OK so I have been thinking for a while... "I should write down the little things I learn everyday on one of those little notebook pads, so I can remember more, learn more, and reflex more on life, people and whatever else I encounter."
So the middle of last week I decided it was a good time to start... so I grabbed a little Moleskine pad, through it in my pocket and began to write.
So here are my lesson I have learned thus far.
- If you are having a bad day, get over it because someone is having a worse day. Just talk to the people around you... there are all sorts of bad things happening to people everyday. So you can be bummed but keep it in persepective (plus you get to hear people's struggles and their hearts)
- Spend more time with your kids, they love you and need you and need your time.
- To the best of your ability don't forget about people.... better yet don't forget about individuals. They are what is important
- Dave is a unique guy.... in a good way. People want to follow him... watch and find out why.
- Listen to people.... really listen... take the time... stop what you are doing
- Don't ride a bike with no tread on the tires around a corner (quickly) especially on a waxed floor.... it hurts
-Always pay attention to people's body language. You want to know what people are thinking... just watch.
- Even if you want to watch TV... take the time to read to your kids and really be in that moment... it won't last forever.
- Don't wear underwear (especially boxers) under your spandex on a bike ride... it hurts.... a lot.
- Your kids are special but don't put them before all other kids or they will be a brat. Remember they are just kids.
Thats all of now......
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Ooops
I think I missed a leadership meeting at church tonight. I was planning on going.... and then I forgot and hung out with my good friend Jay (and a few other peeps) and watched the Celtics and the Cavs. And the Celtics won.... dang it.
Anyways, I feel kind of bad about missing the meeting but I didn't really want to go (I think it was watching a DVD) and I had a lot of good conversation with Jay that I haven't had with him in a year or so. I honestly, I didn't want to miss the meeting but my time with Jay was more enjoyable and frankly more valuable. Like I said he is one of my best friends and I haven't had a "how's life" conversation in a really long time so it was really good. I missed hanging out with him.
So this goes back to the church dilemma. Should I have been at that meeting ? Yes, it is my job and I am on leadership at church. Will it ultimately effect a lot of things since I missed the meeting. Probable not.... except that Dave or Ken might be a bit mad... but hopefully they can forgive me. (Sorry guys).
So I will try and make it up to them by watching that DVD some other time and talking to them later about what went on.
Anyways, I feel kind of bad about missing the meeting but I didn't really want to go (I think it was watching a DVD) and I had a lot of good conversation with Jay that I haven't had with him in a year or so. I honestly, I didn't want to miss the meeting but my time with Jay was more enjoyable and frankly more valuable. Like I said he is one of my best friends and I haven't had a "how's life" conversation in a really long time so it was really good. I missed hanging out with him.
So this goes back to the church dilemma. Should I have been at that meeting ? Yes, it is my job and I am on leadership at church. Will it ultimately effect a lot of things since I missed the meeting. Probable not.... except that Dave or Ken might be a bit mad... but hopefully they can forgive me. (Sorry guys).
So I will try and make it up to them by watching that DVD some other time and talking to them later about what went on.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Hmmmm...
I don't know what to write about today.... or this week. It has been a crazy week and I have been writing to people on Facebook. *SIGH*
This week was more ministry time... it was really frustrating.... very very frustrating. The issue hit kind of close to home so it was harder I think (it involved people I know really well but because I know them I can talk to them more about the stuff they are going through).. BUT.... Dang people... why are you so hard? Yet, I love people so much that I can't seem to stay away from them. I want to know people's personal lives and not to just be nosy... I really want to know people and hear their hearts. Now I do have to continue to work on listening more than talking but it is in progress.
Anyways, it was a long week. I have a lot to talk about but I am also kind of burned out.
The biggest thing on my mind right now is the American Church at large.... I just don't know what I think about the way we do ministry (most places). In fact, I don't even think the whole stucture of it is nescessarly so much Biblical as it is traditional. I just don't know. IN my heart of hearts I want to get more involved in my church and be on staff full time and do all of that BUT can I back the church... do I always believe in what I am doing there? Is it all fluff, just more Christian "schmuck"... to fill our time and keep the traditions going? Sometimes I think so.
You see this has come about through me really looking at the church lately (what we do and why we do it). And how that matches up with the Bible. (I should do more research). I just fear we might be doing a lot of it wrong... I fear we are just like everyone else in a lot of ways... just feeding the people what they like... I don't know.
A lot of my questioning comes from my up-bringing.
I grew up in a super christian home. We listened to Christian music and went to church every chance we had (at least early on). But then a couple of things happened.
