Changing blogs

I think for the most part I am going to change my blog to

http://journeyinlivingcommunity.wordpress.com/

hope to see you there!

It been so long

It has been to long. Too too long. I just haven't felt like writing in a while. Been busy and just haven't taken the time to write.. not that I need to but it can be a good thing. Catie is out for the night (with some friends) and the kids are out for the night too (but out.. as in sleeping).


Well, God is definately at work in my life still... I feel like I am just along for the ride right now. I think I will be starting an Americorps thing very soon but I also just received an email that a Cornerstone University job I applied for about 3-4 months ago is looking at me and a couple of other people to interview. It seems every time I think I know what I am doing something else comes up... I thought I was going to be doing community/neighborhood development stuff and all of a sudden I am going to be presented with another job possibly. I honestly, need to pray hard into this because I am confused as what I should do. Americorps is my heart (community stuff).. but the money is almost nothing and Catie has been expressing interest in being home more. Which mean I want to make enough for her to be home... I don't want my kids babysat forever. I have realized in the past few months just how much a parent being home matters to kids... I want to raise my kids and instill my values in them.

So jobs/money makes a difference but that being said.. where does God want me? It is easy and pratical to calucalate that I should just take the higher paying job and let Catie stay home... but is that what God wants me to to? I know God wants Catie to stay home.. if she wants to... her heart has been changing towards that... just a desire to be home and love on her kids and family. It is different and good... I like it. But what if God wants me to take a job that will seemingly pay me nothing and then he provides much more than what I expect because that is where he wants me and I was listening and obdiant? (if people donate to the non-profit I could get paid more and that is a possibility). But what if God has bigger things for me at Cornerstone? I don't know... This is a big prayer thing. I will just pray I guess... I guess the C-stone job isn't even an offer yet anyways so no need to worry... I still have yet to get an interview I just know it maybe a good possibility.


So God, whatever you have for me I am ready (I have to tell myself that sometimes). I still am working on just jumping into the arms of God. Jobs for me have been constantly testing how much I will trust God. Like jumping out of a building and trusting that the people below you will catch you... without so much as a scratch. I just have a hard time blindly trusting God. It is a real struggle for me...


So all that being said I was thinking that I miss a lot of the church people I used to work with/hang with more often when I was at church. I miss you guys (Matt, Dave Gary). I realize I have the tendancy to be an all or nothing so either I am in it whole heartedly or no really in it at all... and it seems that can happen in some of my relationships as well. If I am working with people a lot then I talk to them a lot but if I am working on something else then sometimes I seem to forget to spend time with my friends from my last idea/job/project.

So all that being said I would love to hang out sometime! I give you a call!

Awesomeness!

This is awesome! I would freak if this was my kid but this is still awesome (mad driving skills)

Well, its been about a month!

So a lot has been happening this past month. I am now working with a friend doing construction and in a few months I will hopefully be starting an Americorps position with that same friend at his non-profit.

I have really been growing these past few months too. Brian (the guy I work with) and Jon (the other guy I work with) have a different faith than what I have been a around in well.... ever (especially as far as work goes). They just live... well... by faith. I have honestly never seen it like this before. Each day... faith. Obviously there are times of doubt and frustration and lack of faith BUT nevertheless they both seem to consistently try and live in Christ. It is just really really different. Really hard to explain if you are not with then. Especially Brian, he just honestly loves God and is really mature in that. He obviously has his issues... like everyone else.. but seriously. He just loves and lives more in faith than anyone I have met. Although..... I guess the only other people that I know that have a similar faith and life outlook are oversea missionaries. Seriously, that guy is 99% surrender to God in everything. It is crazy and inspiring. I feel like I am finally able to grow and learn again.

What I see Brian doing is different that what I see most other people doing... and it is attractive. I have been wondering for a long time about just where to go with my faith... I just have wanted so much more yet haven't really been able to find where I need to go. This is the first time in 8 years I have found people to share my faith/Christianity with.... that are seeking and searching in the same line that I am. It just works. It is different. It is not typical ministry or church or small group but it is stretching and confusing and loving. I like it. Just the whole idea that Brian is working from is a lot different than 99% of people I have even met in minstry. It seems to be all about God first in EVERY application (yet oddly enough it doesn't seem like it is ever done out of tradition... but all out of a life WITH Christ) second Brian always tries to put his family (even though he is running a ministry and running another business), third he puts others, and then lastly he probably puts his wants.

All this being said Brian is just a normal guy. Who sometimes mixes up he priorities and makes mistakes and get mad and impatient..... but really that is cool because I can relate to that too. I can see why people are drawn to his leadership... he loves God and you always know it and he does things with excellence BUT with others in always mind.

