Thursday, October 9, 2008

I wonder where

I wonder where God is taking me. Where ever it is I don't know how much longer I can wait. I got offered a few more hours at Menards but it would mean paying a babysitter the same amount as I am making at work therefore nullifying the extra hours I work. I may make a few more dollars a month but I would work on Saturday and Sunday every week and never know what my schedule was going to be. I am better off with a factory job. Remind me again why I went to college? Oh, that's right so I could have more debit I couldn't pay off.... at least that is what it seems.

I am nervous about making house payments this month.... hopefully we don't lose our house. Well, God this is on you... I have no freaking idea what you want me to do now. I thought everything was working out in life. I thought I would actually be getting more hours at church (or at least get to keep my hours I had.... that is what I was told at least) and then.... bam... just like that I have no job and can find work ANYWHERE. This sucks. Really it does. What the heck. I find myself angry and baffled. I do still enjoy spending time with my kids but I am stressed all the time and therefore much less pleasant to be around.

So..... yeah. I just wonder where I will end up. Will this all be worth it? Maybe..... maybe not. Hopefully I will land somewhere on my feet. This is one of those times that I say do I trust God? Really trust? And right now the answer seems to be... kind of... but not really. I thought this would be at least a little bit easier.... but it is not and we as a family continue to be crushed by finances.

2 comments:

Kimberly said...

Lord, I don't understand why the faithful are tested. Sometimes it seems they are tested more than most. I ask that you give Josh some insight and some relief to the stress he has been feeling. We know that you have his family in the palm of your hand and that you are watching over them, but the unknown is so dark and such a scary place. A husband and father wants to provide for his family and Josh is no different. Please show him how this is going to be made possible if it is your will. Give Josh a place to go with his frustration and his anger Lord and guide him in the direction you would have him go for job searching. Above all Lord let him feel your hand on him and your peace surround him all his days and nights. In Jesus name. Amen

Josh said...

thanks. I haven't been on in a while.