#1. When I was about 9-10 the pastor of our long time church... started spreading a bunch of rumors about my parents and other families in the church who were really involved... (and there was a lot of other messed up stuff going on at the church (from abuses in spiritual gifts to other crazy stuff)) But, anyways...
#2. And it is probably the bigger one... My mom & dad raised my sisters and I to be perfect conservative Christians. They en grained it into us... "the ways of a Christian"... go to church read your bible, don't drink, don't swear, don't have sex before marriage... now don't get me wrong without my up bringing I wouldn't be were I am today and a lot of that stuff is biblical.
But then one day my parents got a divorce and my dad left my mom for a guy.... and left me thinking all of that stuff... all of that Christianese mumbo jumbo, was just a good way to raise your kids? Part of it was just an act by my dad (and he is not alone in this... so many people who go to church have "other sides to them")... So is a lot of Christian stuff... a lot of Church stuff just bull shit? Sometimes I wonder... it didn't affect my dad in a lot of ways (now he does still go to church and doesn't drink or swear and I think he loves God... but is he living the true Christian life? Or just our Americanized.... cheap plastic made in China version... All of this just made me question... are we as a church really making an impact... I so often feel... the church all of this Christianity... just isn't truth to me anymore... it is tradition and good moral suggestion... not truth... not absolute truth.... not Jesus Christ.
But.... I don't know what is then. I know there are truths within the church but who is Jesus in this world. What am I supposed to do in everyday life? I just don't really know.
I love my church family, I really do.... sometimes I just question what I am doing.
This week was more ministry time... it was really frustrating.... very very frustrating. The issue hit kind of close to home so it was harder I think (it involved people I know really well but because I know them I can talk to them more about the stuff they are going through).. BUT.... Dang people... why are you so hard? Yet, I love people so much that I can't seem to stay away from them. I want to know people's personal lives and not to just be nosy... I really want to know people and hear their hearts. Now I do have to continue to work on listening more than talking but it is in progress.
Anyways, it was a long week. I have a lot to talk about but I am also kind of burned out.
The biggest thing on my mind right now is the American Church at large.... I just don't know what I think about the way we do ministry (most places). In fact, I don't even think the whole stucture of it is nescessarly so much Biblical as it is traditional. I just don't know. IN my heart of hearts I want to get more involved in my church and be on staff full time and do all of that BUT can I back the church... do I always believe in what I am doing there? Is it all fluff, just more Christian "schmuck"... to fill our time and keep the traditions going? Sometimes I think so.
You see this has come about through me really looking at the church lately (what we do and why we do it). And how that matches up with the Bible. (I should do more research). I just fear we might be doing a lot of it wrong... I fear we are just like everyone else in a lot of ways... just feeding the people what they like... I don't know.
A lot of my questioning comes from my up-bringing.
I grew up in a super christian home. We listened to Christian music and went to church every chance we had (at least early on). But then a couple of things happened.
#1. When I was about 9-10 the pastor of our long time church... started spreading a bunch of rumors about my parents and other families in the church who were really involved... (and there was a lot of other messed up stuff going on at the church (from abuses in spiritual gifts to other crazy stuff)) But, anyways...
#2. And it is probably the bigger one... My mom & dad raised my sisters and I to be perfect conservative Christians. They en grained it into us... "the ways of a Christian"... go to church read your bible, don't drink, don't swear, don't have sex before marriage... now don't get me wrong without my up bringing I wouldn't be were I am today and a lot of that stuff is biblical.
But then one day my parents got a divorce and my dad left my mom for a guy.... and left me thinking all of that stuff... all of that Christianese mumbo jumbo, was just a good way to raise your kids? Part of it was just an act by my dad (and he is not alone in this... so many people who go to church have "other sides to them")... So is a lot of Christian stuff... a lot of Church stuff just bull shit? Sometimes I wonder... it didn't affect my dad in a lot of ways (now he does still go to church and doesn't drink or swear and I think he loves God... but is he living the true Christian life? Or just our Americanized.... cheap plastic made in China version... All of this just made me question... are we as a church really making an impact... I so often feel... the church all of this Christianity... just isn't truth to me anymore... it is tradition and good moral suggestion... not truth... not absolute truth.... not Jesus Christ.
But.... I don't know what is then. I know there are truths within the church but who is Jesus in this world. What am I supposed to do in everyday life? I just don't really know.