It is just cool. I wish the established Church could be a little bit more like this... less tradition, faith based living (not always knowing where the funds are coming from but trusting.. living in faith.... not that that is fun or good all the time), and always putting God first (knowing God's voice and not CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK when you do something a certain way).

I am just enjoying more of the "Acts church" experience right now. It is new and different. I am sure somethings could wear on me but seriously the community is.... well community.... life together.

Post #200

Well its been a while a lot of stuff has happened in the mean time but it has been a good time.. nerve racking at times but really good overall.


I am feeling pretty good having a 3 days away with Catie up north in Alpena for the 4th of July. The time away with Catie was cool and really nice and really needed... Alpena was a bit... dull. But it didn't matter much Catie and I just enjoyed each other without kids. We even got a chance to go running together when we got home (before Catie's mom brought the kids back to our house). I loved the time away... I was ready to have my kids back by the time they were dropped off BUT the feelings were a bit mixed :)

So what else has been going on you might ask? Well here it all is in a nut shell


As of last Thursday I had my last day at Menards. I was excited but nervous because I was quitting for sure hours for something less stable... well kind of...

The less stable job is working for the summer/early fall with a friend (Brian Woltuis) doing construction/contract work. He has a lot of it and we had been talking about it for a while and he asked if I wanted to do some work. BUT that work is just the back side of what I am doing with Brian.

About 5-7 years ago Brian started a non-profit in his neighborhood (on 16th street) that was focused on meeting people and uniting people and the city neighborhood... in a very organic way... one on one relationships to try and make a solid impact in people's lives. He began planning to do this through his barn he has behind his house (he actually has a double lot in the city with a good sized barn behind his house). He has been working on his barn for about 5 years and with the help of others has transformed a dirty falling apart barn into a very usable space that has a small library, art studio, woodshop, meeting room area, kitchen, computer lab (soon to be), 2 sets of washers and dryers and a bathroom with a shower. It is made for people in the neighborhood that need a place to hangout and learn and a place to just connect to one another.

For about 9 months I have been bugging Brian about the posibilty of doing Americorps with him and his non-profit. Americorps is a government funded program that has "volunteers" (who receive a living stipen, insurance and scholarship money) who work in selected areas (usually with non-profits) working in areas of need (full-time is about 34 hrs a week with no vacation time.. if you take time off you work more hours per week). There are tons of different areas to work in but I have been looking in community service areas in Americorps for about a year now. Anyways, finally after 9 months Brian and I got together and started to really talk about Americorps and working with his non-profit. I was just really interested in what he is doing and I really have a heart for people but don't feel like I need to be in the church arena at the time so this seemed to be a perfect fit.

God really lined this whole thing up amazingly, better than Brian or I could have if we tried. When I first started asking Brian about Americorps he wasn't sure if it would work or how to go about getting that done. We didn't know who to talk to or if it was even possible to try and work out. But while months ticked by Brian met a head Americorps leader who actually lives down 18th street (like 2 blocks from me). He is head of 50-60 Americorps member from California to Michigan and is one of the decision makers as to where Americorps members are placed. Now the best thing about this guy is that he has a huge heart for what Brian is doing and actually specifically moved from the north side of Holland (and a nice house) to live in the neighbor"hood" of Holland because he wanted to really connect with people (he is also the head of a RCA community building organization).

So anyways, Brian has been meeting with this guy (Jay) in the last 4 months started talking to him and meeting with other head people in Americorps about setting everything up and it is about 90% sure than Oct 1st I will be doing Americorps in my neighborhood. This entails me just getting to know people in the neighborhood, connecting neighbors with neighbors, finding out what people want out of their neighborhood, setting up community projects, and working with Brian's non-profit (3sixty) doing whatever he needs me to do. I am really pumped. One of the requirements for for the job is be talking with people from the neighborhood 50% of the time I am on the clock... and I thought... "perfect, I could talk with people 80% of the time".

So it seems God is working everything out. Money will still be tight but I believe everything will work out. (Yet, I still tend to worry... I hate worrying) Next we need to find a babysitter for about 1 day a week... we for someone for most of the days so we will be ok... hopefully :)

That is most of what has been going on. I will give more details in days to come.


Josh

Tru dat

Catie showed this too me and I am excited to see it! I love documentaries and really am interested in healthy food alternatives.... that being said I do like some junk food at times too!

