Saturday was fun though. I taken out to lunch by a friend and we had good conversation (as we usually do) and the food was really good (it was Mexican from Texas Cafe). Then after that we had some friends come over and we grilled out, the kids had a quick Easter egg hunt (where a Notsquirrel ate open about 4 or 5 of the eggs within the 10 minutes we were inside)
Notice the candy lying next to the egg.
Anyways, the we played a game until about 8:00pm and then I went and played bball for a few hours.....
So all of that said you would have thought I would have been really happy the next day.... but I was such a grouch. I don't know I am just grumpy without a job.... and probably other reasons. I think I need to start forgiving people for stuff... it will be hard though.
On a totally different subject. I do want to note that although my blogs may seem a bit down and negative. I am never suicidal. I just express the way I am actually feeling on here... I am ok with emotions (showing them and talking about them). Which I have come to realize more and more is rare... especially with guys. Its funny I often find myself frustrated with friends because I know they are not telling me actually deep down how they are feeling... I can tell. I think most people are content with general answers from other people. Like 98% of people are ok with general answers... digging is messy and takes time and effort.
Here are the ones I run into the most.
ONE
Frank: "Hey Burt, hows it going?
Burt: "Good, how are you?"
Frank: "ok"
Burt: "Cool, nice talking to you"
Conversation Interpretation:
Frank: "Hey Burt, hows it going? (Same thing as saying hi... I am not even thinking that I asked "how's it going")
Burt: "Good, how are you?" (Again, a conditoned response.... didn't even think about it)
Frank: "ok"
Burt: "Cool, nice talking to you"
And then they go on to talk about stuff that either doesn't matter at all or they part ways and say "see ya". And this happens with tons of people... even if they are friends... not just acquaintances. Frank could even look sad but 90% of people have no idea how to read a person.. trust me.
TWO
Frank: "Hey Burt, hows it going?"
Burt: "eeehhh... ok. How are you?"
Frank: "Just ok?
Burt: "Yeah, ok. How are you?"
Frank: "I'm doing well."
And then the conversation ends or they go on into nothing.
Conversation interpretation:
Frank: "Hey Burt, hows it going?"(I am using the phrase "how's it going" because we use it in our culture as another form of hello)
Burt: "ehhhhh... ok. (Not very good but its ok because most people don't really care... and I kind of don't feel like talking to anyone about it)
Frank: "Just ok? (Wow, Burt actually answered the question... I wonder what's up... Hopefully he is ok, but then again, hopefully we won't have to talk about emotions. This could get awkward.)
Burt: "Yeah, ok. How are you?" (Yeah, I am ok, actually crappy but who cares. Do you really want to know or are you just doing the polite/general conversation... I guess we will see by his response.)
Frank: "I'm doing well." (Well, I guess Burt is not dead or dying so I am going to take this "How are you?' exit question he gave me and run with it... far away from any real discussion.)
Of course some of that is exagerated BUT not all of it. I think another thing for me that happens is I get asked how I am doing and I actually tell them in great detail and my friends listen. And then I ask how they are doing and they say "Ok, not great but ok." Or sometimes even just a "Good". Then I'll ask what's up and they might say "rough time at work" or "arguing with my kids/ wife:.... but that will be all. (And often times I will be shocked to even get that). I usually then try to get more info out of them but that is usually all the info they give. No real letting anyone in... the less detailed the better.
Just so everyone on here knows. I hate general conversation. I want to know about you as a person.... for real... deeply. The only friendships I really care about are deep ones... and deep to me is actually knowing what is going on with you... what you are thinking/feeling (I have realized this is not normal). General friendships I could be fine without. Its funny I'll talk to people at work about life and family and just get to know a little bit about them and then I'll be talking to another co-worker (that has worked with the other person for 3 years) and I'll know more personal details after just a few minutes.... its kind of sad... and most of the details aren't even a big deal. For example, a person might play golf other day after work and 80% who work with him every day know that.
So in conclusion,
Take the time to really talk to people. Get to actually know them. It matters. They like it whether they think they do not.... it breaks down barriers.... with even your closest friends. Yes, with real friends you may actually have to put forth an effort and it may be "messy" but it will almost always be worth it.
And lastly, if a person poors out their heart to you. And then asks you how you are doing.... have the same respect they had for you and really answer them back.... even if it involves thinking about yourself and problems.
NOTE: To all of my friends who read this blog... this is not a direct link to anyone or any conversation that I have had recently... but now you know what I think when you talk to me :)
No comments:
Post a Comment