I love my church family, I really do.... sometimes I just question what I am doing.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Edit
Sorry... my last blog needed a read through and an edit to make more sense in places.... and even now it doesn't make since in some places... but I edited it and finished off a few sentences that I missed eariler
Community.... what is it?
OK so lately I have been wondering what it means to be in a community (as Christians). I have been wondering how, as a church, do you take care of/ keep tabs on everyone in the congregation.
Lately I have been running into people that have felt wounded by the church (in this case my church) because there haven't been follow up when they don't come to the church or leave the church... I know what they are saying... in a way. You want to be missed... it is natural... and people think it is the job of the pastors to chase them down. But they did leave... or not show up for a while...and they are adults... so it is hard for me to think chasing people is a good idea all the time. BUT on the other hand... people are what community is all about... people are in essence what the church is about and what life in general is about. It is just tough for me to make a blanket statement about how to handle the situation. But I think it is a deeper problem then just "whether the church followed up with people".
First off let me say... I don't think Lakeshore Vineyard leadership/staff does everything right...in fact they do things wrong all the time.... this is mainly because they are people and people do stupid crap.
So here is the problem.... for the most part, in Western Christianity, we have no freakin idea what a Christian community is... we know what the American church has showed us for so many years (which has done a lot of good around the world but also has turned into a religion... with rules regulations, guidelines and traditions). What do I mean by this.... the church right now... so many people right now.... have no idea how to participate in a Christian community.
Community is not Sunday morning (IT DOESN'T WORK TO JUST GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY... if that is all you do... you miss the whole point). It is relationships.... deep relationships... actually opening up to one another... showing people all the crap you have in your life (hmmm... image that scary thought... being honest). But because of all of our rules regulations and assumptions... somewhere along the line we (in our culture) decided it would be a good idea to try and do our best to internalize all of our problems and issues. Christians now think "We must look good and happy in our lives... we show the world Jesus by hiding all of our issues... by being fake." The only problem is eventually (if all you are doing is stuffing your junk deep down inside yourself) it all comes out... or all seeps out... and you know what? People see that... and the quickly realized many Christians are fully of $#!!. Because, honestly, we are full of "it".
Bottom line.... church is about small groups BUT not many small groups get community either. I am tired of Bible studies and Sunday school lessons. Yes, you can get good stuff out of those meetings but it is so rare that you actually just sit and hear one another's hearts in those groups. That is way my favorite times in a small group is prayer time (if everyone is honest it is good but people naturally don't want to open up but you need to... Now I don't need all the dirty laundry air all the time but it is ok to have dirty laundry... Christian community is working on your laundry together... with a bottle of concentrated Jesus stain remover.... (alright that was a bit cheesey).
Admittedly, it is hard to find a group to be honest in... that you feel comfortable in but YOU have to step outside yourself too. The same is true when people leave the church and think they need a call from people at the church... sometimes you have to do it...not all the time (sometimes, sadly, people do fall through the cracks) but truthfully sometimes you have to make the call... pastors are just regular people, so crazy high standard for them are unrealistic and dumb (I never want to have to fit into people's mold expectations.. and frankly, I never will... I'll make sure).
It is still a tough call....what to do about people... cause people are tough and all different...
But I think if you whole heartily pored yourself into a community... if you honestly shared LIFE together... people would be upset if you left the church... you would get many follow up calls (as long as you weren't a jerk about leaving but even then you still should get calls). Because you would have become family to those people in that small group. You've personally invested in people and people have invested in you... people care about stuff they invest in (money or people). You would have been sharing life together OUTSIDE of a Sunday. People will miss you. No the pastors might not call you (but it is more likely) but who frinkin cares as long as your FRIENDS are calling you. You see it is not about the leadership in the church... it is about the people in the church.... to often we are obsessed with the leadership.... this church IS YOURS... it is the people's (and the staff is working on making that more the case now then before).
So invest yourself... yes this might take time and energy.... I am sorry (no, not really).
And in my churches case.... just hang on people... we are changing... it has been a tough couple of years and I know we are all tired of waiting (as we have been for 5 years) but the Paul thing is a rather LARGE transition... so work with the church... be patent... pray for the leadership and the church...maybe even invest yourself into the leadership (how weird would that be?). But God is in charge and the leadership lets God lead. So it is all good...
Lately I have been running into people that have felt wounded by the church (in this case my church) because there haven't been follow up when they don't come to the church or leave the church... I know what they are saying... in a way. You want to be missed... it is natural... and people think it is the job of the pastors to chase them down. But they did leave... or not show up for a while...and they are adults... so it is hard for me to think chasing people is a good idea all the time. BUT on the other hand... people are what community is all about... people are in essence what the church is about and what life in general is about. It is just tough for me to make a blanket statement about how to handle the situation. But I think it is a deeper problem then just "whether the church followed up with people".