Taking it easy

Just didn't feel like writing lately. Maybe it was because it is hot out. But there has been a whole lot going on in my life the last little bit. I will have to take time to write about it as I am leaving in a few minutes to go to Indiana to see Catie's bro's new baby.

Hope all 4 of my blog readers are having a good summer!!

Things I have learned Day #22

#22. I miss sports to watch at night.

I keep thinking I want to watch sports each night but nothing is on... well except baseball which is boring. Oh, football come soon!!!

Things I have learned Day #21

#21. I am having a really hard time figuring out where God is taking me


My life journey is always on the move and never stable. I have the possibility to get a job at Cornerstone University in the marketing department (with the help of my old professor) and I applied but I really feel unsure about the whole thing. I would feel really under qualified... mostly because I don't know web stuff and don't know graphic design really well and on top of that I don't know Adobe After Affects... so that means I know video and audio well but don't know much about the other half. I would just be really nervous to say... yep, I can do that.... but the job would be pretty good. I think I would like it. I wouldn't like the 2 hours of communiting every day but... it could lead to something better.

That being said I just don't know if God is leading me to do more media. I have really felt called into something more about people and less about doing media. I have already done years of media and know it is not where I want to be right now. I think I am more confused too because I am going to start working with a friend of mine doing construction/remodeling work for the summer and hopefully in the spring I will be able to work with a non-profit he started (maybe through Americore). But a bunch of this is up in the air as well...

So I am praying for it all... praying into it... praying that God gives me clarity. It is just hard to live life following God, because practically speaking if the C-stone job offer came around I would seem to be dumb for not taking it BUT what if I am supposed to take the lesser paying position because that is where I am being called...? I know with where the family and I have been in the last year I would be stupid to not take the C-stone job BUT is that really true? What if much of life is not about money... what if almost none of life is about money but we just make it that? I don't know...

Things I have learned Day #20

#20. Sometimes I get so into sports I am mad or sad when they lose....


The Red Wings lost tonight and I am pissed, sad and pouting. DAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNG! I really really wanted them to win. I thought they were going to win too but they didn't so I will be sad all day tomorrow. And because I don't want to see highlights I probably won't watch Sportscenter.... I don't want to hear what anyone has to say about anything. I am mad right now... but eventually I will get over it... in a week.... or two.

Why I really care I don't know.... but I like me to win and my teams to win.... although I do like the Lions so I don't know how that works...

Things I have learned Day #19

#19. I really love living in Holland... I don't think there are too many places like it


Tonight just made me realize how much I don't want to move from Holland. Often times when I was in a tight spot I just felt like I didn't care where I lived but really, it is nice to live in a great town.

The fam and I went out on a walk tonight, grabbed a couple of hotdogs and went to the Centennial Park for dinner. It was fun to just chill and enjoy each other and being outside. After we got done eating we fed fish in the little pond, rolled down little hills (well Noelen, Soe and Jude) and watched the fountain (and felt the spray). We just had a really good time together. It isn't every town that you can do that in. Walk from home, get some food and then have most of a quiet to just you and your family (and maybe 5 other people). The weather was really nice tonight and the sun was setting... it was great.

I was reading my friends blog and he was talking about those "Pure Michigan" ads on the radio and TV and saying how it made him remember he loved living in Michigan... I love those ads too. And nights like tonight are some of the reasons Michigan rocks in the summer.... I mean we could have gone to the beach tonight and watched the sunset if we wanted to... Pure Michigan!

Things I have learned Day #18

#18. The love of money is the root of evil

"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, in their eagerness to get rich, have wandered away from the faith and caused themselves a lot of pain." 1 Tim 6:10

When I was young I remember my mom telling me "Money is the root of all evil" (which is a bit of a miss quote)... I remember asking, "How is money evil?" And my mom said "Well, money is not evil in itself but it can be the cause of a lot of evil and problems."

That always stuck with me but didn't make sense. Money was good, come on. I knew my parents wanted more money, they always said, If we had more money we could do ____ but because we don't have it we will not be doing that. I knew I wanted more money. I knew more money would buy me better stuff... stuff that I couldn't have otherwise. So how could "the love of money be the root of all evil" if it would bring so much more fun into my life. The thought that money causes evil was not computing well in my young mind.

It makes a lot more sense now. In fact just in the last few years have I begun to see why and how money cause so many problems.

First, the love of money is not only human nature, something programed into us, but it is also taught to us from a very young age. In elementary school what were you always asked? What do you want to be when you grow up? And what were the "ok" positions? Yes, they were usually ones that earned money.... and the higher you strived educationally and financially, the better you were viewed in the eye of the teacher (or so it seemed).

