Well...

So its been a while it seems. I have thought about writing quite a few time but haven't had the time. Last week I edited a wedding everyday of the week and was working 12 hr days (from Menards to kids back to video editing), so it was a stressful week. It was stressful enough to where I was clinching my teeth... I can feel it in my jaw the last 2 days. I have just been stressed again. I still do need a job of some sort. I think I am going to be working doing Americorps with a friend in our near by neighborhood... but that is still a couple of months away at this point.... hopefuly sooner but probably not. Because of lack of work and some medical bill we are behind on some stuff and that makes it harder to take a job that doesn't pay much. I am just trusting that God knows what is best... (and in my busy week I forgot to really pursue God). I just know that God has this whole thing under control... the whole economy. It is up to God to take care of it.

I just feel a bit like I am drowning with a lack of money.... mostly due to medical bills that the insurance has decided not to cover. We have been fighting with them for 6 months on this issue and we kept going back and forth but finally they decided that they didn't have to cover by bill to the emergency room due to a "pre-existing condition" so now it is up to me to pay 1000+ dollars back to the hospital.... plus my vasetomy bill as well (I knew about the vasectomy but was told by the doctor it would cost less.... and then because they didn't cover the vasectomy and it was the medicine that caused the allergic reaction to medicine that was given for it). So that is that I guess. I am just tired of fighting... we have been fighting with someone about something since we have been married (now we are in the process of fighting about our roof and siding because the guy who did it did a crappy job... so now we may be going to small claims court about it... oh what fun!

So Catie and I have been discussing what skills we need to have to get ahead in the world. What jobs are around and not going anywhere? Medical and Internet... those are the two big ones. So since neither of us are into medical stuff we realize that learning internet design and programming might be the bext best step for us. So we have been looking into classes (we can get a bunch of financial help wiht school under the "No worker left behind" thing that the state does... that is one option. We also know that in oder to do a lot of that we need software too (and most likely a different computer so I can work at home on video stuff too). And yesterday we found a great deal on a computer and all the software I want already on the computer (on craigslist). I called the guy and he said he works at a Seventh day Adventist church on 32nd. But the more i looked into the computer and software the more I wondered if it was legal software. He said it was legal and for him it is legal... he had all the copies of the software BUT he wasn't going to give me any of the licenses or discs... so technically I would still be using his software on my computer... he had multiple computer licenses (because he works at a church) but legally those multiple computer licenses have to stay in the same building. I told his this after I research it but he didn't seem to care. It was probably $4,500 computer and software for like $1,500..... arrrrrggggggggggggggg... it was a too good to be true deal. I could have done it and never gotten caught because the license and software is legal and legit BUT me having on my computer is not.. it would be like if a friend gave it to me. The guy selling it said "Its like I am say it is ok to share with you". And I just thought.... nope its not ok... but crap was tht ever tempting... it still is. that is a great deal... it had everything I wanted and needed already there because he did the same stuff I do.... bummer!!!! But I chose the better way I think. I probably will never get a deallike that again and in fact my never find that software for cheap but I just have to trust that it is the right thing. It is just very hard to make the right decision. But I know I did. It just wasn't a fun one. Sometimes I wonder why I do it... but I guess it it more about God then what I want.

So I am attempting not to be stressed out. I need to spend more time with God. In prayer and listening. I also want to spend time with Catie again praying each night... it was amazing and really made us feel closer. Yeah, this weekend and week I jusr realize how important my family and wife is to me. I missed them a lot this week (in my franticness).

But all in all I am trying to live by faith. I am trying to believe and trust that God has a plan for me that is bigger than myself. I am trying to be satisfied in my situation. It is hard but good.