First off let me say... I don't think Lakeshore Vineyard leadership/staff does everything right...in fact they do things wrong all the time.... this is mainly because they are people and people do stupid crap.
So here is the problem.... for the most part, in Western Christianity, we have no freakin idea what a Christian community is... we know what the American church has showed us for so many years (which has done a lot of good around the world but also has turned into a religion... with rules regulations, guidelines and traditions). What do I mean by this.... the church right now... so many people right now.... have no idea how to participate in a Christian community.
Community is not Sunday morning (IT DOESN'T WORK TO JUST GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY... if that is all you do... you miss the whole point). It is relationships.... deep relationships... actually opening up to one another... showing people all the crap you have in your life (hmmm... image that scary thought... being honest). But because of all of our rules regulations and assumptions... somewhere along the line we (in our culture) decided it would be a good idea to try and do our best to internalize all of our problems and issues. Christians now think "We must look good and happy in our lives... we show the world Jesus by hiding all of our issues... by being fake." The only problem is eventually (if all you are doing is stuffing your junk deep down inside yourself) it all comes out... or all seeps out... and you know what? People see that... and the quickly realized many Christians are fully of $#!!. Because, honestly, we are full of "it".
Bottom line.... church is about small groups BUT not many small groups get community either. I am tired of Bible studies and Sunday school lessons. Yes, you can get good stuff out of those meetings but it is so rare that you actually just sit and hear one another's hearts in those groups. That is way my favorite times in a small group is prayer time (if everyone is honest it is good but people naturally don't want to open up but you need to... Now I don't need all the dirty laundry air all the time but it is ok to have dirty laundry... Christian community is working on your laundry together... with a bottle of concentrated Jesus stain remover.... (alright that was a bit cheesey).
Admittedly, it is hard to find a group to be honest in... that you feel comfortable in but YOU have to step outside yourself too. The same is true when people leave the church and think they need a call from people at the church... sometimes you have to do it...not all the time (sometimes, sadly, people do fall through the cracks) but truthfully sometimes you have to make the call... pastors are just regular people, so crazy high standard for them are unrealistic and dumb (I never want to have to fit into people's mold expectations.. and frankly, I never will... I'll make sure).
It is still a tough call....what to do about people... cause people are tough and all different...
But I think if you whole heartily pored yourself into a community... if you honestly shared LIFE together... people would be upset if you left the church... you would get many follow up calls (as long as you weren't a jerk about leaving but even then you still should get calls). Because you would have become family to those people in that small group. You've personally invested in people and people have invested in you... people care about stuff they invest in (money or people). You would have been sharing life together OUTSIDE of a Sunday. People will miss you. No the pastors might not call you (but it is more likely) but who frinkin cares as long as your FRIENDS are calling you. You see it is not about the leadership in the church... it is about the people in the church.... to often we are obsessed with the leadership.... this church IS YOURS... it is the people's (and the staff is working on making that more the case now then before).
So invest yourself... yes this might take time and energy.... I am sorry (no, not really).
And in my churches case.... just hang on people... we are changing... it has been a tough couple of years and I know we are all tired of waiting (as we have been for 5 years) but the Paul thing is a rather LARGE transition... so work with the church... be patent... pray for the leadership and the church...maybe even invest yourself into the leadership (how weird would that be?). But God is in charge and the leadership lets God lead. So it is all good...
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Can't get no satisfaction
Life is interesting, confusing, short, fun, sad, rocky... there are too many words to describe life. Our next series in church is about life and will be centered around the board game LIFE... I think it will be fun... cause sometimes you look at your own life and want to say: "I don't want to play this game anymore". But ultimately life with God is good. Life with other believers is good too. But I have just had a hard time being satified and not stressed about life. I find myself always striving for the "next big step" that I think I "need" to take but sometimes (often) life does not go as planned.
This past week has been an interesting week for me; kind of up and down. It was a week with a lot of unanswered questions. But overall it was good. I find that the confusing and frusterating weeks always make me learn the most. It just sometimes sucks learning more.