For example, Johnny and Jimmy are in a classroom. Johnny says he wants to work changing tires like his dad does, at a garage. "Oh, that nice" the teacher would say. Jimmy says he wants to be a vetranarian. "Oh, that is a great job!", the teacher says. And then you have little Bobby who says, "I want make a million dollars!" "That is a great idea Bobby! I think you can do that!" says the teacher.

Now, not the teacher is wrong for encouraging kids to strive to do great things but great things seem to be related to money in our culture... at least that is what it seems when we are younger. So all my life I grew up wanting more money. Realistically, all I wanted was to have more money than my parents. I remember my dad telling me once that "Staticstics say that this coming generation will make less money than the one before". Meaning, I will make more money than you will (and he is only a teacher... although a lot of teachers are doing ok too). I remember my whole life thinking all I wanted to do it make more money than my dad and then he would be impressed with me. I would then feel as if I had won.

But now, most of my money pride is gone (although I still really sometimes have a desire to make money above all else). I just have seen how much of a problem money can be... how much evil it can bring. I have seen marriages fall apart, families spit apart, constant jealously in relationships and then you start watching on TV and seeing that money was the root of many murders, it is one of the main reasons drugs are so popular (if a lot of money couldn't be made drugs would be more rare). It is just amazing how money seems to in some way be linked into most "evil" things of this world.

Anyways, that being said, money is still a confusing thing to me. Because realistically, money is how we survive and without it we are essentially screwed. We all know that deep down inside... or even not so deep down. It is all about the money you make. But my final thought is, is it really about the money you make? Could you as a "Red Blooded American" Try to live differently, just put yourself and your money out there and see what God can/will do about it. It is nearly impossible for most people to just say, "Ok, God I am yours, this is what you told me to do so here I am... even if it doesn't make finanfial sense

Things I have learned Day #17

#17. If you are lacking in sleep, not eating super well and coming down with a cold, playing hockey for 3 hours can wipe you out.... or at least make the cold hit harder...


I was sick the last few days that is one reason I didn't post. I played hockey on Monday evening for a while (as I was coming down with a cold). Then because I came in late from hockey I stayed up until 11:00 or later... which doesn't work for me when I get up at 4:30ish.

So by Tuesday morning I did not feel very good at all... I just felt wiped out... but I just figured I was tired because I stayed up late. Well by Tuesday night I felt terrible extremely exhausted, sick to my stomach, cold and hot at the same time... it was not fun.

Well, I slept terrible Tuesday night and didn't work on Wednesday but I did sleep a lot Wednesday night.... so by Thursday, I felt pretty good (a bit congested but ok). And today (Friday) I am tired but feel pretty darn good!

Things I have learned Day #16

#16 If you ask God to close doors it will happen if you keep your eyes open


So last week Catie and I were praying that God would "close doors (for jobs and our future) that needed to closed and on Tuesday God seemed to do just that. I was prepared to go for an interview in Lansing (for a field rep job that is in the GRish area). I got all dressed up Catie and I got a babysitter to watch the kids and we headed out on the road. Well, all of a sudden (in about the Zeeland area) our van started shaking and the check engine light came on and started to flash. So, I had to call the guy who was interviewing me and cancel (he was actually really understanding about the whole situation). But, I knew that because I didn't go there was a good chance I probably wouldn't get the job. So it was kind of crappy, but I had to trust that when you pray "God shut door that need to be shut even if they are financially advancing" that God will at some point answer that pray... it just happened to be quickly.

So I am still learning that apparently God does answer prayers... even if it is in a seemingly inconvenient way.

Things I have learned Day #15

#15. I need to spend quality time with my family more. I am often home... but I really do not spend time with them all of the time.



Through conversations with my wife lately and through self-observation I have just begun to realize I really need to be present with my family. A lot of my time is spent doing stuff. I am always trying to do stuff, even when people are trying to talk to me (both my wife and my kids). I often would rather pay attention to my computer, a video game, the TV or even something I am reading (or doing... like the dishes); than actually stop what I am doing and focus my mind on the people around me. This is a problem and will hurt my relationships with my kids and my wife... I need to be paying attention to them... that is really important (I know especially to Catie.. and obviously to my kids as well). Being present in my current situation with the people that are in my life is what really matters. It is really easy to say you are present in your every day life BUT the question is are you present to the people around you....? That is the difference-maker.

Things I have learned Day #14

#14. If you drink 2 beers and feel fine and another guy (the same weight and height as you) drinks 2 beers and can't even stand up; your blood alcohol level should be about the same for both people.... at least this is what I was told....


