell out to make money at a church that I don't want to be at probably is a bad idea. And Catie wouldn't like it. But next weekend I think Catie and I are going to visit.... at least that is the plan.
On the other hand, nothing on the job front here. Hopefully soon.
The family is doing well. The kids are pretty healthy. I had a good weekend working on a video and watching football. I won in fantasy football in both leagues. Oh, and I FINALLY did something active (football) after my.... procedure. It had been way too long. Yep. So it was a pretty good weekend. And now it has cooled down again... which I like. Back to hoodies and jeans.
On a completely different subject.
I am still trying to evaluate what I think about church. It has been hard lately as Catie hasn't really wanted to go either. I just want to be excited to go to church.... and I know a lot of that is my own issue I have to deal with. I am excited about looking to get a new lead pastor though. I think that could be cool as long as he doesn't get rid of everyone that is already there. I just hope it is a progressive vineyard guy. I am out of the loop now so I don't know what is going on as far as searching goes.
I do miss doing stuff at church. I miss brainstorming.... although at the end of my stay we did very little of that. I also miss the creative stuff throughout the church. Dave does a good job but he doesn't have as much time to invest. I hope we do more series that are thought up by our leadership.... I just feel like we are losing some of the personality when we do "big church" series... but what do I know? (well I do know what I like.... and I like to hear from the people at our church). But again I am not around and videos take real time.... and time is not what people on staff have. I also miss talking to people.... that was my favorite part. But again as time went on and Catie got her job I wasn't around so people were less likely to talk... including me.
SO that is all for now. It has been good to step back for a while.... the only problem is I am not excited about anything that is going on at church right now..... I want to be excited and be inspired.... I just am not.... and I don't think that is anyones fault... our church just feels kind of.... depressed.... that is at least what is seems... but it could just be me.
Anyways, yeah... things have just been better. I did hear back from one job at a church on the east side of the state BUT I doubt I would take it. Moving wouldn't be worth it and I think I would rather work in at most other jobs over here then move. Plus we would lose a bunch of money on our house and I don't know if I want to work at a church.... just sell out to make money at a church that I don't want to be at probably is a bad idea. And Catie wouldn't like it. But next weekend I think Catie and I are going to visit.... at least that is the plan.
On the other hand, nothing on the job front here. Hopefully soon.
The family is doing well. The kids are pretty healthy. I had a good weekend working on a video and watching football. I won in fantasy football in both leagues. Oh, and I FINALLY did something active (football) after my.... procedure. It had been way too long. Yep. So it was a pretty good weekend. And now it has cooled down again... which I like. Back to hoodies and jeans.
On a completely different subject.
I am still trying to evaluate what I think about church. It has been hard lately as Catie hasn't really wanted to go either. I just want to be excited to go to church.... and I know a lot of that is my own issue I have to deal with. I am excited about looking to get a new lead pastor though. I think that could be cool as long as he doesn't get rid of everyone that is already there. I just hope it is a progressive vineyard guy. I am out of the loop now so I don't know what is going on as far as searching goes.
I do miss doing stuff at church. I miss brainstorming.... although at the end of my stay we did very little of that. I also miss the creative stuff throughout the church. Dave does a good job but he doesn't have as much time to invest. I hope we do more series that are thought up by our leadership.... I just feel like we are losing some of the personality when we do "big church" series... but what do I know? (well I do know what I like.... and I like to hear from the people at our church). But again I am not around and videos take real time.... and time is not what people on staff have. I also miss talking to people.... that was my favorite part. But again as time went on and Catie got her job I wasn't around so people were less likely to talk... including me.
SO that is all for now. It has been good to step back for a while.... the only problem is I am not excited about anything that is going on at church right now..... I want to be excited and be inspired.... I just am not.... and I don't think that is anyones fault... our church just feels kind of.... depressed.... that is at least what is seems... but it could just be me.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I wonder where
I wonder where God is taking me. Where ever it is I don't know how much longer I can wait. I got offered a few more hours at Menards but it would mean paying a babysitter the same amount as I am making at work therefore nullifying the extra hours I work. I may make a few more dollars a month but I would work on Saturday and Sunday every week and never know what my schedule was going to be. I am better off with a factory job. Remind me again why I went to college? Oh, that's right so I could have more debit I couldn't pay off.... at least that is what it seems.
I am nervous about making house payments this month.... hopefully we don't lose our house. Well, God this is on you... I have no freaking idea what you want me to do now. I thought everything was working out in life. I thought I would actually be getting more hours at church (or at least get to keep my hours I had.... that is what I was told at least) and then.... bam... just like that I have no job and can find work ANYWHERE. This sucks. Really it does. What the heck. I find myself angry and baffled. I do still enjoy spending time with my kids but I am stressed all the time and therefore much less pleasant to be around.
So..... yeah. I just wonder where I will end up. Will this all be worth it? Maybe..... maybe not. Hopefully I will land somewhere on my feet. This is one of those times that I say do I trust God? Really trust? And right now the answer seems to be... kind of... but not really. I thought this would be at least a little bit easier.... but it is not and we as a family continue to be crushed by finances.
I am nervous about making house payments this month.... hopefully we don't lose our house. Well, God this is on you... I have no freaking idea what you want me to do now. I thought everything was working out in life. I thought I would actually be getting more hours at church (or at least get to keep my hours I had.... that is what I was told at least) and then.... bam... just like that I have no job and can find work ANYWHERE. This sucks. Really it does. What the heck. I find myself angry and baffled. I do still enjoy spending time with my kids but I am stressed all the time and therefore much less pleasant to be around.
So..... yeah. I just wonder where I will end up. Will this all be worth it? Maybe..... maybe not. Hopefully I will land somewhere on my feet. This is one of those times that I say do I trust God? Really trust? And right now the answer seems to be... kind of... but not really. I thought this would be at least a little bit easier.... but it is not and we as a family continue to be crushed by finances.
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