To start I have been really really tired of working at Menards. I just don't want to get up that early and frankly I just want ONE job... not 3 not 2 just one job that I can count on. I have reached my breaking point with being on government support on a bunch of stuff (now don't get me wrong I love the gov't for giving me what it has but it can be stressful trying to jump though all the hoops to get help. And honestly, for me, I feel like I am not living up to what I should be. I mean come on... I was in the top 10 in my class in high school (out of a whopping 83 people but I did have a 3.76) I graduated from college with a good degree and I think I am hard working and likeable so why is my family not thriving. Yes, we did have like 70 kids in 10 minutes but still I just don't think I am "living up" to what I should be. But it has been good... my pride is slowing being beaten out of me. And I have found more happiness without stuff (although I do like good stuff still). Its tough.
So anyways back to the real story.... I was grumpy and complaining to my wife, Catie, and she said something that just made me stop and think... it was just one of those statements that puts you in your place. She simply said, "Josh, I thought this work (at church) was what you wanted for so long (and it was... it really was)... and now you have the job and you aren't statisfied with that. What do you want? Will you ever be satisfied? At that moment I wanted to make an excuse... I wanted to say, "Well, so what? Now I want more.. I want what I want right this moment." And truthfully that is how I felt. Like a spoiled kid.
Truthfully I do want one job. But I also LOVE what I am doing at church and I am learning a lot too. I am being challenged and am able to work with people. I can also be creative which is a huge blessing. And the job is flexible. Really, there are a lot of good things about it.
But just like money I still find myself wanting more. Someone once prophesied over me that they felt like I was a person that was never going to be satisfied.... My first reaction was : "Well crap.... I have been trying to change that about me for years". But they quickly followed up their comment by saying, "It isn't a bad thing, you just won't be satisfied in your relationship with God."
So I need to find satisfaction in God but it is ok to never be satisfied with my relationship with God.... those statements kind of seems contradictory... but whatever.... I think it is the truth. Now I just need to continue to let God beat the dissatisfaction for more things in life out of me. I need to allow myself to just be present. I need to live for today..... not worry about tomorrow. Be present in the moment... be present with the people around me.
The Bible has the best suggestion for me (image that...) It is one of my favorite sections in the Bible Matt
Wow well said Jesus.... I need to remember that.
This past week has been an interesting week for me; kind of up and down. It was a week with a lot of unanswered questions. But overall it was good. I find that the confusing and frusterating weeks always make me learn the most. It just sometimes sucks learning more.
To start I have been really really tired of working at Menards. I just don't want to get up that early and frankly I just want ONE job... not 3 not 2 just one job that I can count on. I have reached my breaking point with being on government support on a bunch of stuff (now don't get me wrong I love the gov't for giving me what it has but it can be stressful trying to jump though all the hoops to get help. And honestly, for me, I feel like I am not living up to what I should be. I mean come on... I was in the top 10 in my class in high school (out of a whopping 83 people but I did have a 3.76) I graduated from college with a good degree and I think I am hard working and likeable so why is my family not thriving. Yes, we did have like 70 kids in 10 minutes but still I just don't think I am "living up" to what I should be. But it has been good... my pride is slowing being beaten out of me. And I have found more happiness without stuff (although I do like good stuff still). Its tough.
So anyways back to the real story.... I was grumpy and complaining to my wife, Catie, and she said something that just made me stop and think... it was just one of those statements that puts you in your place. She simply said, "Josh, I thought this work (at church) was what you wanted for so long (and it was... it really was)... and now you have the job and you aren't statisfied with that. What do you want? Will you ever be satisfied? At that moment I wanted to make an excuse... I wanted to say, "Well, so what? Now I want more.. I want what I want right this moment." And truthfully that is how I felt. Like a spoiled kid.
Truthfully I do want one job. But I also LOVE what I am doing at church and I am learning a lot too. I am being challenged and am able to work with people. I can also be creative which is a huge blessing. And the job is flexible. Really, there are a lot of good things about it.
But just like money I still find myself wanting more. Someone once prophesied over me that they felt like I was a person that was never going to be satisfied.... My first reaction was : "Well crap.... I have been trying to change that about me for years". But they quickly followed up their comment by saying, "It isn't a bad thing, you just won't be satisfied in your relationship with God."
So I need to find satisfaction in God but it is ok to never be satisfied with my relationship with God.... those statements kind of seems contradictory... but whatever.... I think it is the truth. Now I just need to continue to let God beat the dissatisfaction for more things in life out of me. I need to allow myself to just be present. I need to live for today..... not worry about tomorrow. Be present in the moment... be present with the people around me.
The Bible has the best suggestion for me (image that...) It is one of my favorite sections in the Bible Matt
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Wow well said Jesus.... I need to remember that.
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