Ok, I have wondered this for a while. And was re-reminded because I was watching a boating version of COPS the other day. So while at work today a guy was talking about drinking this weekend and I had to ask the question. Yes, pretty pointless but I have always wondered...I don't know why I wanted to know (maybe because I don't like drinking, still don't really ever drink, and have never been drunk or taken a breathalizer) but I have always been curious how being "drunk" and blood alcohol level equate. Some people will be over the legal limit and you can't even tell. I wasn't sure if you "handle your alcohol better" than the next guy if that means your blood alcohol level will be lower than the other person. I thought maybe your kidneys worked harder to process the alcohol faster if you drank more (that is, of course, until your kidneys fail).

I am just a bit uneducated in the drinking area (which is ok with me for the most part). But I still don't understand how one guy can be "drunk" and another guy you wouldn't be able to really tell he drank and there blood alcohol level will be the same.... I need a better scientific explaination as to how or why your body gets "better" at handling alcohol. I guess it all doesn't really matter but I think I just want the knowledge because I am curious.

This blog is the exact opposite of yestedays..... lol

Things I have learned Day #13

#13. The church in Acts is a hard church to try to mimic

The are just so different. Society is different, the culture is different BUT what they were doing was different as well... that is one of the reasons people were interested. There weren't too many people at the time selling all of there "stuff" (land, cattle, businesses) in order to put it into a pot for a whole community to live off of. Very socialist.... and of course if you are many Americans (many Christians) the word socialism is a very naughty word.

Now I understand that we live in a "very different society/culture" and that most of those concepts just wouldn't work today BUT what if they would? What if we could and should live more "socialistic"? It certainly in many cases would be more biblical than most of our Western lives. It would involve self sacrifice, unlimited giving, openness, patience and blind faith (in God and the people around us). Now all that being said most Christians (and people in general) have a hard time with self sacrifice, giving unlimited amounts (heck, people don't like to give away limited amounts... its all about savings for yourself later, baby!), true openness, patience with everyone and a blind faith in anything. Yet, over and over again we see Jesus talk about this and live this life style out as an example. Obviously, Jesus was constantly self sacrificial, always giving of himself, taught that people should want to give more, and he was always compassionately open, honest and patient (except with religious "folks") about who he was/is.

I just sometimes wonder if we as the church shouldn't look a little bit more radical. Radically different. I know we push community in church but I am talking about a true community... real togetherness.... more of a everyone knows everyone place. Now admittedly there is a side of me that thinks this whole idea is crazy and impractical. But still it is hard for me to read the Bible see the Acts church, see Jesus' ministry and still think what we do as a church currently is really the way church is supposed to be done.

Things I have learned Day #12

#12. I fail a lot as a parent


I think I kind of expected that I would fail (not do things right) as a parent on occasion but I just realize now how hard it is to really do everything right. I am not always the most patient person. I Can be "fiery" at times and that can in turn lead me to saying the wrong things, reacting out of anger, instead of being the one with the clear head in a tense situation. I need to remember to be the parent... not get into the fight with the kids.

This week I have just been selfish. Trying to use time for myself, and having a short fuse when the kids aren't doing what I want them to do. I just fail a lot and it frustrates me. I know what I need to be doing at home; cleaning, feeding the kids, reading to the kids, playing with the kids, changing the kids.... when there is a large part of me that just wants to do what I want. I just have a hard time breaking off the selfish part of me.

Things I have learned Day #11

#11. I need time with God to not be grumpy

I just realize more every time I don't spend time with God how much more grumpy I am. I am just less patient with everyone, more negative in my thinking/speech and just overall less happy... my outlook on life is different. In fact I need to go read a little right now. I have been kind of crabby to my kids all day... and they weren't even really any more naughty than normal today.

I just continue to learn how important time with God is... I know I have heard that for 25 years of my life but really... people need time with God... even if it is only a few minutes. Time with God is kind of like oiling an old wheel. Consistent oiling is the best but even just a tad bit of oil will keep the wheel moving (and not squeaking). Not oiling just leads to disaster in the long run (and in some cases the short run as well).

Things I have learned Day #10.5

Ok here is what I never wrote yesterday.

#10. Sometimes you just need a break

For a long time I never fully understood why people "needed" a vacation. (Mostly because my jobs have always been so loosely scheduled). But this weekend was really nice. Waking up "late" @ 7:00am instead of 4:30am, working outside in the yard, just chilling, cooking out with friends... it was a good weekend. I needed it... I really would love to go on vacation sometime.... not working full time at any job never gives you options to get vacation (well I could but then I wouldn't be able to pay bills). So time off is nice!