Well it has been a while again. I just haven't felt like taking the time to post... it takes to much work and thought... or so it seems. I haven't really been doing any "self searching" lately or nothing big so I just don't feel like writing. I am rally frustrated about life so my blog just seems to be a place to talk about it but I don't fee like writing about being frustrated any more... i don't really feel like doing any thing much anymore. I just don't care. Really about anything. I am a little bit nervous that I am growing more depressed or something because I am isolating myself more than before... Before I always wanted to be with people and now, I just don't care to make the effort to do anything do go anywhere, to talk to people. Nothing seems to matter. Nothing seems to work... I just don't feel like fighting anymore... (we are always fighting for something in life) Catie and I have been fighting stuff (not just each other) ever since we got married and before. I just feel like we can't win..... this month we will not be paying our mortgage for the first time... that sucks. We have both been working more but still don't have enough to make it work (like eating (which we can do) and/or paying our mortgage). We will try to pay some... but we dont have enough for sure....
Life is ok. I don't feel massively depressed... it do feel angry a good amount of the time. The bottom line is that life is just shitty. I am tired.... of everything, of everyone... of putting out a bunch of effort for little to no results. It just makes me not care... I know my attitude is much different. i know i have very little drive for anything (but seriously what am I driving for). I have no idea what I want to do. I just don't want to take the effort to do things....I can tell I am acting different, I don't even call people back all the time or answer my phone. I don't even feel like praying or making that effort... I am tired and I just don't think much matters right now. Honestly, I know it sounds bad. I wish that wasn't the case... it just is.
Hopefully, things will be looking better sometime soon
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