This past week has been an interesting week for me; kind of up and down. It was a week with a lot of unanswered questions. But overall it was good. I find that the confusing and frusterating weeks always make me learn the most. It just sometimes sucks learning more.
To start I have been really really tired of working at Menards. I just don't want to get up that early and frankly I just want ONE job... not 3 not 2 just one job that I can count on. I have reached my breaking point with being on government support on a bunch of stuff (now don't get me wrong I love the gov't for giving me what it has but it can be stressful trying to jump though all the hoops to get help. And honestly, for me, I feel like I am not living up to what I should be. I mean come on... I was in the top 10 in my class in high school (out of a whopping 83 people but I did have a 3.76) I graduated from college with a good degree and I think I am hard working and likeable so why is my family not thriving. Yes, we did have like 70 kids in 10 minutes but still I just don't think I am "living up" to what I should be. But it has been good... my pride is slowing being beaten out of me. And I have found more happiness without stuff (although I do like good stuff still). Its tough.
So anyways back to the real story.... I was grumpy and complaining to my wife, Catie, and she said something that just made me stop and think... it was just one of those statements that puts you in your place. She simply said, "Josh, I thought this work (at church) was what you wanted for so long (and it was... it really was)... and now you have the job and you aren't statisfied with that. What do you want? Will you ever be satisfied? At that moment I wanted to make an excuse... I wanted to say, "Well, so what? Now I want more.. I want what I want right this moment." And truthfully that is how I felt. Like a spoiled kid.
Truthfully I do want one job. But I also LOVE what I am doing at church and I am learning a lot too. I am being challenged and am able to work with people. I can also be creative which is a huge blessing. And the job is flexible. Really, there are a lot of good things about it.
But just like money I still find myself wanting more. Someone once prophesied over me that they felt like I was a person that was never going to be satisfied.... My first reaction was : "Well crap.... I have been trying to change that about me for years". But they quickly followed up their comment by saying, "It isn't a bad thing, you just won't be satisfied in your relationship with God."
So I need to find satisfaction in God but it is ok to never be satisfied with my relationship with God.... those statements kind of seems contradictory... but whatever.... I think it is the truth. Now I just need to continue to let God beat the dissatisfaction for more things in life out of me. I need to allow myself to just be present. I need to live for today..... not worry about tomorrow. Be present in the moment... be present with the people around me.
The Bible has the best suggestion for me (image that...) It is one of my favorite sections in the Bible Matt
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Wow well said Jesus.... I need to remember that.
3 comments:
Oh and this is so hard to balance when you are worried about your family especially kids. I have to tell you a story about my grand kids and how God provided for them and it was so NOT about me. My stress was for nothing. God was so good and did so much better that I could have ever done for them.
yeah, you will have to tell me
that would be cool
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