Wait

So I guess I just have to wait. I don't really like waiting though. I want things now and my way. Unfortunately that rarely happens... which is probably actually good because I would have done some stupid things and missed a lot of cool stuff if I would have been given what I wanted when I wanted it.

What am I referring to you might ask...?? Oh, just my job, where I want to work, what I want to do... just life direction in general... just minor stuff you know? I am frustrated... and I am tired of waiting. I can't wait anymore in a lot of cases. I need to find a job so I can pay the bills. I would prefer it not to be a total stinker of a job and hopefully make enough money to stay a float but I don't have any idea what I am going to do. I just know I have a passion for people and a passion for the Church... and media can be thrown in there to if need be (I still like audio and video). So that is that... I need to find a job doing something with people and the Church.... that will be easy to find... nope... not so much. I talked to a friend today (he is a business savvy guy) and he said I should call like 50 ministries and see if they need a part time (or full time) media guy or something like that. Maybe I will do that but frankly it sounds kind of unappealing and I don't know if I would end up somewhere I would hate. I wish just one time a job would "drop" in my lap BUT I guess that just isn't life is it? SIGH..... I am just tired... I am super frustrated.

So now I am stuck and for the first time in my life I am kind of mad at God. I just earlier this year was thinking that I have never really been mad at God but here I am. I want to go into ministry but by the looks of it am going to be stuck doing something I probably don't really enjoy. And the funny thing is.... the crappy thing is... I think that is the case for many people... dreams are killed quickly by the reality of the crappy world we live in. High demand, high stress and probably not much money. But this is just me being negative... all I know is that I love God and people and want to see what "Church" really is.. I want to get past all of the fluff, all of the show of people in churches and get down to the basics. Just having TRUE relationship with God and with others. But ultimately I don't know what is going to happen. I guess that is up to God